Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Europe Through the Back Door

[via sisterraysaid]
How's it going, slit-hitters?

Oh I said it.

It's day 10 of the new year, and even though I usually mock those who make resolutions...I did make a couple of changes.  
Changes that happen to, um, coincide with the turning of the annual clock.

Totally not resolutions.

Anyway! I signed up for hot yoga.  
Because I love any activity that involves a whole separate wardrobe.

AND, YOU GUYS: I got a colonic.

Colon hydrotherapy, if we're eating finger sandwiches.

Hole-eee-sheee-it, have you ever had one?  
Jesus H. Christ. 
Go get one.

Briefly: a colonic is when an extremely personable girl named Meghan, who is exactly your age, tells you to strip naked, put on a plush robe, and wait for her in a dim "spa-like" room. 

The room has a table and some glow-y equipment.
Meghan comes back, shows you a smooth white plastic wand that looks like Baby's 1st Dildo, and tells you that she's going to stick it in your ass and fill your "cavity" (I am not kidding, that's what she said) with tepid water. 

Gently, like the tears from a shy baby dove, the water will trickle in, causing you to feel like you're going to shit yourself.  
(by Lucía Cabrera)
You must fight this urge. 

When you can no longer stand it, you tell Meghan, and she pushes a valve that releases the water back into the tube, back out of your ass, and through a PICTURE WINDOW, so you can see what's coming out.
. (by vera.)

During a colonic, you repeat this process 3 - 6 times.  
Until Meghan is satisfied that she's pulled out as much old "material"  from your colon as she can.

Oh, and while the tube is in your butt, Meghan is "massaging" your abdomen.  

The aim of a colonic is to remove the toxic, built-up fecal material your body is storing. 

*Fun Fact!* When Elvis Presley had an autopsy, they found his colon stretched to three times its normal size and jam-packed with fecal material.  
Damn, hoss.
Sarah got a colonic and was raving about it, so I wanted one, too.  
It ended up being gross and fun and totally worth it.

It flattens your belly and makes you feel radiant. 
Your cheeks glow and suddenly your skinny jeans fit and you have also then survived a strange young woman touching your anus and cracking "wasteland" jokes.

Btw, Meghan, who is very pretty and has long shiny dark hair, got into colon hydrotherapy because she "was an English major and couldn't think what to do next." 

Shit, right?

Now she loves her job.  I asked her a thousand questions, first and foremost being

Me: Is giving a colonic to guys super-gross? 'Cause most of the guys I know live off hamburgers.

Meghan: Um, well...yes and no.  Not really gross for me because you would not believe some of the things I see here. And yes because men usually have more "material" in their colons. 

Me: And men have hairy asses.

Meghan: Yes. Yes they do.

All in all, y'allfags:  
Great experience.  But really a weird day.

I don't even let CJ touch my ass. 

I'm not. into. it.

I know it's the 21st century and liking anal is cool and that the anus is a nerve-wonderland of sexual pleasure and whatnot and I'm totally missing out on lots of extra fun...but I'm ass-shy.  

Like a straight man who thinks getting a colonic will turn him gay (Meghan says men have actually worried aloud about that), I fear that something terrible will happen if I let anyone go near my butt.
(by becylouise)
I once let a guy I was dating try to put it up there.  
But that stopped immediately. 
As soon as the first "ow" left my lips.

Homos, I know what you're going to say. 
You're going to say:

1) You weren't using enough lube.
2) You weren't going slow enough.
3) You need to relax.

No.  Fuck that. 
We used lube.  We went slow.  I was relaxed.  
That shit hurt.
[by artistichaos]
Fast forward 6 years: I'm a strange dyke's apartment in Seattle after barclose, letting her have her way with me, ass included.  

Two days later, I'm at the free clinic, with something I WOULD NEVER WISH UPON YOU EVER, EVEN IF I HATED YOU: anal fissures. 

And ever since then, I've been anti-ass.  

Been treating my heinie like it was a delicate spun-glass angel, in the hopes that I would never bleed in such a scary way, ever again.
Now, I've only ever dated a few girls who were open about being into anal.  
Of those, they all looked at me pityingly and said they could live without it when I started wringing my hands like a 9-year-old on a playground, going, "Eww! EWWWW!"

Most lesbians I've dated have been as anti-ass as I am.

Didn't want anything to do with the keister.
Like my ass was Aragog's web in the Forbidden Forest, and Hagrid couldn't go there anymore after Aragog died for fear of being attacked.
But it's weird, because, as queers, we're usually at the forefront of sexual exploration. 

We're into pushing boundaries. 
We like bondage and role-play and polyamory and gender-bending and cross-dressing and we could do all those things on any given Tuesday afternoon, with or without cocktails.

