Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Baby Just Say Yes

[thanks jLow and A]

Hiiiii cunny lingerers!

How's by you?  

Ahhhh I need to tell you I have the best work crush going right now. 

[via switchteams]

Eee hee hee we are talking a cute, kinda androgynous, totally mysterious work crush—I don't know her name, I don't know what she does at my job, I actually don't know anything about her at all except for that she has a sassy undercut and extraordinarily white teeth, which she uses to smile at me when I'm not expecting it. 

This causes me to slosh coffee down my shirt in confused alarm on a near-daily basis.

My work crush's smile is what it would look like if Julia Roberts were also Jesus, and it is deeply unnerving to have it beamed in my direction at random intervals.

Y'allfags should see my vintage white angora sweater.


She just got moved into a desk that's kitty-corner from my desk at the office, and I now spend most of my work day pretending not to look at her. 

This is proving difficult, as summer is coming, and she seems committed to showing the world what exactly tank tops are for. 

[via e-baloo]

She's been my work crush for almost a month now.

And it's fun! She's a reason to put on the extra-tight skirt in the morning; a reason to make a detour past her desk when I'm getting yet another coconut-flavored La Croix from the fridge. 

Nothing serious. 
Juuuust something to take my mind off florescent lights and copy stage meetings. 

Work crushes are good for the morale, amirite? 

But ok: will you do me a quick favor and pretend she's your work crush for a second?

Pretend you, like me, alllllways see her in the bathroom and the cafeteria at the same time as you and she always holds the door for you and you sometimes catch her eye when you glance over to where she sits which means she was looking at you and one time she helped you mop up a water spill and you bumped heads and giggled and you once held the door open for her and you distinctly saw her ears get red.  

[thanks Sara LK]

That's what's going on.


With all that in mind, then—what if you were, say, heading for the train after work, and you suddenly saw this Massive Work Crush of yours walking towards you from about two blocks away? 

What if she looked really cute that day, her hands in her pockets, her sunglasses on and her undercut all fresh and crisp in the newly warm, sunshiney spring breeze?

[via bklynboihood]

What if she was coming closer and closer?

What would you do?

Would you:

a) walk towards her, smiling, and say "Haaaaaaaay" while obviously checking her out;

b) walk towards her with a poker face and pretend you didn't see her (classic lesbian default move!); or

c)  break out in a cold sweat panic, fumble in your bag for your phone, pull it out in order to pretend to be OMG TOTALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT CALL SO YOU TOTALLY DON'T SEE YOUR WORK CRUSH AT ALL and, as you wildly swing the phone up to your face, watch in slow motion horror as it slips free of its case and sails through the air like a sleek silver and black dove, landing shatteringly in the middle of a busy intersection, screen smashing into several hundred pieces and skidding merrily to a stop face-up while about 30 onlookers (including your work crush) wince and go "OOOOOH SHIT" in a rare collective urban vote of sympathy?

If you chose a or b, you and I are in a fight right now.

But whatever. 

Shake it off, faggettes, we cannot let being terrifically socially inept hold us back! 

It's queerdyke mating season! The gays are out to play!  

[thanks kittynwong! this is amaze]

I mean, just a few weeks ago, the streets were empty. 

It was fucking freezing and all any of the lesbians wanted to do was put on pajamas directly after work and watch Game of Thrones

(I get it. I really do.)

That is, when they weren't buying starter cultures for their homemade kombucha, brewing it in Mason jars, and posting the pics on Pinterest. 

[via http://tmblr.co/ZLnKDyJAyV4k]

It has been a long goddamn winter.  

But turn the temperature up 50 degrees, and suddenly the adorable gayfolk are out in force!

I'm sitting at a coffeeshop in Andersonville watching what seems like hundreds of homos walking past, holding hands and licking ice cream cones and wearing brand-spankin', just-bought-a-new-pack-yesterday ribbed tank tops and looking fucking delighted to be outside.

[Bibi McGill via homoarigato]

How I've missed them all. 

The gay boys glistening with sweat as they walk down the street carrying gym bags. 

