Sunday, July 17, 2011

Nice to Meetcha

Hey there, seafood lovers!

What's new?

I just got back, late last night, from an extremely random trip to Fort Lauderdale

I had less than 24 hours notice before I got on the plane. did I not know that Fort Lauderdale is a gay haven?  

Why does no one tell me important secret gay location knowledge?

How is it possible that there could be a place in the United States  that's not the Castro or Boystown or Provincetown where businesses fly a gay pride flag right alongside the American flag and I not know about it?


Fort Lauderdale was fun as hell. 

I went on a sightseeing cruise down the river and gawked at all the billionaires' homes. 

I ate sushi naked at 2 a.m. while watching reruns of The Quacker Factory on QVC in my hotel room.

And I took early morning stand-up paddleboard lessons from a cute surfer named Ashley.  

I found her carrying a surfboard down the beach.

She had muscles and was as brown as a seal.
She looked like she'd been born in a bikini.

I'd been standing at the top of the beach, taking pictures for work and being jealous of the cool surfer girls splashing around in the water.
[thanks Allis]
It was time to go. 

As I packed my camera bag into the rental car trunk, Ashley walked up, surfboard in tow, to where I was standing in the parking lot.

She lifted her board over her head and started to heft it onto the roof of her Jeep. 

Her biceps popped.

It was now or never.

I made my awkward move.

Me:  (hovering)  That's a big surfboard.  Do you need help?

Ashley: (vigorously strapping the board to the top of her Jeep)  Naaaah. I'm used to haulin' this thing around.  It's for stand up paddle boarding.  A beginner's soft board. 

Me: Ohhh are you a beginner? 

Ashley:  Nope, I teach lessons.

Me:  (bambi eyes) You dooooo???

Eee hee hee. 

Ashley picked me up the next morning at the asscrack of dawn, surfboards piled on the top of the Jeep, her friend Tiffany in tow.

I was in a real surfer girl's car! 
With surf bumper stickers!  Headed for the waves! 

It was everything Blue Crush said it would be.

We unloaded.
Ashley told me to keep an eye out for dolphins and turtles during the lesson.

Tricks, it was so beautiful. 

Empty white beach. 

Just me and my aching shoulders, propelling myself across the clear turquoise water, the steady swish of the paddle and the sun glinting off droplets of water on the board.

One with the elements.

This was where I was meant to be!  This was what I should be doing with my life!  Fuck Chicago!  Fuck freshwater lakes with no waves! Let's move to the fucking coast and surf and be tan and eat fish tacos and be freeeeee!

As dawn streaked its rosy fingers across the sky, I saw a huge sea turtle drift beneath me. 

I shrieked with excitement and fell off.  

In the water, I suddenly realized Ashley never told me whether or not sea turtles bite small pink toes.

And then...I panicked.  

Thrashed around like a freaked-out tuna, trying to get back up onto the board.

Finally I scrambled back on and lay there, dripping and panting, with all appendages accounted for and Ashley and Tiffany doing a valiant job of not laughing.
The sea! 
So calming.


Don't you think it's about time for some Basic Lesbian Body Language???
[thanks Annaliese]
Me too.

It's summertime! 

We're hot!  
Everybody feels all languid and sexay, and we need gaydar.

Let's get our gaydar juices flowing!

And then put them over shaved ice!

Oooh that is nasty.
I'm not deleting it.

Let's pack a fundamental dyke-spotting tip-off into our pockets. 


Today we're talking about something a bit hard to define:

[thanks kameko]

Don't you scoff at me. 

Don't you roll your eyes.  

This is waaaaay more important for your overall gaydar toolkit than something small, like plaid or carabiners.

This is huge.

Confidence, sluts.

Queers are a confident people.

Oftentimes, when meeting a possible queermosexual for the first time, you'll notice something:

Extra-long eye contact, held for just a fraction of a second longer than normal.  
A handshake that lasts just a quuuuuarter of an instant longer than your average handshake.

A directness of speech.

An projected inner strength.
[thanks Madeleine Easton]

Think about it - cocky butches all over the place. 

Solidly calm business-woman dykes. 
Rowdy lesbians dancing.

Bossyass femmes. 

What is it?
What do they all share?

[by Christine Irvine]
They are comfortable with themselves.  
Which makes you comfortable with them.

Sometimes, when I'm meeting someone for the first time, I notice the  confidence they're projecting and go "hmmm."