We're gay!  Every time we do it, the straight world thinks we're having 'unnatural' relations! 

So why don't I know many dykes that like anal?
[via scatterhearted]
Is it that we just won't admit it?

Is it that we somehow associate liking anal sex with evil straight frat boys who want girls to get drunk and take it up the ass?
The gay boys like it.  
The straights seem to like it.  I have straight girl friends who tell me they "love anal."  For a long time, I pitied them for being brainwashed by Cosmo and figured they were lying, but their boyfriends' staunch refusals to break up with them tells a different tale.

Why don't I know many dykes that like it?

Is everybody lying?  
And into it, and just not saying so?

Am I just hanging around with the wrong mos?

There's an awfully big section of ass-toys at the woman-owned/woman-friendly sex toy store...

Lesbians: do you hang out down there?

[via brokeneyes]


  1. My girlfriend and I just bought our first strap-on for Christmas. It came with two dildos, one for the vajay and one for the derriere. Sooo... we've felt almost obligated to start experimenting "back there" so that we can get our money's worth. So far, we've only given it a single go and didn't get any further than a finger. My ladyfriend's response was, "Well, I'm just not sure what to think about that. BUT if I was more relaxed/less nervous about it/more drunk, I THINK I could enjoy it."

    So there you have it. Mind you, we haven't tried it since, but it's out there, on the horizon, as a possibility... a giant looming arse of a possibility.

  2. ey this one wasn't that funny. i think ass and poopie is a frontier most girls don't want to encounter. why, you ask? there are chemicals in poop designed to disgust you so that you don't die by eating it. butt=poopie. no one ever died by eating tottie.

  3. You know when youre having sex and it gets really intense and you could just keep doing what you are doing and it would still be awesome, but you could also add something and make it TOTALLY MIND BLOWING? Well, adding a finger or two 'back there' definitely does the trick.

    This is the best discovery i have ever made for two reasons. The first being that it is a wonderful sensation and really who can complain about mind blowing sex. The second is that depending on the mood, it either makes me feel totally dominated (which I happen to love) or it makes me feel very close to my partner in a more intimate way than other sex. In like a 'i wouldn't let just anyone do that to me, and it feels good that you wanted to have me in that way' kind of closeness.

  4. I totally, totally love it. And I've been told by so many people so many times that it's disgusting that I have complete issues about admitting to loving it! But damn, there isn't much that can make me come harder than a finger 'back there' just when I'm thinking the big O may not be in the cards for me that night...

    Krista, inquiring minds need to know, how do you come up with so many new names for us to open with every entry? It fascinates me. Do you keep a file of them? ;)

  5. With my first girlfriend, we experimented with anal once. She put a single finger in me. I bled. I was terrified, and we never did it again.

    Fast forward to second girlfriend, and myself experimenting with a few fingers during solo play - AMAZING. Then during strapon sex later in our relationship, it was a nice surprise to have her slip it to me like a twink would want it given to him. It's kinky and it feels damn good. BTW, you ARE hanging out with the wrong mo's.

  6. LOVE IT.
    Mind you, we use condoms on toys, gloves on hands, showers on bodies afterward, but so so worth it.

  7. Never tried it. I might one day, but only with a partner I really, really trust.

  8. Overall, it was like a shitty experience for me. I'll just let myself out the back door for using a lame ass pun. Whoops, those other two just slipped out. Never again.

  9. Me and my partner really enjoy it. Mind you, we roleplay a male gay vampire S/m relationship... so I guess it's the most normal thing about our sex life. ;)

  10. Maybe a finger now and then, just for the dirty wrongness of it. Otherwise not so much. It's annoying that once something's been in there, it's either out of play for the evening or needs to be disinfected. Not worth the hassle for either of us.

  11. I've never met a lezzy who requested it - maybe we just SO obsessed with cha-chas. Maybe I'm missing out, but it's not something I want to discuss - ass talk is just not a turn on for me. Maybe if my partner just went for it while already nailin' me, maybe not. I'm not sure why this is so not sexy to me while I will happily discuss a many other things to do while rolling around naked.

  12. I'm with ya on this one, Liplicker. Doesn't do shit for me (I will try to refrain from buns-uh...puns).
    What I've always heard (from my hetero lady friends) is that they don't actually like it. The ones who do it say they like it for their boyfriend's sake. And their boyfriends are idiots for not realizing their girlfriends don't like it...damn, glad to be a dyke sometimes.
    But...ladies don't have um...sensitive areas in there. Men do. That's why guys like it. But...I'm with the Cosmo argument on this one...girls like it because they've been told they're supposed to in order to please their partner.
    (At the risk of getting myself in trouble here, yes, I'm sure some of you ladies like it and not because you feel "obliged" to. But it probably has something to do with other stimulation, as women don't have pleasure centers in their derriere).

