Saturday, December 24, 2016

Happy Holigays! Effing Dykes is BACK!



Well, helloooo, homos!


You know that thing that queers do when they get into a serious relationship and then just… vanish?


Gays.


My sweet, loving, tender gays.


I did this. I pulled this shit on you.
I got myself into a new, serious relationship and fell off the face of the earth.

Three years ago, I stopped writing on this mess. I said I’d be back.
I didn’t come back.


I lost myself inside my new relationship. I never looked at this blog, not even to check to make sure the comments on posts from 2012 weren’t being spammed by weird spell-casting scammers or penis-enlargement sellers.


A year into my “break,” I started to miss writing on here.

I began making excuses.


“This isn’t the right time to talk—the internet does not need to hear from a cis, white lesbian right now. I need to leave room for other voices to be heard.”

“What even is a dyke? Am I a dyke? Is this a word I can still claim? What does it mean? Is a “dyke” a cisgender woman who is only attracted to cisgender women? Because I’m not that. Is “dyke” even a word for me anymore? AUGH.


“If I start up the blog again, I want it to look sleek and new and have a cute new logo and be on a new hosting platform and not look like it was built in 2009. Wait, that’s a lot of work… I don’t know how to do any of that… OK forget it.”


“I’m in the first 100% monogamous relationship of my life, I’m going out way less, and I used to write about sleeping around a lot. Who would want to read anything about what I’m thinking anymore?”


“OMG, there’s a new season of American Horror Story. I’ll write tomorrow.”
[all hail AHS: Hotel season]

I could keep going, gayelles. I had plenty of excuses for why I wasn’t writing anymore, and I don’t mean writing just on here, on this blog.

I stopped writing almost entirely, about anything.


It was because I got really sad.

It happened slowly.
In Chicago, I started to feel lost and quiet and grey, more often than not. Like a light inside me had dimmed, somehow, and I didn't know how to take steps back to when it was bright.


I used to be a person I liked. I used to think I was rad, and be thrilled to wake up and see queers everywhere I went, and to go out, and to fool around with my friends. I lived alone, in a beautiful little studio, just me and my pet rabbit, Timothy Maxwell Thumperton.


I loved to write and talk obsessively about homos, and I liked to date everyone.


One by one, without understanding why, I started shutting the windows into my life. I stopped doing the things I loved. I stopped dating. I stopped writing in my journal, I stopped going to queer events, I stopped wearing lipstick.

I moved out of my cute lil' studio and in with my new partner. We loved each other intensely, and had good times. We also fought a lot. Awful fights; fights I didn’t even know I had the capacity to be having.


I stopped talking to my friends about what was actually going on with me. I stopped posting on social media—what would I say? How could I post anything personal when I felt less like myself than I ever had? How could I post anything at all when so much terrible shit was happening in the news, every single day?


I stopped wearing my ~signature look~ (startlingly tight dresses and high-heeled boots) and started wearing oversized, baggy tunics in a limited color palette: grey, light grey, charcoal grey, and black.

Baggy grey tunics, sluts!
CAN U IMAGINE.
And all of a sudden, years had gone by, and I couldn’t actually remember what had ever been fun about me.

I had a vague memory in the back of my mind of being happy, maybe, a long time ago, but I wasn’t anymore, and I didn’t know why, or what to do about it.


One day, this past April, I had a particularly nasty fight with my partner. We’d just moved into a house in Chicago six days prior, and I was upstairs in our bedroom, wondering what the fuck I was going to do and how I had gotten to this place. I called my best friend, Tawnya, who I hadn’t called in a year, and just started crying. I told her everything. She listened and then cried, too. Without even thinking it through, I falteringly asked her if her new house in Minneapolis had any extra rooms.


She laughed, snot through her tears. “Do we have any extra rooms??? Come tomorrow,” she said.


My hands shook as I held the phone to my ear.
My best friend. My ride or die.

“Do you need money?” Tawnya asked. “Do you need us to come get you? Do you want to fly here? Come home. Live with us. Do we have any fucking extra rooms.”

I moved to Minneapolis in August.


I’m entirely single now, for the first time in my adult life.

This should be good.