[thanks Mikal. SYWAD, why don't you]

The queergirls circling around on just-tuned-up bikes, flashing new tattoos and cigarettes tucked behind one ear. 

[thanks Britt G]

The book club dykes sitting outside at a cafe table drinking iced green tea, their Tevas fairly squelching with newness. 

[thanks! loveswing]


Come here you queerz I want to wear this shirt and make out with evvvvveryonnnne!!

[get it, Dad]

Besides impending summer (and horniness!) we have a real reason to be making out—celebration

Two minutes ago, as I was writing this mess and streaming a live news feed on my laptop at the coffeeshop, the votes clicked in. 

The Minnesota Senate just voted, 37-30, to pass the gay marriage bill!!!!! 

[happy tears! happy!]

Minnesota is now the 12th state in Amurrica where homos can get legally hitched! 

The first Midwest state to make gay marriage legal through a legislative vote! 

[thanks! tatsysboots]

After all this time and all the generations of struggle... the THIRD STATE TO DO SO IN TWO WEEKS!

Change is a-comin', faggettes, and it's happening faster than I ever even imagined it would.


[thanks Kailey V.S.]

Hahahaha I don't even know what to do! 

I'm by myself in a public space!
No one knows why I'm cheering! I look crazy!!

Aggghhh I'm crying.

I've been happy when other states legalized gay marriage, but the momentousness of what's happening never really hit me 'til now. 

[thanks keo and ashley]

I've always thought of Minneapolis as my home base, even though I spent my childhood in California and Wisconsin.

When I was 18, and without a thought in my head, I moved to Minneapolis, "choosing" to go college there because I was too lazy to apply to any other colleges. Totally future-oriented! 

[thanks NatFranzia]

I knew nothing about the city or the University of Minnesota, only that I had vaguely enjoyed visiting my sister in her dorm room... exactly one time. 

It was (as all things are, young grasshoppers) the right place for me to be at the right time. 

While I was in Minneapolis, so many things happened. 

I left the Mormon church. 

I figured out I was a lezzzbian

I started doing burlesque, started writing, and found a tight-knit queer family.

[it's meeee and Lola, Sweetpea, Coco, and Switch]

Minneapolis was my headquarters for learning how to consciously build the life I wanted to live.

I will freely admit that I love Minneapolis more than any other city, and not just because it's a wonderful, green, liberal li'l city that's not too big and not too small and has giant rambling houses with screened-in porches and cheap rent and hundreds of bike punks and a massive local food culture and quirkly little coffee shops and miles of shimmering lakes and more lesbians per square foot than a Tegan and Sara concert on Pride weekend.  

[thanks pillowtalkmpls]

All those things help, but that's not why I love Minneapolis. 

I love Minneapolis because it is the first place where I ever felt like I was home. 

[This is the Blue Moon Cafe. Order a maple soy cold press and know I am incredibly jealous from afar.]

Even when I travelled—even when I moved away and then moved back and moved away again—even now, whenever I drive back into the city to visit and see the skyline rising up like a drawing in my head of how a skyline should look, I feel like I'm driving through the place I understand the most, the trees draping into the river, the names of streets and neighborhoods familiar and woodsy-sounding—Cedar, Franklin, Powderhorn, Seward, Hiawatha, Lake.

[thanks pillowtalkmpls]

Minneapolis is my first real home. 

And now everygay I know in Minnesota can finally feel like they're welcome, as they are, in the city and state they've called home for years. 

[thanks Autumn W]

Queers can get married and have the same rights as everyone else in Minnesota now, and I think that this—this basic extension of human dignity and recognition of gay relationships—is going to have a massive ripple effect in my adopted home state, a ripple effect that's already happening all over the country. 

This is some historic shit! 

[thanks Devi and Kalinda]

Gays can get married, for-real-married, and it won't be—as a newly-unfriended-on-Facebook person recently put it to me—"just a couple of homosexuals giving themselves a party with cake and rings" to anyone anymore, no matter how asshole-ish they are or how they feel about queer marriage. 