  13. I loathe actual penetration... mostly because I was roofied at a party & woke up to a guy I didn't know fucking me in the ass. So yea.

    However, my gf loves it & would do it every.single.fucking.time. If I let her, that is, & I won't.

    However, a little salad tossing? AMAZING.

  14. I've played with it a couple of times and I think given patience and the right partner it can be a world of fun. I did enjoy what we did. There I said it, I'm lesbian and I liked it.

  15. Would never, ever, ever, ever, no.

    A little basic biology and physiology reveals a host of reasons why it is seriously inadvisable (not to mention a little good-old yuck factor).

  16. i have a straight friend and she said anal doesn't give her any pleasure. it only gave her backaches. lol. she lets her bf do that for his pleasure not hers.

    never tried anal. i wonder where i can get colon hydrotherapy.

  17. tongues fingers vibrators plugs.


    and truthfully, if you're not open to the idea (AND relaxed AND lubed up AND so turned if a gentle breeze hit you're clit you'd bust) you probably wont enjoy it.

    not for everyone, but worth trying (3 - 4 times, just to be sure).

  18. It's the bees' knees. Check out Tristan Taormino's _Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women_.

  19. Well, I've tried it with my ex. I've enjoyed it (~5-10 times; although it was just 2 fingers, no dildo/toys) and as is goes for her - she said it was enjoyable, but then immediately told me to *take them out!* and she never wanted to do it again.

  20. Um, my current lover is totally obsessed. OBSESSED. She is passionate anyway, but, um, a finger in there - and she literally goes wild; almost incoherent. As for me - aaaai dunno, kinda gross. I've tried it, but.. nah. Nope. Not for me. Still, I'm ok with almost anything and now how to derive pleasure from it, so I think I'm not missing on much. ^^

  21. I'm straight. My husband LOVES anal play. I DO NOT. However, if he's been particularly wonderful, occasionally I will use anal play as a gesture, a thank you. Very rarely does anything larger than his forefinger ever come into play. I prefer that to the salad toss. But the salad toss is what he enjoys most. I try to be open, occasionallly experimenting. But it's not my cup of tea. I don't enjoy lots of things I do....horseback riding, desert camping, etc. But I do it for him. And he, well, he gets pedicures for me :D

  22. yes! it's not an every day thing, but ass play is pretty A+ in my book. it definitely requires trust, so maybe that's part of what's so hot about it for me-- element of power play, swoon.

    tongues are good. fingers are good, but plugs / small cocks with sufficient give (I have a fairly petite Vixskin one that's pretty perfect) are better. relaxation & lube are key, as is lots of teasing / getting worked up beforehand.

  23. Teasing the hole is one thing. But nothing more. No. Nope. Never. Absolutely not.

  24. ive tried it once....NEVER AGAIN. i ran out of the room crying holding my ass. so i think im done with that area. I'd have no problem doing it to a girl if she really wanted it butttt...thats it. I'm taking myself out of that ball game.

  25. my girlfriend and i actually squirmed and went 'eewwww' while we read this. so no. no no no no.

  26. generally, i don't like anything bigger than two or three fingers in any orifice, but there have been a few occasions where I was amazed at my stretching abilities so I'd be willing to try I suppose. I am, however, certain that a little rim job can definitely heighten arousal in some situations.

  27. i recently discovered that my butch bottom partner likes a finger in the ass. so of course, i enjoy providing one...

    for me, though, i've never been able to get into it. in the past it has either hurt or made me feel like i have to take a shit. neither sensation is pleasurable for me. i know it's probably largely psychological, but oh well. i'm opting out.

    what is truly wonderful, though, is that my partner can admit to enjoying it, and that i can admit to not getting into it, and both are fine. i fuck her in the ass periodically, and she never goes near mine. it's okay, because we've talked about it. we know where we stand.

  28. My girl LOVES it. LOVELOVELOVELOVES it. she could get rimmed for days! And the one time she squirted (WIN!!) there was anal involved. And holy shit have you ever had a girl squirt on you? I thought that shit was fake! It shocked the hell out of me!

  29. No. None shall pass. The whole concept humiliates me and makes me feel like a two year old. And I'm not into humiliation play.

    So No.


  31. As this thread aptly demonstrates, RadDyke is completely incorrect: women DO, in fact, have nerve endings in their butts. Shock :P Also the more intense vaginal nerve endings are geographically next door and can be stimulated indirectly.

    I've never gone beyond a finger - the slight pain does not go away, but some motions produce enough pleasure to balance it out. I wouldn't personally suggest it when more unequivocally fun things are on offer, but it's nice enough if the other person's into it.