I had no idea how sad I was, until I wasn’t anymore.


And I’m back! And I feel 300% better! And I missed writing this blog! And I missed you, more than you know! AND WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT FUCKINGGGGGG omg are we ever.

Effing Dykes is officially open for queer business! I don’t know if anyone will even check this anymore, but it’s OK—I really, really just want to write about gheys again, because that used to make me happier than anything.


I’d love it if you wrote to me at effingdykes@gmail.com. Ask me questions! Tell me funny stories! Look for shorter posts, more often. Eventually, there probably will be a sleek new blogging platform, and a cute new logo, and all that other great shit, but for now?


I just wanted to write to y’allfags again.

Lez chat it out, faggettes.

114 comments:

  1. YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! So glad you're back! Thank you for your honesty and courage. Can't wait for more.

    Hugs. (Even though you don't know me. )

    Yay!

    Tanya - the other Tanya

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  2. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE! I'm SO happy you're back and happy. I am ALSO finally happy and can't wait to be a happy gayass person reading the musings of a brilliant, funny, happy gayelle. ๐Ÿ’œ

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  3. YESSSSSSSSSS the greatest Christmas miracle of all!!!!

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  4. OMG THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT OF ALL!!! Welcome back, and I am so glad you're feeling happier than before.

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  5. I'm so glad you're back! And also this speaks to me in ways I'm not sure I'm prepared to handle yet. But I have a tawnya of my own, and maybe I could call her. <3

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  6. Welcome back! Sorry to hear your relationship went the way it did, I hope you've been kind to yourself and have been recovering well.
    Looking forward to reading whatever you have to say.

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  7. THRILLED that you are going to be writing here again!!! Wishing you the happiest of holiday seasons and a rockin' new year.

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  8. We've missed you!! Welcome back! I'm so happy you are feeling better!

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  9. I actually checked your blog a few days ago because I missed reading it so much. So glad you're feeling better and are writing again!

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  10. I miss you, friend. I'm glad you're "back," not just to writing, but "back" to being the person I fell in love with so many years ago!

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  11. So happy to have you back and looking forward to reading this wonderful blog once again. Seeing this post is like hearing from an old friend. Happy holidays, everyone!

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  12. Best Christmas present ever!

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  13. This is amazing! Welcome back to the blog, and to yourself!

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  14. I'm so glad you're back!

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  15. Eeeeeeee! Best Christmas morning ever. Can't wait to read more!

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  16. Merry Christmas Krista :)
    I'm sad to hear that you were sad. I hope your path of rediscovering who you want to be again goes well. I'm glad that you are feeling better now and I sincerely hope that you keep getting happier and happier. Onwards and upwards my friend :)
    Everyone's struggle and situation is unique so we may not understand entirely, but I can imagine that many of your readers have had experiences where they can relate to how you have felt. By that I mean to say You are not alone and I'm sure that we, your readers, will be here to support you.
    I hope you have a very good holiday and a wonderful, magical, joyous, and successful new year.
    It was so nice waking up to a new post and you have made my day. Keep on smiling love :)

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  17. Oh Krista!
    Every time I thought of deleting the link to this blog from my rss feed I got sad at the thought of no more effing dykes and kept it for just a while longer.
    And now you're back and happy!
    I can't wait for more. Thank you, and I think you sound incredibly strong for getting through this.

    GL

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  18. wow, can't believe it had been three years. i used to be a big time reader. so happy you're better, and so so so happy you're back!!

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  19. Oh my god, I just went back to read old articles and I find this <3 <3 <3 And I also *just* got out of a relationship that lasted ~4 years and I'm feeling like such a fresh baby dyke again. So happy you're back!!!

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  20. This is the best news ever! I have missed effing dykes so much! Cannot wait to re-read older articles and read the new ones! Thanks so much for coming back.

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  21. Yayayayayay, this is such a nice surprise amidst the usual 2016 dumpster fire news.

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  22. I just found this blog via a friend.

    Glad you've found your mojo again. Lap up 2017

    No literally. Lap up the lady lakes

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  23. Miracle! I haven't been on this blog since you said you were taking a break. And randomly, I remembered all the good times and checked back (for fuck's sake, I couldn't even remember the name, I had to google random keywords).