Because so many gayelles are excessively confident, female strength always makes me check my gaydar.

Now, before you get yer panties in a twist: Obviously, not all strong women are dykes. 

Bitch please.  
We are not even playing this game.

Let's do a quick STANDARD DISCLAIMER: 

Not all women who seem confident/project confidence are lesbians.

Not all lesbians are confident, by any stretch. 

This does not apply to everybody. 

I am not saying that straight girls are not confident. 
I am not saying that at all. 

There are millions of confident straight women on this earth.  

I am merely stating that lots of dykes I meet are incredibly, mind-blowingly confident.

Like, politician-confident.
[Mona Anton]
*pant pant*

I knew this one was going to be hard to spell out.

But it's important for our getting-laid-skills to try, don't you think?
[thanks shayflower]
Spotting the queers by fashion alone can only get you so far.

You need body language.


The hard-to-define.
The ephemeral. 
[] ne sais quoi. 

Bear with me, mos.
Lesbians, while a quirky and nuanced people, are increasingly defying generalities. 

It's getting harder and harder to pin us down as a people.  

What makes us tick? 
What turns us on?  
What are we like, in general?  

Is there an 'in general' anymore?
[Madeleine Easton]
I say yes.  

In general, most lesbians I've met have projected quite a bit of confidence. 

A can-do (heh) attitude. 

I don't know about you, but confidence gets me every time.

Once, when I was working at the Blue Moon Coffee Cafe in Minneapolis, a baby dyke walked right up to me, smiled, and said:

"Hi.  My name's Casey.  I think you're beautiful.  I don't know if you like girls, but if you do, I'd love to go out with you sometime."

She slid a piece of paper with her number on it across the bar to me,  fucking winked, and sauntered out of the cafe.

Casey was 19 years old, and her confidence took my breath.
[L_S island]

This confidence thing is vast and sweeping, obviously.

There are plenty of lezzers
who slump, hunch over, mumble, give you limp fish handshakes, and won't look you in the eye.

But in general, as a people, I say we grow out of it.  

For the most part.
[Carrot, viaiforgottoworryandjusthadfun]

So...what's up with all the swagger?

I dunno...

but maybe comes from having to deal with being a gayelle on a daily basis.  
[nik from]

If you can handle being gay - if you can tell your family and live through it, if you can deal with the daily jokes, curious questions, comments, and general onslaughtery of unlooked-for reactions from people at home, at work, and at school about who you are and who you love on a daily get strong.


You have to get comfortable with yourself quickly, 'cause no one else is throwin' out the welcome mat.

Magazines don't think you exist.

TV and movies would rather pretend you aren't here.  
Unless you're nonthreatening, like Ellen, or unless lesbian sexuality is good for ratings, like that incredibly painful Britney-Madonna kiss.

The U.S. government, except for a handful of gorgeous states, thinks you should shut the fuck up and be grateful they're thinking about domestic partnerships at all.
[fuck you, Mitt Romney]
And that's just on a basic level.  

Let's hope your friends and family are cool.

I think that's where this particular type of confidence comes from.
[Asia from]
You're queer.

It's ok.

You go about your day.
Do you faggettes know what I'm talking about, here? 

Am I crazy?  

Do you think dykes project a certain kind of confidence, or am I just seeing things?


  1. You're not seein' things! Speaking as a newbie, I can say I LOOK for that confidence (and, often, the accompanying swagger that says "I ain't walkin' to impress no man, growl" ) and it's like a breath of fresh air.

  2. My wife and I were just talking about how one of our friends is hot not because she's particularly gorgeous--but because she's so totally in charge in any situation. Hawt. Glad to know you see it, too.

  3. Definitely not seeing things; any mo I've ever met (nearly) has always had this swagger about them when you meet. It's like "I'm gettin more pussy than a frat boy and train on the same equipment as you. Nice to meet you". Even if they're not, it's the /attitude/ of being knee deep in lesbian pussy that gets me every time. Mmm

  4. Oh yeah, confidence combined with the dyke smirk will have me dropping my panties immediately!

  5. So Krista, did you end up calling up Casey the baby dyke?

    1. How else would she know how old she was? ;)

  6. I absolutely agree. I read in a poem once, "She walks like a free country with an affinity for thick skin," and I realized that's exactly the kind of women I like.

  7. I've been told I'm extremely cocky and my ego is indeed, quite large, and that I'm everybody's optimist. So I'm pretty damn sure this is true. I know being this way had something to do with how I have a thing for douche bags, so being mistreated badly by my exes made me toughen up really. fucking. fast.