  32. NO. Did it once to appease and ex bf.

  33. queer grrl in the cityJanuary 11, 2011 at 9:34 PM

    it's not my thing. not at all. i do like your blog, however ;)

  34. Ummmm. No. I never go there, never again. If you must know why, fellow dykes, google rectal stenosis. Nuff said.

  35. I LOOOOOVE Anal. I'm a lesbian, but back in the day I slept with men--bisexual men who opened my eyes up to the joys of anal..and I have honestly gotten to the point where I wont date someone who isn't into it. My ex gf rimmed me as much as she ate me out..and dildos went in my ass just as much as they went in my vajayjay...and I'm telling you, I personally won't be w/o it. In my personal group of lesbians, I'm the only one who LOOOVES it, but no one is really against it.

  36. I love my fingers in ass. It gets me pretty worked up. Don't get to go there very often...like never at this point. I have never had the pleasure of receiving but would not mind AT ALL.

  37. Love it. But as others have said - it must be added when I am already so riled up and horny and just need something more to push me over the edge - I usually come instantaneously with anal penetration as its the last little push I needed...

    be horny, lubed up (silicon absed lube is best)and start with a pinky finger if you have to. if it hurts, just stay still (dont pull out or push deeper) until the pain goes and then push a bit further, but i seldom experience pain if adequately warmed-up(I have when drunk and not really doing things right, and yikes it can be very sharply painful!)

    As for gross factor? Well, if you keep yourself clean and have regular bowl movements there really shouldn't be any problem - poop doesn't live in the part of the anus you are playing with, it just passes through there when on the loo!

    And raddyke is mistaken - women most certainly do have pleasure centres in their anuses - there are tons of nerve endings there, plus you can stimulate the deeper part of the clit from there.

  38. So, generally, I'm not the "post comments" type, but I thought I needed to weigh in on this one. As a midwifery student, I've been learning ALL about female anatomy. And here are some bits of wisdom to pass on... There are most certainly nerve endings and pleasure centers involved in anal sex for women!

    In fact, the perineum is rich in blood vessels, muscles (the ones directly involved in female orgasm), and in pleasurable nerve endings. According to Anne Frye (the goddess of midwifery text books http://www.midwiferybooks.com/), when an episiotomy is cut, it is comparable to actually cutting the clitoris, because some of the same nerve endings are seated there. The perineum is a big part of the pleasure felt during orgasm and can definitely be stimulated during anal sex.

    Also, the clitoris is not just the little pleasure button that you see in the vulva during sex. It is quite extensive. The clitoris extends up into the body a couple of inches before it takes a turn down toward the vagina. It forks and runs down along both sides of the vulva, past the opening of the vagina, and ends very near the anus. There are also two bulbs of clitoral nervous tissue that are seated on either side of the vagina. When a woman is aroused, all of these nerves are easily accessible through the anus. Indeed.

    Sooo, that's the pleasurable nerves that can be reached during anal sex, just in case you're wondering.

    Also, for the record, I can't orgasm unless I've got something up my ass. It took a lot of experimenting (all by myself) and a ton of lube, but I effing love it!

  39. PS Krista, your blog is a bright spot in my life! And, it has in fact helped me with the ladies... some (I'm pretty hopeless). Keep it up!!

  40. I love anal but my partner is a prude. My poor ass has gone untouched for five long years, well by another person anyway. I do what I have to when she isn't home.

  41. why have you stopped giving gaydar advice and started consistently asking for advice? i still like your posts but the ends of each one is starting to be quite anti-orgasmic... :(

  42. I like it BECAUSE it hurts ... just my thing :-o

  43. short answer - yes. In my experience most of the gaystream grrls arn't into it, and the queer-identifying grrls are.

  44. If i'm with a partner who is into it or my ass I get WAYYYY into it. she's nailing me, then she slips her fingers into my ass and its ALLLLLL over

    so hot, kids, everyone just needs to get over the idea of it all.
    if you enjoy just plain being railed, you'll probably like it.

    i wish more people weren't so afraid to say it

  45. Bex - I agree!

    only done it a few times, never hurt, sure was hot though

  46. yes, but fingers only please.

  47. Maybe she has many approaches to writing her blog. Maybe we learn a lot from each other. Maybe you need to get nads and criticize the ideas instead of just receiving. Otherwise I bet it gets really boring on Krista's end. And ours. Easy to be anonymous.

  48. Yo biscuit-butterer,

    Weirdly enough, I have these two exes who were both major ass girls. The first one was all "yay i like it in the butt!" and proud, but the second one was all sneaky about it. She wouldn't talk about it, and never mentioned liking it, but would always manoeuvre herself into strange twisty positions that meant that my fingers would get up there anyway. Sometimes I would try to go back to my intended destination (this train is headed for Vagville, ya ho), but she would squirm around and make it impossible. And she would only come with something up her ass. But if I ever mentioned anything about it, she would freak out and say "I would never let anything go up there! What's wrong with you?"