    I'm sorry things got so hard - that feeling of disappearing is horrible and numbing. And it's so wonderful to hear that you're feeling happiness again.

    So glad you're back, gayelle!

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  24. THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMASEVE PRESENT EVER <3 <3 <3
    I honestly just wanted to read some Christkwanzakah past E.D. posts and what should greet my eyeballs but new content!

    Sorry to hear of your troubles, damn glad you're back tho <3

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  25. YAAAASSSSSS Merry Muthafucking Christmas to us! Welcome back love <3

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  26. Fuck everything in 2016 except THIS! So glad you're back!!!

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  27. WOHOOO! I've been checking this randomly the last three years, and are psyched that you're back in the writing and blogging game - yay! That must be one of the few great things to happen in 2016 - so thank you so much! Happy gayish new year - hope it will be filled with love, laughter and glitter! <3

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  28. Yaaaas! It's a (gay) Christmas miracle! I have been reading and re-reading the entirety of Effing Dykes for years, and let me tell you, I am thrilled that you're back! I am freaking out! Ahhh!

    Love, Bee.

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  29. So glad I kept this in my reader!!

    Sorry about the rough times. :(

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  30. Omg. Merry fucking Christmas, Happy New Year to me!
    We all love this blog the way it is. No need for a facelift, we all just love and can relate to what you have to say.
    I've totally been there--excuses, baggy clothes, isolation and all. How beautiful that you have a friend ready to take you in and see you through this right away.
    Reading through the comments, it seems like I share the same sentiment with a lot of others who would wishfully check to see if you had come back. I hope you feel the love and know you were missed.
    So happy for you for your return into the world and to this perfect little space ❤️❤️❤️

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  31. A Christmas miracle! Welcome back ❤

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  32. Just found you via Hipsters Broke My Gaydar. Congrats on dumping the fight-maker and congrats on having your Ride or Die friend and especially congrats on returning to happiness and writing.

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  33. I'm screaming
    I missed you like I knew you! When I was just a younger babyer dyke, in a new city, with no queer friends, you were here. As I grew, pulling out my old painful roots and planting new things, making tons of queer friends, feeling strong enough to move to another new city, I never forgot. Welcome back!

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  34. IM SO GLAD YOURE BACK! This blog was such a huge part of my life as a baby gay afraid to come out, and I've really missed it.

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  35. Oh, darling! I missed you! So glad you are back, and fierce and femme forever.

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  36. Yay!! I'm so happy to have found your column just as you started writing again. Thanks for being here and there and everywhere - you tock!

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  37. You rock! It appears I am having spelling problems. Warmly, Abi

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  38. I just got connected to your blog via your NYT editorial on The Lesbian Aesthetic. First of all, want to say you're hilarious and I'm enjoying your blog. Second, as a straight woman (with a slightly gender-bending mindset) with the Lesbian Aesthetic, I want to sincerely apologize to you and other lesbians. I had no idea of what I was doing! I'm so sorry we accidentally appropriated your style! Unfortunately, you're right: it's impossible for us to avoid it unless we wear flats and Michael Kors and the ilk... that stuff is just so impractical, uncomfortable, and expensive, but literally our only other option. Apologies. A new bat signal obviously needs to be created (sorry for complicating your world), and when you do, claim it LOUD AND CLEAR so it's not accidentally appropriated. We will listen- I promise.

    -Cait (a new fan).

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  39. !!! Oh how much I missed y'allfags, and gayelles. When you call me a slut, I feel like the only girl in the room. <3

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  40. I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE BACKKKKKKKK. Ugh how I miss this blog and still check it from time to time to see an update. Please keep this vintage 2009 feel, we dykes don't need the trappings of recent internet fanciness. I hope everything in your life is doing wonderfully as you step into the next version of yourself and find happiness. Thanks for remembering us <3

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  41. SO HAPPY for you!!!!! Welcome back to the land of the living!

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  42. YES!!!! Best New Years gift ever.

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  43. Yay! Ranomly saw a reddit post linking an article you had written for the NY times and got nostalgic for your blog. So glad I checked it! Welcome back!