  8. Oh no, it's completely true. Nothin' crazy 'bout saying it! I'd say I've actually become more confident since I came out a couple years back, and I've always been a pretty bold person. And all the lesbians I know, same thing. We're a stand-up bunch, says I!

  9. Krista, of course dykes are a generally confident people. i think a lot of my confidence comes from knowing, somewhere deep down, that i'm more likely to win over, and take home, that cute "straight" girl in the room than any of the guys around.
    now this may sound incredibly cocky, and it is.
    and that's part of the reason why it works. girls are attracted to confidence and i go in with more of it than anyone. i also know that i'll be able to charm the hell out of her and that she'll feel comfortable and safe with me.
    i'll understand her in some basic way that no guy has ever understood her before.
    she'll be flattered that a real live lesbian thinks she's hot.
    she'll think it's kinda dirty.
    she'll come home with me.

    how could we NOT be extra confident?

    oh yeah, and like living day to day, surviving coming out, etc, that helps too.

  10. It comes from growing enough inner strength to say
    "FUCKIT, the world is wrong about me, about what it means to be queer, about what love or what a committed relationship or what a family looks like".
    That steady warm face to face confidence comes from paying enough Queer dues to say "FUCKIT, your wrong!" to family members who feel and treat you as not quite fully human, To the ignorant people who say "I respect and like you whether you're black white purple or Gay" (isn' t that the stupidest thing you have ever heard?....and yes I have heard that more than once.
    It is an attitude that says "I know who who I am I am happy with it". "Life is good and you don't stand a chance to successfully talk shit or treat me as less than". "Don't you wish you had it this great". I do find that sexy

  11. oh are so completely right, and reading this post made me feel proud of us :)

  12. This is true with women more than men, too, perhaps because we are inwardly rebelling against society telling us to sit down, do as we are told, be quiet and let the men take care of it. Even in the subtle ways in places that are "liberal" but not progressive, progressive but not feminist. Put a bunch of queers together, and there is no "the men carry the heavy shit, the women want everything clean" bullshit. Man, it's the men that are clean as fuck and the butches and queer ladies that love to show off how strong they are by hauling that table through the door on their own. Confidence comes through a lot with the fem-mos, sometimes to the point of aggression, something just to say I can.

    Then again, my first girlfriend was the meekest little thing. She was very, very queer, but acted more like a girl you would see in an anime show than a typical American queer chick. But like you said, generalities.

  13. Minor mistake: Fort Lauderdale... is by the Ocean, not the Sea.

    As for confidence... Correct as fuck.
    They even chew their gum cockily, mouth open, but not obnoxious, slight smirk.

    They make me crazy, these ladies you speak of.

    I'm not quite there yet, probably because I'm not out and therefore don't have that GOTTABEPROUDANDSTRONGYUP aura... but, hey, fake it till you make it, right?

    P.S. @ANON July 17, 2011 1:01 PM... I think she did call her... how else would she know her age? ;)

  14. Off topic: I'm also going to have a lesbian-tastic summer (P-town, then Montreal)! Whee!

    Confidence makes my knees weak - but I'm a undergraduate and it's really only recently that the poor little dykes I know realize "HEY BEING GAY IS AWESOME AND I AM AWESOME". Sort of a thrilling thing to watch!

  15. I don't think you're imagining things at all. I'm still a newb, so I'm still building that confidence, but that is usually the first thing that I notice about fellow gays when I meet them, the confidence. The swagger. The smirk. And I'll just say, there is NOTHING hotter on this fucking planet than a dyke who owns the room she walks into. Yummy.

  16. Haha! I never put these things together - but people say it all the time - "wow, you're so confident" "you're so tough" "it's like nothing phases you" well, yah!

    If I could live through the sharpies on my high school locker, the constant taunting, my mother's strange questions and routinely correcting the gender of my ex's, I can sure as hell live through whatever little bump you got for me!

  17. I kinda noticed this too. I (sadly) don't see a lot of queer ladies roaming the streets of my town, BUT one of my best friends, who is a gay lady, is extremely confident.
    And just the couple I've met in my town act really confident.

    Sadly, I'm not an example of this :C
    YOU WERE IN FORT LAUDERDALE? I'm sortakindacloseinthesamestate and no one told me it was freaking queer central over there.
    It's time to make a road trip.