    Weird lady, so we broke up.

    Personally I'm not a big fan. If I'm excited enough and open enough to being dominated (which happens less and less at the moment), I'll maybe let a girl slip a finger up there. It's not the best, though, and I think the thrill of it is more of a psychological possess-me thing than an ooh-this-feels-really-good physical thing.

    But yanno, if everyone liked the same thing in bed, there wouldn't be any challenge in being a good lay. Right?

  49. when my girl and i first started experimenting with it it felt sooooooooooooooooooooooo weird, like you had to take a dump.....

    buttt! once you get over that it becomes amazing! I love it when she is going down on me an slips a finger or two in, also if she does it while she has fingers up my vag then...instant orgasm...

    but that's just me

  50. "this train is headed for Vagville, ya ho"


    Straight guy here. Anal doesn't gross me out, but it isn't interesting to me. Like others in this thread, I don't see a reason to pass up the cha-cha in favor of the coal chute. Vaginas have panache.

    My partner, on the other hand, LOVES it, top, bottom, and sideways. I've bottomed a few times, but despite having a prostate, I get nothing out of that.

    That said, this post made me want to get a colonic.

  51. Lesbian here and I loooooove anal. I hated it with men back in my "straight" days but now it's my favorite. And not just some mamby pamby finger up the ass either. I like my girl to be strapped up (7 inch dildo), bend me over and fuck the hell out of me. I have the most intense orgasms from it and usually wind up hoarse from yelling at the top of my lungs. I actually can't quit fucking my ex because she is so good at it and gets off on giving as much as I enjoy receiving. To borrow from Trey Songz, the neighbors definitely know her name.

  52. Skippa here ... i reckon yer DEF hangin wit da wrong mos!!! All you good women out there who haven't tried it ... when done properly, IT IS THE BEST!

    I was always interested in experimenting but ex-whose-name-i-dare-not-speak always responded with variations of 'eww, gross, access denied'. for SEVEN long years i remained butt free ... but certainly butt curious.

    Sooo, eventually a hideous break up ensued etc etc and as part of my new found 'liberation' after seven monogamous years i pretty quickly found myself the opposite type gel (in terms of. sheer. wicked. unabated. get down. and dirty. sexual. pleasure.). uh-huh.

    this woman loved ass. giving and receiving. fucking and sucking ...

    Fuck Fact: there's three ways a woman can orgasm - clitoral, vaginal ... and tadaa, anal.

    you get the three working together, and, as one of the posters above said, it can produce MINDBLOWING sexual pleasure. With the right 'ladies bowling partner', you can actually orgasm via all three pleasure spots. simultaneously.

    i'm not kidding.

    to anyone out there who thinks they can get beyond the 'eww' factor and is a little bit butt curious - i say DO IT!

    i cannot. recommend it. highly enough.


  53. I love it. It gives me a different orgasm - while vag/clit orgasms make me sleepy and cuddly afterward, ass orgasms make me feel rather alert and on-the-go, let's-get-up-and-make-breakfast-now, kind of feeling. This has (erroneously) given me some insight into gay male public sex culture. Sometimes you just want it in the ass, and nowhere else!

    Although I hated it the first 3 times I tried it with men, it has been GREAT FAST ORGASMS with women. Strap ons, plugs, dildos, other thick objects... but I hate rimming/licking. It makes me feel like a baby getting her butt wiped during a diaper change. And I could never lick someone else's ass. Never!

    Funny story:
    My ex had never received, and was nervous to try it, but was convinced after seeing how much I loved it when they rammed my ass with a strap on. So I inserted my crappiest $12 lime-green vibrator, lubed and sheathed, into their ass. They didn't get into it, and were like "I'm sorry, I know you like it, I just can't!" So I pulled it out, and it smelled SO RANK that I just said, "That's ok, honey," turned around, and dropped it into the trashcan. The end (of the vibrator, and of their butt play).
    Lesson: poop before you play. I've stuck things in my ass and never pulled anything gross out, except for natural ass-lube. Dan Savage calls that "Santorum" after the senator.

  54. I have to say I, too, miss the gaydar posts! (And I don't see what posting "anonymously" has to do with it.) I know this blog has sort of evolved over time, but I wrote in asking a question and have been patiently waiting for a reply by email or in a post. (It says right on the banner: Your girl gaydar sucks. Let me help you.)