No one cares aboutcher shitty homophobic views anymore; the law-uh says we kin do it and that's that. 

[thanks Wendy M]


Now, I have a number of queer friends who are already engaged, or thinking extremely hard about getting married, and this just makes things even more awesome for them.

But you sluts know I like to worry.

[thanks Allie]

And while I'm super-happy for all of Minnesota and all the couples who can now recognize their relationships with legal status...

does being able to get married mean that suddenly I have to, um, worry about getting married? 


Because eeeeeek.

All my adult life, I've just blown off the marriage thing.
It was never really a question. 
People would ask me if I ever wanted to get married and I would snort, "Let's see if it ever becomes legal first. Maybe then I'll think about it. Come talk to me if I can be married in one state, cross the border, and still be married." 

And then one day you wake up and it's happening. 

[thanks OISHIIMOMO and Liza]

Maybe I still couldn't go for that I'm-legally-married-in-all-50-states honeymoon road trip across America just yet, but if it can happen in Minnesota, it can happen in any other state. 

And (sorry bigots!) it's going to happen. 

The third state in two weeks, gaymosexuelles.   

Ready or not, it's time to talk about marriage, and not in a "why can't we have it???!!"-type way. 

I mean, I used to be able to count on not being quizzed about marriage or baby plans in social gatherings.  

I'm queer! I may not have rights, but at least I don't have to pretend to care about tying pastel-colored jordan almonds up into tiny bags of tulle!


Now I can't hide behind the "well, it's not legal so let's not worry about it" argument anymore.  

It's starting to happen.  
Friends, relatives - they're starting to jokingly poke me whenever someone announces their engagement and go "Ho ho ho, and when will you be tying the knot?" *wink wink*

[thanks Anya G]


Straights have been bitching about this for shit for years, and I dunno, I always kind of assumed that my publicly avowed goal in life (to have a face full of pussy) would be my protection when it came to nosy people asking me about marriage plans. 

Everyone knew I was a dyke, and so everyone left me alone about it.

[thanks Aimee]

Now I - I - I...I might have to start giving some thought to marriage. 

At some point.

Marriage as a possibility, as something that other mos might want to be shooting for during relationships. 

[thanks Autumn W]

I'm not even sure how I feel about marriage to begin with, and, while America's stance on gay marriage has been unbelievably shitty, it's also been quite a convenient way for me to not really, um, have to think about it. 

My argument was: 

"Gay people can't get married, legally, and I'm gay, and I'm not interested in getting married if it's not legal"

and that was that. 

Ta-da! Neatly boxed and put away in my mind.

[thanks Erin F, haaaay]

As soon as I knew I was someone who liked boobs more than almost anything else on this earth, I abandoned any thoughts of getting married.

[you're welcome]

Wasn't gonna happen.  

No white dress for meeee, well fuck, I guess I'll just have to content myself with piles of hot dyke sex. 

[marry me, jenny]

But with gay marriage slowly sweeping across the country like a drag queen's sequined train, I find myself... a little nervous about what's next, while still being thrilled for everyone who does want to exercise their access to their rights. 

Not being able to get married is a lot different than consciously choosing not to. 

What does this do? 

Now I'm all confused.

Is it ok to still not really care about getting married, or does this put me into some kind of a "commitment-phobic" category now? 

[thanks Chyna]

With state after state voting gay marriage into law, what will happen to the queers who haven't given marriage any, er, real thought or attention whatsoever?  

Are we gay dinosaurs now? 


  1. Just do what you feel is right for yourself. If you feel like you want to go down the marriage route, then go for it! if you feel content with life how it is currently, then continue with that. Just do what makes you happy.

    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. First of all OMG YOU'RE BACK YAYYYYY I MISSED YOU GRRRRL and secondly you are not alone among the gay dinosaurs! I think lots of us have personal ambivalence about marriage.

    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. "and more lesbians per square foot than a Tegan and Sara concert on Pride weekend. "

    tegan and sara are my favorite band of all time, NAILED IT. I LOVE YOU OMFG. Hahahahha this was prime.