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  44. Oh my! This blog changed my life and I'm so delighted you are back!! Great NYT article. Cheers!

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  45. Welcome back, Krista!

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  46. the best kind of christmas miracle!

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  47. !!! I am so, so glad you're back. I missed this.

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  48. Yaaaaaaay! It's a holigay miracle! So happy I read that NYT piece about hipsters vs gaydar, and that you linked to this. I think I first discovered your blog via Autostraddle when I was in the midst of my late-onset babygayness. So glad you're back and that I had the good fortune to click that article.

    Best,

    Nicole

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  49. FUCK YEAH I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU BACK SO HAPPY I AM COMMENTING first time post from lurker

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  50. OMG YAY!! <3 <3 <3

    2017 is already the best!

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  51. your article in the NYT today was hilarious!

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  52. Just came here from your BRILLIANT article about hipsters, omfg.

    So, first time here. Obviously I don't know you and haven't been following you, but just..... YES. This is so very yes. I just want to say I fucking love you and GOOD FUCKING WORK <3

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  53. Psh, Krista, are we still reading this? Of course we are! Goddamn, we missed you! When I started reading your blog, I was just a little, baby gay without a girlfriend and fairly convinced that I was the only gay in my town. Your stories made me feel better about life and that someday, I'd meet a fabulous, beautiful lady like yourself, and I did.

    Super happy that you're back!

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  54. This makes me so happy I was like 16 when this blog stopped and I had only just found it and only just started coming into my queerness and I would read archived posts for hours on end and weirdly run across pictures of lesbians I knew and think wow this is so cool and fun I feel like a Real Queer and ever since then I would check back once every couple months to see if there were new posts and there never were and I thought it was GONE FOREVER BUT H E R E W E A R E!!!

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  55. Shit I was just thinking about you and this blog the other day!!!!!! SO glad you are back. I would check in from time to time and today one of my friends shared your NYT article on FB and here I am!!

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  56. Fuck me sideways with a chainsaw, my wife JUST talked about your blog YESTERDAY. So now she just learned that blog is back and almost lost her shit in the living room she's so excited. Just thought you'd like to know you were missed and welcome back.

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  57. Hey, I saw your article about hipsters stealing lesbian culture. On a whim, I checked your blog out again (which I haven't check out since you went on a hiatus) and I'm so happy you are back! I grew up with your writing a lot as a lil queer and all of my gal pals(tm) would be so excited when you had new posts. All the warm wishes to you and a brighter future!

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  58. Woohoo love your writing and craving more!

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  59. Read your piece in the times, searched for more and I found this blog/im glad that you are writing

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  60. one of the only gay blogs I actually really liked! welcome the fuck back, you fabulous gaymo you.

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  61. I used to visit your site regularly. Tried randomly today for the first time in years. So happy you are back!

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  62. WHAT! You're BACK! I'm so excited and also so sad that you've been sad.

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  63. I've seriously checked every month or two since your hiatus started. :) Glad you're back! Sending lots of hugs and bunnies.

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  64. Welcome back, we missed you like crazy!!

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  65. *hug* Congratulations! Free and Fabulous!

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  66. I nearly cried oh my god you're back I'm so happy oh my goddddddddd!

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  67. I don't know why I decided today to check your blog again after at least a year of not looking, but boy am I glad I did! Long live Effing Dykes!

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  68. I am so happy right now! And so happy for you to be back in this head space :)

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  69. Yay!! You're back. I just read your piece in the NYT... decided to check your blog, and here you are! Congratulations on getting back to yourself. Looking forward to more posts. XO.

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  70. You didn't think we'd still be checking in?!! This was my best Christmas present this year. Welcome back!

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  71. I just did a rare blog post of my own and scrolled down to see what was new from others' and was happy to see you. I did see some links on reddit to the Hipster article but didn't click, I will now though. Glad you found yourself again, it's like finding a happy little kid when you look for yourself after shrugging off the shit and the sadness :)

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  72. I'm glad you're back! Even more glad that you're feeling back to yourself and got out of a bad situation. Happy New Year!