  18. hellz yeah, confidence always ALWAYS gets me. I'm glad i now have something to back up my "insane ideas" :)

  19. I'm not in an are where I know all that many gay girls, but I can definitely see the confidence thing in most of the ones I know. It's one of the first things that sets my gaydar off when I meet new people.

  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

  21. VERY true. In fact I strive on the fact that some people find me intimidating.

  22. I agree, i think it is a "Im comfortable with myself so get used to me and my lesbianism!!" kind of swagger. I also think that absolutely nothing is more attractive than confidence and a strong sense of self!

  23. Swagger has long been my NUMBER ONE indicator that a woman is a dyke.

  24. Whoaaaaa I made the photo cut.

    Cool. Now the world can look down my shirt.

  25. I dunno, I think you just notice the people who are "out and proud" and thus have more confidence.

  26. I think confidence is totally an indicator! I think that the very nature of being "out of the ordinary" or "different from the norm" makes us tough, with our chins up and backs straight.

    I myself could feel it happening, the strengthening...I came out just in the last week to my family. Of course, they took it horribly and told me a lot of horrible things. But as they was saying it I felt like I got more defiant. And since I'm from a conservative, small town, I don't have anyone to talk to about all this stuff, so I'm kind of navigating it all on my own. I know I'm one of very, very many LGBQT people dealing with this stuff, and I think that our strength is what makes us survive the gauntlets we have to walk daily.

    P.s., any advice on dealing with this stuff? I just feel so alone through it all and feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, and my family makes it seems like I just like ladies to hurt them, and I just...idk...I guess I could use some encouragement, too.

  27. To the previous comment: I found this blob very helpful when I came out last year. Those girls answer some very important questions and they're funny. I think it could be helpful to see that lots of others are going through the same bullshit.

  28. As a baby dyke myself... I totally did the same thing as Casey lol. Went up to a girl (at her place of work) said 'this is for you, in case you want to get coffee sometime' and handed her my number. Turns out she had a gf, but she did text me back in a way that told me she really had to think about it. :)

    And the confidence thing, totally true. I was only bicurious when my now ex gf initially came up to me and flat out asked if she could kiss me. The rest was history.

  29. I am so much more confident since I came out!!

  30. I never thought about myself as confident before, but I met a girl last night who called me a "dominant femme" within minutes of meeting me. She explained that I was amazingly confident for someone so girly. Apparently this (a) made it clear that I was gay and(b)makes me hot. If my confidence really passes all that on to a girl within two minutes of meeting her, I am so glad I've got it!

  31. To E:
    Check out the It Gets Better Project, if you haven't already heard of it (though I'm sure you have, as you're already in the dyke blogosphere)

    Also listen to Dan Savage's Savage Lovecast.

    Check out the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network ,

    Direct your parents to Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, . PFLAG has a lot of resources for parents who are confused/sad/angry about their kid's sexuality, and there might even be a meeting near you! Good luck!

  32. We are def more confident! I think it's because we have to put ourselves out there to find dates over and over again. If you did't have confidence when you first started asking women out (or coming out) you have to "fake it till you make it!"

  33. Ft. Lauderdale IS awesome isn't it? I wish I would've known you were here and I could given you a few places to see. Did you make it to Wilton Manors? That is our Castro. It's basically one street with all gay businesses; bars, restaurants, clothes, etc.

  34. Oh yes, confident women are fabulous, and I'm glad I finally got there myself! :-D

  35. I was just thinking today about the word self-possessed, knowing within yourself who the fuck you are, that is confidence. yep yep yep.

  36. I think dykes swagger. That is what I look for, try to project, and get super fucking turned on by.

  37. Holy fucking shit Krista, my friend and I were just talking about this. We were trying to figure out if this girl we know is gay, but all we had to go on was the eye contact thing and the handshake thing. And CONFIDENCE!!!

  38. these posts are interesting, i am a male, i never was interested in the hotness the female body by standards set today. I always felt attracted to girls that had confidence. Not just confidence, the ability where u can pull of any stunt for fun or to excel in life and not give a fuck about what others think. The perspective that you are in you own world and that others are either in it or out of it

  39. I'm not what most people would call confident- I tend to be pretty shy- but I have definitely come out of my shell since coming out of the closet!

    I think I'm also a lot more confident in my body. I'm not very body-shy at all, and I guess that's a good place to start.