  4. Congratulations on Minnesota <3

    But really,is marrige such a big deal? Maybe it's something i don't get as a non-american, is marrige REALLY a thing everybody has to do? Something everybody's dreamed of? I sure haven't. My parents got engaged when I was born and never married (they're still steady after 23 years). To me marrige feels like a lot of work for something that you already celebrate every day: your love for another person, whatever their gender is.

  5. I'm so excited and happy about Minnesota! I have family there and I love the Twin Cities so much that I want to move there one day. This makes me even happier about that plan.

    I hope the laws don't make people feel forced to get married (or to consider marriage if they don't want to). I do hope that this all results in the striking down of DOMA and the passage of federal marriage equality for those folks who want and need it. I have some friends who are binational and have been together forever, and they live with the constant threat of the deportation of one husband, even though they have four children together and are completely integrated into their community - and they are married. I think equal rights mean equal possibilities. But I don't think equal rights mean being forced to do something you don't want to do.

    RIP, phone.

  6. Oh, you are exactly what I needed today! Always a delight to read you, Krista. I giggled so much I'm almost crying.
    No, I do not have anything to contribute to the conversation! ;p

  7. Don't feel pressured to marry. Just be happy it's an option and think about if it's right for you. I'm glad to know by the time I'm ready to settle down I'll probably be married in all 50 states :)

    How about option D? Confess to your crush pathetically when they look at you and walk away very fast before they can do something. You dropped your phone, I dropped my pride.

    Anyways, always happy to see you post... And shocked, you're like a rainbow in some place like Arizona, you pop up, but it's rare.


  8. Yay!! A new post! Just have to say that you made my lunch break at work fanfuckingtastic today.

  9. First off: eeee, you posted on my birthday! Happy birthday to ME. Secondly: guuurl, you don't hafta get married if you don't wanna! I think, for the legal rights it gives, it's definitely a good option to have. I plan on getting married for the protection it offers (also, because I've always wanted to), but no one should feel forced into something like that. It's a BIG DEAL. It's just nice to have legal backup FINALLY if something's wrong with my wife or kids, and also for tax-related purposes.

  10. First - the Pink picture...oh my! Thank you!! ;)

    I live in St. Paul and was so glad to see a blog post by you today, I just knew you would have a fantastic post about marriage!! I was at the capital yesterday and it was so awesome to be surrounded by thousands of people promoting love and equality. My gf and I are recent transplants to MN and love love love the twin cities!!

    Finally, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to marry, yet, ever, whatever! It needs to be available to us, but we don't have to do it. Celebrate the legal commitment of others, and the equality offered, that an be enough. :)

  11. Yup. I spent the first 19 years of my life talking about how I'd never get married...turns out that was just my subconscious telling me I don't want to marry DUDES, and now that I can legally marry girls...oh...um...I haven't thought about that!

  12. So deeply happy for the gayelles in MN. But, um, yes, THIS.
    I'm a Californian, so I gots some time. I suspect it will take an actual miracle to resolve the clusterfuck we have going on. But I do know that I don't have anyone in my life right now that I want to spend a 50 state road-trip honeymoon with, let alone the rest of my days. Which I'm taking as a sign that I'm just not ready to get married.

  13. 1. Crush~ subtle-flirt.

    2. Marriage~ As a bi person who is married, first I am rabidly & wonderfully happy for everyone who is finally getting the legal recognition of their human rights!!!! Thank you Universe! About time! Now, as for your worries...first of all, things are changing really quickly, right. That is not a reason to go crazy & GETMARRIEDNAOOMG. Marriage is a really heavy commitment, & it should be talked over and talked through very carefully...as in, months type if not years type conversations from time to time. Evaluate your relationship carefully, make sure that this is IT, goddammit, and then make the plunge. If after that evaluation you think you're not ready, then don't. You have time, and it will be okay.

    We've missed you, beautiful. :)

  14. Yay!!! Krista's back!

    On the subject of marriage: I agree with the intelligent lady above me. I'm glad you're struggling with it because I am too. I think marriage is a big deal,and something you really have to mull over. It's also definitely not the best choice for everyone. I, for example, have never pictured myself getting married, and don't know if I could ever be happy that way. That said, I am over joyed for my fellow queers who have and want to marry that the number of places welcoming them are increasing so quickly right now!