    Well, I haven't been getting much gaydar help here lately, but I still think the posts are amusing. That being said, I would still love to see some more dyke style, coming out stories, Q and A stuff.

    In the interview Krista gave she said she is writing a book that is focused entirely on "gaydar." I hope that happens because I'm sure it would be hilarious!

  55. I'm really surprised that no one is asking WHERE THIS MEGHAN WORKS. I'm getting my bff a colonic for her birthday (i'm getting one too. maybe we can hold hands) and I really would like to go to Meghan. Because she's pretty. But really just because this was a pretty glowing review. Please tell me.

    Weighing in... I'm a bi girl, married to a man. I like anal when I'm very very turned on. It's real nice if I've got the vibrator on my clit while he's up there. I'm wondering if it's different with girls because one of the reasons I like it is because I see how much he's loving it and that is what gets me hot. Hmm.

  56. I really want to try anal after reading these comments. Like, right nowwww.

    k. also, i agree Krista, sort of, I mean I LOVE your blog....but i want so mo' dykey stuff.

  57. I've got to say that I've always had this theory on anal and that is that people either love it or hate it. Literally I've never met someone who's been in the middle grounds with it, and being a lesbiho I've talked about anal a lot with people. So yeah, I'm all for it and I'm super gay :D! Oh, but I do have a rule nothing thicker than two fingers up there - that includes toys.

    My queermo brothers don't like anal sex though - crazy world!

  58. Er, p.s. - totally cute changes :D~

    Wish I could do the opposite but my hair always ends up some crunked up Asian blonde =X!

  59. I like that Krista is creating a dialogue amongst us by posing questions. Everyone weighs in and often times I've found myself moved to tears by what yall have shared. It's easy to see that an activity like watching TV is passive... but so is READING. The format the blog is currently under creates a more dynamic reader-author relationship. The change is a natural "happening" that comes with creating something. Thank you, I'm all for it.

  60. MerCandyPerfumedGirlJanuary 13, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    Ah...this makes that Outhere Brother's song play on an infinite loop in my head ♪I wanna f**k you in the ass♪ (The Afuno Mix to this is great).

    As much as I love singing this song aloud and making the motions of ass-thumping in public, I personally don't feel compelled to try. Maybe I need to be initiated by some sultry ass-magician, but it's not on my top 10 to-do list.

  61. Do NOT want to receive any attention to my hole, rimming or otherwise.

    One girlfriend did ask me to fuck her in the ass, but only once, because I think I wasn't gentle enough. I also didn't really see the point.

    Back when I dated guys, I did like putting a finger up his ass (gloved, of course), and did like pegging.

    But that's only because that was the only way to penetrate him.

  62. Re: The evolution of this blog.

    I don't see why it has to be either/or. I still read religiously, but miss the old gaydar posts. Hopefully Krista's book will be published and we can both be happy. If the goal is a reading-author relationship, I think it's fair to say we can comment on the content and let her know what we want to see as readers.

    I'm still waiting for an answer to my question of how to tell the difference between a straight hipster chick and a lesbian one. This has caused a serious problem in Uptown Minneapolis. Maybe readers can help with this?

  63. I started reading this blog around the time of your Seattle craigslist-aided "week of fucking" post. One of the things I've enjoyed most is your sex-positive, body-positive writing. But your last post on transitions gave me pause, and this one is bugging me too. In both, it seems like you're looking for an echo, a "me too" from readers on something that makes you uncomfortable, whether it’s FTMs transitioning or anal sex. As a queer woman who dates a trans man and loves anal play, I feel like I've gone from being a member of your audience to being a weirdo outsider. Maybe it's just my own conflicted feelings about being cast out of the "dykes" club for dating an FTM, but I don't see myself depicted positively in your recent posts.

    It sounds like you gave anal a good try, and more than once. Hell, if I'd had anal fissures I wouldn't go back, either! But why the negativity? Everyone has a sexual act or two that they just aren’t into, no matter how hard they try. For me and a lot of your readers, it’s scissoring :) However, anal is unique because our natural interest in butt-exploration has been simultaneously distorted, repressed, and fetishized to a greater degree than anything except maybe blow jobs.

    I get why you don't like anal play and I'll totally let you off the hook for it after hearing your story, but the way in which you wrote your post encouraged a lot of readers to respond with anti-anal comments of their own. It makes me sad to see how much shame and suspicion we dykes still carry around our own sexuality, and it makes me sick to see fellow queers loudly parrot the mainstream anti-body, anti-sex bias that I’m used to hearing from the mouths of conservative Christians. This anti-anal backlash is not only disappointingly sex-negative, but also homophobic in the true sense of the word (emphasis on the phobic). What about gay men, who, for better or worse, are best known for their butt-loving? And never mind the straight women strapping it on for their husbands? "Bend over boyfriend" is a lot more popular than you might think …

  64. my girlfriend and i both like it once in awhile. she was surprised to find out that she did. I already knew i was into it. i think i'm still more into it than she is. i dont like asking for it. i dont ask for it. if i get a little finger up there sometimes, that's awesome but it's gotta be the right night, y'know.