  40. I used to be pretty shy and self-conscious, then I woke one day and realized that we lesbians are, quite frankly, pretty fuckin' awesome. I haven't had confidence issues since.

  41. I'm not confident, but I pretend to be in front of other people.

  42. I totally Get that. Its an attitude and an air we give off. I pride myself now in the confidence I have gained figuring out my dykehood. HAH. And have now realized from peoples observations that I give off confidence and its hot. But the only bad part is sometimes it can be intimidating. But I try and not get on the cocky side. If all that ramble makes sense. PS I LOVE YOUR BLOG

  43. liked this post a lot. Just recently started coming out and apart from wishing I had more confidence, also sort of made "becoming a surfer girl" one of my life goals :D

  44. As a breeder, I think that a big lot of the confidence lesbians have is because they're not in competition against other women for the attention/affection of men. They love women! Straight girls [who are not confident] work diligently to make other girls look bad, to get attention from guys, and commonly see other women as The Enemy. I am still working on my own confidence, unfortunately, and half the battle is realizing you're not in competition WITH other people FOR other people. It's icky. I am totally down for one day being as confident as the wonderful lesbians in my life :)

  45. This is spot on. Dealing with homophobia has toughened me up a little, and people tell me that I come off as super confident, sure of myself, etc, and ask for how I got here. And I don't know. Lots of painful rejection + me realizing that I didn't need to please other people, just be happy with myself, I guess? :(

  46. Haha, one day I hope you make a "How gay are you?" or "Can others tell you're a mo?" quiz. I want to take it.

    Also, it's brilliant what Anonymous said: ...more likely to win over, and take home, that cute "straight" girl in the room than any of the guys around. now this may sound incredibly cocky, and it is. and that's part of the reason why it works.

  47. My girlfriend and I are ALWAYS telling each other "You have swagger." Obviously she does--she's a hot boi who rocks the menswear and smiles coyly and opens my door, whereas I'm fairly feminine in my dresses and such. But when I luaghed, "haha, I HAVE SWAGGER? What are you talking about?" she replied, "You know you're good at sex. And you are. And I think people can tell. It's not the way you dress, it's just your I-don't-give-a-fuck confidence."

    So, apparently swagger is knowing you're good at sex and that just showing to everyone around you.

  48. Absolutely we're confident. It comes from knowing yourself, facing down your own demons, and a fair share of the world's, too. Rock on.

  49. completely agree. I did a "guess my sexuality" panel at my college last year for kicks, since as a femme-y dyke, I hardly ever register on anybody's radar. thirty-ish people guessed I was straight, twelve or so suspected bisexual, and ONE girl voted gay. when asked why, she said that I "exuded confidence", which tipped her off. so yes, confidence is key.

  50. I've always said, the best gaydar is just a certain look...I guess confidence is what I've been talking about.

  51. I want this dyke confidence!
    How the f do I get there?
    I'm too scared to come out the closet. :(

  52. Oh, God, I have a feeling this may be why I don't get laid quite as much as I'd like...Although at least reassuring that I'm not just mysteriously repulsive to lesbians (!), now I'm going to have to procure some swag out of the ether.

    ...That and buy a plaid steps.

  53. oh yeah. the i-dont-give-a-fuck attitude has made so many lovely ladies give me a second lick... i mean look ;0*


  54. I loved this article!

    If one is the the kind of person who is comfortable with themselves, that translates into confidence.
    Whatever the back story.
    So get comfortable, mos!

    The picture of the girl with the pug was an interesting choice for the context. Maybe her confidence comes from having a bad ass dog too :-)

  55. Reading this made me feel more confident :) yeah, we are awesome!!!

  56. Confidence is attractive to women. Hence, dykes are confident (or, we strive to become so.)

  57. Yes, I think that as lesbians we've had to become comfortable with ourselves in a way that straight people don't have to and when you are comfortable with yourself, you've come to terms with who you are and you are happy with that, you are confident. Also, we know that we don't have to play by the heteronormative rules.

  58. this is so right, ive been thinking it for months. even your reasoning as to why is perfect. i am so so so so so so much more withdrawn and anxious than any lesbian ive ever met. i think im a riot-causing ladysas gayola stuck behind anxeity disorder. if only the medication would help >:( im working on it though.

  59. Most girls are taught growing up that they are supposed to be humble, quiet, soft, self-effacing, and to generally not show-up a guy. Particularly if they were brought up with religion. We were expected to sit, talk, act, dress and hold ourselves differently than boys.