    On the subject of the crush: I'm a tad bit jealous!I need a crush. I'm a femme and my femme-ness is going super downhill right now. I haven't put on a dress or heels in ages, my hair hasn't had anything done to it in months. I've even stopped putting on makeup and nail polish. I have no one to impress. My life is so blah at the moment.

    I would go against the lesbian tendency to ignore/ or act too busy to notice the crush, and acknowledge, maybe even smile sweetly at her in passing... I'm no expert. I've been out for less than a year, but I never know what to do when girls stare lustfully at me from afar and then turn the cold shoulder up close; so, that's usually as it gets. So, maybe it's a good plan of action if you want to keep her as a crush and nothing more, but not so good otherwise

  15. New Zealand successfully passed a Marriage Equality Bill earlier this year. When the parliamentary vote was read out, the gallery & floor burst into applause, followed by a spontaneous rendition of of a NZ love song. It was absolutely heart-warming - makes me cry every time I see it!!

    If you want to take a look:

  16. I'm a seminarian and we talked quite a bit about marriage in my queer theology class this semester. The Marriage Equality debate has made lots of people rethink (or just think) about what marriage is and why we should bother. One of the things I love that came up in class is the idea of marriage as vocation- like being clergy, or a doctor, or an environmentalist, or what have you. Not everyone should parent or get married anymore than everyone should rush out and take religious orders- it's only recently that women could become ministers, and is only even more recent that queer women could be ministers. You do not have to go be ordained just because it is a thing some denominations allow.

    Also- Our absurd idea that everyone should get married, that marriage is the most romantic of ideas, and that marriage should be the center of our lives and the thing meeting all our needs is a really recent idea, actually. Stephanie Coontz is my favorite person writing about this, I recommend her work!

    (And here's a random sidenote- in the medieval era it was apparently a thing to believe that all of the apostles were married to Jesus- that the wedding where he turns water into wine was HIS wedding, with all of the apostles as brides. At the same time. There are some truly amazing illustrations of this)

  17. you know what, i feel like this goes along with the criticisms a lot of queer people have towards the emphasis on gay marriage. i think it's great that queer people can get married. however, our exclusion from heterosexual conventions like marriage has definitely resulted in a different culture and a different way of thinking for a lot of queer people. i don't think it's realistic to expect all gay people to suddenly want to get married, because that has never been an option for us before and we've had to develop different ways of thinking about relationships and families. i haven't had anyone expect to me to suddenly become focused on marriage, probably because i live in a conservative southern state. but i do think i would be annoyed if people expected that, because to me it shows an ignorance of/inattention to the realties queer people have faced, and the culture and mindset many queer people have developed as a result of that.

  18. I feel EXACTLY the same way! But I'm pretty sure I'm a certifiable commitment-phobe XD

  19. Loved the post. <3

    I won't even pretend to know what I'd do if marriage equality was a thing here-I'm too young and inexperienced and marriage is a complicated concept. But it sure as hell ain't mandatory so think about it as much as you want.
    Besides, the idea that a person's goal in life should be marriage is archaic.

  20. What is this? How.. wha.. WHERE DID THE TOPLESS PICTURE OF PINK COME FROM?? I don't know how I feel about this, but my brain stopped for a second when it came up...

  21. Y'know, having a face full of pussy was only my 3rd life goal before, but now that you bring it up, it might get upgraded to 1. or 2. Maybe 2.

  22. In Spain we have gay marriage since 2005.People thought that all gays were going to flood the courts to get married but none of that happened.Only now we have the option,like everyone should.(Pardon my english´s mistakes,not my best language :)

  23. On marriage: Is great to have the right to marry, but not wanting to doesn't necessarily make you a commitent-phobe. Maybe you don't find it necessary, or didn't find the right person, or you don't believe in it. I actually don't want to marry, but hey, someday maybe I find a girl with whom I will be willing to, you never know. Anyway, it's something you should do without pressure (although it's difficult with parents and friends and stuff, duh) and give it a lot of thought, because it's a legal procedure, and it entails a lot, especially If you're planning to have children.