  65. I date butcher girls and about 3 months into any relationship i throw the shocker just to test the waters. They are usually surprised because I am pretty femme, but so far I've never had any complaints. Also, my current girlfriend doesn't let me penetrate her anywhere BUT the bootyhole, and I toss her salad as well.

    It's not just gay men!

  66. "about 3 months into any relationship I throw the shocker just to test the waters"

    LMAO. Awesome phrasing!

  67. Helllllll no I am not going to be an anal bottom anytime soon.

    I know that once you get used to it, it's supposed to be awesome. I have heard this from well reputed sex books for lesbians, the gays of course, and ladies who are obsessed with these things and insist that rimming is regular foreplay. Or I'll see gay porn and feel like I must be missing some magical element of ass love.

    There are only two scenarios in which I consider this:
    1. I meet an adorable lesbian who has some fantasy of doing my ass like we're in prison. Just like straight women who I suspect don't enjoy anal as much as they say they do, I'm willing to do stuff I'm not necessarily that into sometimes.
    2. If I was in a threesome with two adorable bisexual twinky guys. I think I would pretty much have to.

  68. I am ok with the idea but haven't sufficiently explored it. My last gf was definitely against it, despite saying she had done everything, but when my hands were on her butt she was like "that's my asscrack!" and I could def tell she would not go any further.

    Another ex rimmed me once (with a dental dam) and it felt great, I was just a little self-conscious.

  69. Leave my ghey ass alone!
    the end.

  70. Love, love, love giving - I'm a High Femme Top and think there's nothing better in the world than caning my sweet (female) boy bloody then violating that battered bottom.

    happy sigh

    a little pain and degradation make us both very happy - but we're like that ;)

    Other ass-play is also good - using smallish plugs during other activities...

    I'll receive rimming - not interested in other anal play on me and I think it would do her head in if Ma'am wanted that anyway.

  71. I'm guessing, as a bisexual, that lesbians aren't into anal because they have a perfectly good vagina about two inches away. That's my thought on it anyway...

  72. I've been talking a lot to my best guy friend about this recently. I personally think it is extremely easy to 'slip into a shocker' and it just sort of happens without me even really trying sometimes, and so far has seemed to have rather nice results for the other person involved. More than this would be a big deal to me, but the lil bit of penetration seems kind of natural at times.

    He is pretty grossed out by all things anus (even though he is a bit bi - this bit is holding him back) and disagrees with me about the ease of this happening in bed.

  73. ooh, I forgot about doing it to guys!
    I pegged a bi guy I was doin for a while back in my straight days, assuming he'd like it, and he was blown away... and then told me he'd never actually had anything in his ass before, and that no one had never asked him if he'd wanted that before, so it was totally groundbreaking for him to finally have that desire met and that gay-panic boundary broken.
    It was actually pretty sweet and touching :) and it made me feel hella good to penetrate someone and make them feel so good (which is still queer for a girl!)

  74. ass play rules.
    and because a lot of other commenters are strictly situationally ass ladies, let me offer some quick advice on how to make anal play an everyday thing. I work at one of those "dykey feminist sex stores" and as my boss nicely put it when I asked her advice about anal sex:

    *throws me a bottle of Slippery Stuff water based gel lubricant
    "lube, gloves, and slowly."
    also a little toy like this one:


    work wonders. A lot of mens prostate toys feel awesome for bio girls.
    makes double penetration a reality when a lot of ass loving dykes I know just can not/are not interested in anything much larger than a couple fingers (ie: dildos are usually too big).

    and if you all are looking to rim etc. which is also quite nice, try using saran wrap (NOT the kind you can microwave) as a barrier. That way you still get all the visuals, no weird latex flavors, you can have as large of a sheet as you would like, and its cheaper and just as effective as a dental dam.

    enjoy yourselves!


  76. Anal sex can be pretty mind blowing if you do it right.
    What I've learned is:

    1. come at least once or twice by clitoral/vaginal stimulation, before you try to do anal - you will be very lubricated, relaxed and horny.