    So when a woman is no longer motivated to please men, she starts to break out of that mold. Then you see the beauty of a woman who stands tall and who can look you in the eye instead of looking at the floor. You can see her power when she moves, especially how her arms swing when she walks. She can walk into a room and own it, and leave a wake of straight girls wondering what they're missing out on.

    It's a beautiful thing.

    @ E said, check out

  60. this gorgeous woman i know sings in a band and when she gets up on stage and sings her heart out she owns the room and EVERYONE can see her strength and confidence. Guys and girls... But she gets up there badass as anything half naked so all her sexy music tatts show and she shakes her stuff and sings and burns me up with all of that firey confidence and for daring to defy and get up on a stage full of men. And she gets waaaay hotter chicas than the boys in her band do! ;0p

  61. @ E, I'm thinking about you and hoping you are okay:

    My family was horrible too when I came out 18 years ago. It DID get better. It was painful and still is sometimes; but after years of dealing with it I think the thing that has worked best in trying to keep having relationships with them is to make sure I said.
    "this is not a rejection of you".
    "this is not anybody's fault"
    "this is not about you"
    "this does not mean I don't love and want a relationship with you"

    Also, be comfortable with yourself and non apologetic.

    Remember your family's reaction to this is not because you are not awesome beautiful, lovable and acceptable. it is because humans have been teaching their children to hate gay people for millennia.

    Preserve yourself. If you feel like a situation is harming your soul, find a way to change it or leave it. You can say and do all these things with some distance between you and over a long period of time.

    The right support group can actually help.

    THIS life is a beautiful life. GO for it.

  62. We have to be more confident. Smaller dating pool, societal marginalization...all the obvious reasons life is harder and we have to be tougher than our hetero counterparts. Plus, let's face it, we're gay. Fabulous is a natural trait. You are 100 million% right!

  63. Lesbians definitely project a unique kind of confidence. For me, that is what draws me to them... Mmmm.
    It seems that it is overcoming a rough journey that leads to a strength and confidence like that.

  64. (technical comment...)
    Krista, may I ask that you put some sort of contact form on the blog, for those of us who would like to reach you anonymously, but in private? Thx!

  65. I'm currently working at a hospital as a medical student in the Inland Empire of CA...a homo wasteland. I was down in the ER a week ago when I made excessively long eye contact with a SMOKIN' student. She smirked, I smirked, and now I can't stop thinking about her. I walk around the ER in my spare time hoping to see her again. If I do, you can bet your panties I'll give her my number.

  66. I wonder if it has to do with the sexism in the culture as well? Females are subtly trained to defer to males, but lesbians are defying those roles so they project more confidence? Or even just care less what dudes think all the time, you know?

  67. You nailed it, sister.

  68. Very true. Gay girls have this I don't give a fuck kind of air around them and this really chill attitude, at least that's what I see around my friends. I notice that I kind of notice that sometimes I have that gay confidence too but I'm also shy too.

  69. hehe. I'm a bossy ass femme and I've recently encountered an even bossier ass femme and I think I'm in love. <3 More confidence than me? Damn girl *puts a ring on it*

  70. oh yes, we got it all going on <3

  71. I got bored reading to see if anyone else mentioned this... but that picture with the squishy little baby WAS SO FUCKING ADORABLE. Love it.

  72. I've always been really confident, or at least give that off. One of my guy friends just told me that I gave off the gay vibe way before I 'came out.' Now that I'm unsure about my sexuality, apparently I appear more vulnerable and he says I come off as more straight. Go figure.

  73. hehe loved your blog, amazing! very funny, sweet and straight to the point. My radar really doesn't turn on, so i flirt with every girl in a nice way so that i don't get slapped right across the face. It's always fun, some pick up and others don't but in the end i just love a great nice chat =D Confidence is always key!

  74. Krista (the less confident one)July 27, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    I have found that a high level of confidence turns me off a lot. I'm not even talking about cockiness. Probably because I can relate more to less confident people because I lack confidence myself. I definitely see what you're saying about many lesbians being very confident. A trait I'm jealous of. I prefer the few not as confident queermos who I have encountered. In the olden days, the word "lesbian" referred less to a sexuality and more to a strong, confident, self-sufficient, independent woman (unfortunately, not in a positive way).