    Sorry If there's some mistakes, english is not my native language.

  24. If we queers decide we don't want to get married, it means we're proud to be different. And that we don't need the economic privilege legal marriage gives. And that's a damn good thing--because same-sex marriage is a really conservative thing, aimed at keeping society basically the same except now queers--well, only lesbians and gays--are allowed in. I expect more: I want a society that actually likes the differences between people and can deal with them.

  25. Gay marriage is a contentious debate among radical queers. Many activists and scholars find it conservative and assimilationist. One vocal group of scholars is Against Equality (http://www.againstequality.org/stuff/against-equality-queer-critiques-of-gay-marriage/) and this book explains the problems gay marriage creates and the existing problems it does not fix. Personally, I'd like to celebrate a queer culture that does not demand monogamy and all the other boring parts of straight culture that I thought I was rejecting when I came out as queer.

  26. I'm excited about the spread of gay marriage not because everyone should get married, but everyone should be able to get married if they so choose. I personally am excited to get married to my partner. That's how i'm choosing to live my life. I don't feel like i'm assimilating into hetero normative culture, I feel like I'm publicly committing myself to her. I like the idea of a happy family.

  27. I have the exact. same. fear.

  28. "Gay people can't get married, legally, and I'm gay, and I'm not interested in getting married if it's not legal" Made me laugh out loud! Exactly what my Massachusetts living ass used to say, until about 9 years ago. Now seven years married, my only advice is that you need to think about marriage. You just need to consider what it means, and what you want, so that if the subject is broached, you're not caught speechless, or worse, explaining that "I have to give this some thought" to your long time sweetie. Preparation is the key.

  29. I am happy to see you post. You are missed!

    Both of my marriages (20 years apart) were not recognized by any one but my peer group and my family. That's just the way it is here in the south. You work with what you've got. If your into marriage, do it, if not then that's okay too. Life is too short to be unhappy. That's the way this lady, so very firmly in her middle ages, sees it.

    More importantly, I offer you another way to acknowledge the crush. I like to think of it as your option D.

    D) you see her walking down the street, use the sly smile with eye contact. It is a more subtle, polite version of the smirk. And, hello, doesn't anybody use the wink? Yes, old school but still extremely effective. This is exactly the time to employ that move. It works. I pick up woman in the library with it all the time.

  30. @balaustine at it stands today, the federal government still does not recognize same-sex marriage. so at the very least, we wouldn't get the same benefits that same-sex couples get, no matter what state they live/were married in. we aren't able to claim "married" status on W4s for tax purposes nor do we get pre-tax health/welfare benefits for same-sex spouses. juss sayin'.

  31. I have thought these thoughts so many times.

  32. How absurd is this train of thought! By comparison I know plenty of STRAIGHT people who choose not to get married. I plenty of straight COUPLES with kids and counting on 25 years who choose not to get married. And they CAN, it doesn't mean you should or that you'd have to.
    Plus, I honestly dont see you as a wife. You are too free.

  33. I'm too lazy to read all the comments to see if anyone else pointed this out, but Iowa is in the midwest and was the first to legalize gay marriage. I don't have some allegiance or horse in the race, I'm from Oregon and Texas. But, that's a think, I guess.

    Also, marriage, yes... yawn. Kinda over it being THE queer fight of our generation. And I hope queermos don't figure that now their work is all done and done. I sure don't trust that the HRC and company are coming back to advocate for trans issues...hope others will.

  34. Regarding the crush, I think it's best to follow the wise phrase, "don't shit where you eat". Make a new friend, sure, but date, what if it doesn't turn out so great? Could get messy...

  35. That picture right after you ask if you should be worried about getting married, high-lighted in blue. That picture after with the beauty in the multi-colored tie!! She was the first woman I slept with! Fucking love her. And we were just talking about this the other day!!!!!!!! Irony!

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