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  73. i've periodically checked your blog several times a year ever since you left. preeettyyyyy pretty pretty excited about you being back, gonna need to write you this time around - bc GRL do i have content for you!

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  74. So incredibly happy you're back, you're one of my favorite writers on the Internet <3 Saw your article about hipsters stealing lesbian style linked on Reddit and checked your hyperlink in the article on a whim - SO excited to see the blog isn't on hiatus anymore, yay!!!

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  75. YOU'RE BACK OMG I CAME ON TO READ SOME OLD POSTS AND YOU POSTED NEW SHIT.And bb, I don't care what you post about, I just care that you're posting again.

    #2017highlight #missedu #neverleaveagain

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  76. So good to see you back, and such a relief to read that you're happy again after that sad beginning to the post! Effing Dykes was very missed. If it's coming from you it'll be brilliant content, can't wait to see more!

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  77. YAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS! I am so glad you are back <3

    Please don't change the blogging platform. Fuck chic and modern.

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  78. OMFG, I am soooo glad you're back! And don't feel bad re: not writing to us for so long. I abandoned several blogs without ceremony and without notice. I always feel bad, so I know that is...but you gotta do you.

    Welcome back!

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  79. I'm sorry you had to go through that to get to where you are now, but hopefully now it's out of the way and you'll never end up in such a dark place again.

    Welcome back!

    And thanks for not forgetting us!

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  80. Thank you for returning! I used to love this blog a long a time ago, and I've read your lovely things on Rookie, but it'll be great to hear more about your life!

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  81. Feel better glad you're back

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  82. Yaaaaay!!! So glad you are back, Krista. Your blog is one of my favorites. Can't wait for the next installment. We've missed you!

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  83. YOU'RE BACK AHHHHH WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH XOXOX from australia

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  84. I'm so happy you're back!!!!!!!!!

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  85. On this horrible miserable rainy gray inauguration day, I discovered that effing dykes is back. This is the light I needed today. I just smiled for the first time today. Thank you!!!!! I'm so glad your back! And I'm so sorry for the hard times you've been through, but so glad that you've come out the other side and are doing ok! I can't even tell you how happy I am to see your new posts today. Thank you.

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  86. Oh I'm so glad you're back but even more than that, I'm so glad you're happy again.

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  87. I'm so happy you're back, Krista! Believe it or not, I just re-read your WHOLE blog about a month ago, thinking "Damn, it's too bad Krista doesn't write anymore, and the last post was in 2013 'cause there sure must be some new things to update that gaydar with." And here it goes! Also, I like all things old school so I'm only glad it still looks like 2009 with your iconic style and greetings. And it's great to hear you're feeling better.

    Greetings from Russia, and I'll be waiting for the new posts impatiently!

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  88. Omg you're back!!! I'm so glad, I was wondering what had happened to you????

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  89. KRISTA! YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!! I still talk about this blog all the time and I've missed it so much. This is the best news I've heard all year! EffingDykes is back!!!!!!!!! I'm crying but I'm happy!!!

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  90. I'm so glad you're back :D this is coming from a Sri Lankan lesbian who randomly wanted to reread her favorite blog from years back at 3.30am haha.. keep writing girl . All the best

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  91. You're back! I'm so glad I randomly checked this blog while taking a break from dissertation writing. I'm even more glad you're feeling more like yourself now! The internet always needs another woman's voice and we all need a smile in this dumpster fire time.

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  92. I am so glad this blog is back. I've been checking for years and still have it linked from my blogspot page. I'm glad I checked today and here we are. Much love!

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  93. OOOOOMG Ive had this blog in my favs bar for YEARSS from ~~back when I wasn´t even sure I was queer~~ just hoping maybe you´d be back someday! I´m so glad you´re back, you´re happy and you´re shining.

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  94. Yaaaaaay, you're back! I saw your op-ed this morning and checked the site, just in case... and found out the hiatus is over! I'm glad you're writing again.

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  95. holy shit, holy shit. i check this blog every couple months in the hope you will one day return and it finally happened!! so glad you are in a better place and have returned!

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  96. so glad you're back, krista :)

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  97. I'm still here! I missed you!

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