  75. Love your writing style... Always looking forward to your next post and my next good laugh. Thanks!


  76. This is amazing (':
    I thought about this confidence thing a while ago, with the same argument for confidence: gays go throu a lot of social trouble and survive with swag.
    But I thought it was only me being fool and threw the idea away lol
    I'm glad I was right (':

  77. "Politician confident"

    As someone who has been a politician, albiet epically badly, and has spent the last couple years trying to settle into being the neurotic, triggery, tryke I always was but never thought I could be, let me tell you that politicians are fucking petrified... we are the most fucking frightened people on the planet just waiting for the world to confirm what we were taught when young, namely: We're ugly and nobody likes us.


    Okay, it's not quite that terrible, but we are a skittish lot... ^^

  78. World makes sense now. I'm glad to see different lesbians and even a man comment on this blog. Makes me smile. I also think that's why lesbians are able make such good friends with men. There's a mutual respect and confidence that's unspoken but known to each other. Keep break boundaries my friends.

  79. I was away from my computer for 7 days...and imagine my distress and sadness when there was no new effing dykes post for me!!!

  80. I am definitely not a confident lesbian. I have a crush on a girl friend of mine, she's had a crush on me for years, and I just have no clue how to approach her. At all. I'm always offering affection and sexing, but I just learned she's a girl-virgin, which explains her sort of nervous awkward reaction to me.

    Whenever trying to flirt with a girl, I feel like such a gross guy. I'm SO used to flirting with guys and getting what I want, because it's as easy as exploiting physical attraction towards me. Doesn't work on chicks though, and it leaves me with NO tools.

    I ... seem to have gone off topic a bit lol I think my point is in there somewhere...

  81. You know, let me tell you the first thing I noticed couple years back is that "I dont give two shits about" attitude. Dykes have evolved so much that going on a certain look or any other generalisation will leave you high and dry.

    We go through enough with all the BS out there, so we end up not feeling the need to hide any longer. Swagger on I say it is hawt! :)

  82. You're not seeing things, Krista - and if you are, then there's a lot of us seeing the same. The people who are out and proud are the ones you notice most easily, and they wouldn't be out nor proud if it wasn't for their confidence. ;D
    Personal story time! I'm 20 now, and although I've been out to myself for about 4-5 years, it's when I really started getting interested in dating girls that I found my confidence growing through my actions (battling social anxiety is... fun). The reason for that is because without confidence, I'd probably stay single forever (especially considering how shitty things are for homosexuals in my country). Even the friends who understand and (albeit passively) support me can't help, because none of them is willing to "hold my hand" metaphorically while I'm working on myself and/or trying to get a date. They probably don't understand the fear I have to go through before talking to a girl like that, either, because they don't want to understand that one can get beaten up or worse if the wrong people find out about one's homosexuality.
    So I need to tackle the fears and get stronger by myself, and that's fine, because I can't use anybody as a social crutch. I actually want to become the one her friends can turn to when they've got a problem to battle... and I'm waltzing up the right path.
    Holy shit, my lesbian powers are awakening! :D

  83. Woah! My name is Casey, and I'm 19. But that wasn't me.

    I do have that confidence, though. I call it swagger. Like a pirate.

  84. Definitely true; this was one of the very first things I noticed when developing my gaydar, actually. There's a certain kind of confidence that comes from being comfortably queer, and feeling that vibe is a tell-tale sign of gayness in my experience.

  85. I went to the Blue Moon Cafe once. There was a cute girl with dreads working but at the time I didn't have the lady-balls to say anything. Sometimes I drive by and wonder if she still works there.

  86. Hey. Is there a way to subscribe to this so that I can just get an e-mail when a new post comes out? I check here all the time and wish there were updates more often. Hmm. If anyone knows how to do that, I would love to know--thannnnks!

  87. Don't forget about Northampton, MA! it's the most lesbian place in the whole world, I swear it.
    and yeah, dykes are crazy confident. you're not just seeing things.

  88. In Swedish Cosmopolitan there have at least two times being written about lesbian sex. So maybe the magazines are on their way to notice us?

  89. You know, I used to be far more awkward then I am now, and I'm now in the awkward teenage years. But as I have gotten older, I have gotten increasingly comfortable in my own skin. I notice that more and more, I look people in the eye, wittily entertain people, smile, laugh, and don''t look at my feet. Sometimes, when I am in my condfident zone, people think I'm in colleges, which is four or more years away, and I'm not very tall. I'm glad that I'm slowly becoming myself more and more, it makes me feel happy.

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