    2. first entering must be slow and progressive. personally, I hate fingers since the feeling of them twisting inside is sometimes not pleasant, so I just want the dildo in there from the beginning to the end

    3. when it's all inside, stop moving for a moment and let your body adjust to the feeling

    4. there is a VERY pleasureable spot when the dildo is deep inside of you, so keep the penetration very deep and slow, do not let the girl take it all out and then back in again all the way when you've just begun adjusting

    5. rub your clit to distract you from concentrating on the ass and if you will feel pain or not

    6. once you hit that deep amazing spot, and trust me - it's there, the fun begins <3

  77. ah, i'm late to comment, and after 80 of them i'm sure everything's been said.
    and i don't blame you after the anal fissures, that shit's traumatizing.
    however, i found out i liked anal the same way i found out like kissing.
    i remember when i realized kissing was wet, slimy even, kind of gross if i thought about our tongues being in eachother's mouths. and complicated. i thought it would just happen, but i had to like, tilt my head, and not accidentally hit her teeth, etc. then because i liked her, i kept up with it, and realized after the first couple tries that it got good. and wasn't actually disgusting.
    same thing with having it up the ass. her idea, not mine, and i went - eh? and we didn't even use lube. it was just a couple of fingers, and after the first couple of moments i realized it wasn't so bad. just like kissing.
    maybe this isn't something most people are comfortable talking about; i don't find it any more disgusting than going down on someone. eating a girl out didn't taste like an ice cream sundae, but i loved her enough to keep going, and ended up finding it rewarding in its own way. and worth it.
    so i think with anything you try, there's going to be an initial moment of disgust, almost.

    anyway, one last word on anal specifically (tmi maybe, and i'm really sorry if this comes off as awful, but i can't find another way to put it.) sometimes taking a shit is fucking awesome. maybe it's just me. but if you really need to go, it's a relief, and a kind of pleasurable one. not the same kind as voiding your bladder.
    but as far as "missing out", hey, if you don't feel like you're missing anything then more power to you, and who cares what anyone else enjoys? what matters is that you have satisfying sex.

    and my first girlfriend, ironically enough, liked anal more than anything. she said being fingered felt too vanilla, or something. i never did understand it. she came from it, too.
    to each their own. o.O

  78. A word of advice; do it in the shower/bath, and then you won't tense up worrying about what's gonna come outta thurr.

  79. Honestly, I love it. I had never tried it until about a year ago - always wondered about it though. One day during a conversation with my girlfriend regarding our fantasies, we both admitted to being interested in pursuing it.

    We did. And let me tell you... we've been hooked no it ever since and it has definitely become a part of our sexual life.

    Understandable that not everyone might be "into" it. To each it's own. But, word to the wise - you won't know it till you try it.


  80. Hi, could you please credit my picture? I'm the one with the septum piercing.
    My flickr is


  82. That should really be your own decision and not dictated by anyone's idea about how open to experimenting people should be. If you've tried it and don't like it, don't do it. If you haven't tried it and the thought really turns you off, rather not do it. If you would like to try, I'd suggest to do it on your own first.
    I kind of like it, but it's still too messy and/or preparation-intense to do it more often than once in a while.

  83. My girlfriend and I do everything under the sun, I would say. If you're worried about LBD, anal play is the surefire answer to NEVER getting bored in bed. SRSLY SO GOOD. I'm an ass woman, though, I guess. And she was never the kind of girl who liked anal play until one day we sort of, um, fell into rimming. (I NEVER thought I would do that or like it, but it was HOTT.) We've never looked back! ;)

  84. to: S. Lillian Connelly

    Randomly, I think that my mother edited all of Anne's books. And for some reason I felt the need to comment on this.

  85. I like it in a BDSM context. Like it helps me feel a lot more submissive.

    But on its own merits not so much. I guess the point is that it hurts...


  87. My gf, who's more the femme and bottom, loves it all the time, basically anytime we mess around she wants it. I have to be gentle, but she comes so powerfully with it in addition to traditional penetration. It's not difficult and I think many people are missing out because they haven't tried it. I don't like it much, but it's interesting how much she does.

  88. my girl doesn't like penetration. at. all. my biggest issue with that? no anal. ever. for either of us.

  89. hehe thats where do-do comes out from... funny...

  90. I like it-- giving and receiving. That being said, my ladyfriend and I both have to be squeaky clean, there must be rimming involved, and NEVER more than a finger or two for me. I will, of course, give her whatever she needs.

    It's seriously, seriously intimate, though. It's not something I could do with a one-night stand.

  91. I like it. But there's gotta be a lot of porn and sexing up and getting hotttt beforehand, so we only do it once in a while. My fiance doesn't like it so much, except for a finger or small plug, but me? Fill me up, beeyatch :P

    PS Maybe I'm just totally ignorant and the only one who doesn't know but WTH is "salad tossing"?!?!?!

  92. I like it, but I've never dated *anybody* who did. It remains high-quality wank fantasy material, but nothing else.

  93. I cannot STAND having anything in my vagina, but I love anal. Don't know why.

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