Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Forever Back To School

Hiya, nellies!


Had a rough week, have you? 
I know I have.
[via hellogirls]
You see what I mean about anal sex being a controversial topic amongst lezzers?  


Geez.  


All you have to do is say "bumfuck" and a horde of furious lesbians will email you to tell you how disgusting that is and how you can die from playing with the bacteria down there didyouknowthat??? and how offended they are that you even wrote about anal sex and then another set of lesbians send you letters that wax poetic about the pleasures of the derrière and urge you to open yourself to the mystical vibrations of the ass.


I wasn't hatin' on anal sex.  I just don't like it, and I wanted to know where other lesbians stand on the issue, 'cause I'd never dated anybody who was really into it.


But does it really matter?  'Cause...


OMFG it's time for a

POP GAYDAR QUIZ!!!!


Let's play Who's the Gay?


Scenario #1: Ada, age 34. 
[via hellogirls]
Ada's a nurse. She has shoulder-length blonde hair. While on the job, she wears blue scrubs and clogs like the rest of the nursing population, but you see Ada on her days off because you work at the bar near her house. 

Ada wears: a snowboarding jacket, skinny jeans, Puma sneakers, a men's ribbed tank top under a plaid flannel shirt, and a very ugly winter hat with "cute" bear ears on it. She always orders a beer and sits at the bar. Sometimes her friends come in.

You get weak in the knees when she signals for another round. 

Using only what we see here, should we ask Ada out?
-----------------------------
Scenario #2: Gina, age 22. 


[via theyearwas91]
Gina works at the snotty coffee shop in town, the one that acts like the Baby Jesus hand-roasted each individual fair-trade, shade-grown bean by touching them with His finger before brewing it in holy water at the perfect temperature.  


Gina has: short brown hair, a few tattoos, and wears skinny jeans, ribbed men's tank tops (the kind that come in a 6-pack), a ruffly plaid shirt, one of those saggy knitted sock hats, and more eyeliner than Cleopatra. She rolls her eyes a lot, giggles, and has been seen swatting female coworkers' rear ends on more than one occasion.


Omigod, here she comes! 


Using only what we see here, should we ask Gina out?
-----------------------------
Scenario #3: Salima, age 28.


[via fuckyeahdangerouscurves]
Salima works in the university's theater department, where she does set design. 


Salima has: long black hair, no visible tattoos or piercings, and a lot of gold rings. She seems to be one of those people with a sort of daily uniform - she's constantly wearing skinny black jeans or leggings (often paint-spattered), paint-splotched men's ribbed tank tops (usually ripped), and some kind of dark plaid flannel shirt, also with paint drippings, open over the top.  Salima's a vegan, interrupts everyone, and has been known to listen to Enya while sawing wood for backdrops. 

Salima is amazingly hot, and you always see her around.  



Using only what we see here, should we ask Salima out?
-----------------------------
Time's up! 


Hand your papers forward.  
I sincerely hope you all did well, as this counts as 100% of this week's grade.


ANSWERS 


Scenario #1: Ada.


March right up to Ada and ask. her. out.  
Do it now, before anyone else notices how cute she is.

Ada is likely gay, and here's why:

1)  Do you tricks have any idea how many dykes work in healthcare?

2)  Ignore everything else, look at that plaid flannel shirt!

Might as well be wearing a shirt that says "I like to fingerbang."
[ciarra and max]
And that's our gaydar focus today, sluts.

The plaid shirt.

Forget every other detail you see on a girl, if there's plaid happening, it's time to take a second look.
--------------------------------------------------


Scenario #2: Gina

Christ almighty.  We would NOT ask Gina out, we would never ask Gina out, never in a million years.  



Gina is giving off teh straight in waves, and here's a couple of reasons why: 


1)  She's swatting her female coworkers on the ass. 
Were Gina actually gay, she would likely avoid doing funny shit like that in her workplace, even if she was comfortable with her sexuality, because that can get read wrong, even by friends.


2) that plaid shirt is ruffled.
More on this later.
---------------------------------------------------
Scenario #3: Salima.



*Trick question!* 
We would NOT ask Salima out.  
Not yet.  


Salima is...someone who needs more gaydar evidence-gathering.

She is a vegan who builds shit in a college theater department, and she is wearing a plaid men's shirt, but that's her work uniform. 


Salima's plaid shirt is her ok-to-get-stains-on-it shirt.  
It makes all the difference. 


We must reserve judgement.
[via skylarxx]
But heywaitnofair! 
All three women were wearing a plaid shirt! 


Deep breaths, homos. 
Let's talk plaid.


Lesbians have always loved plaid.  
[via Butch-Femme Couples by Kristin Kurzawa]

When the first lesbian opened her eyes on the first morning of the dawn of the world, she put on a plaid shirt and walked to the first co-op, where the cute cashier promptly hit on her. They were fruitful and multiplied, and that's where baby dykes come from.

[via liquorinthefront]
Dykes have been into plaid since the beginning.  


We, as a people, are irresistibly drawn to plaid.  We can't help it.  It's in our genetic makeup.
[via girlswholikegirls]
People joke about lesbians and their plaid shirts, and it's the damn truth.


Workshirts, farm shirts, sensible cotton buttondowns, cute little hoodies - plaid fits the bill for everything dykes like.
[via silentclamour]
I can hear you saying "bah" from here.


What's that?  Everyone wears plaid because plaid's in right now? 


You're right.  Everyone does wear plaid. 
Every year, riiiight around September, designers do "warm tones" in their fashion shows, which, in turn, always, always involve models stomping down the runways wearing plaid.  


The world loves plaid in the fall.  
It makes us instantly want to buy new packs of pens and fresh notebooks.
But! The straights and the gays wear plaid in different ways.


Lucky, Vogue, Cosmo, and Elle tell straight women to "feminize" plaid, and then showcase lots of "girly" shirts.  
You know: Ooh, a masculine plaid tunic with a row of delicate lace. 


Ohhhh, a plaid buttondown with ruffles.  Aren't we borrowing from the boys now.

Eventually the plaid trend trickles down to Target and falls apart in the first wash.



Now, gay girls wear plaid like they've always worn plaid: 
no frilly shit. 


Real-ass plaid shirts, and usually flannel to boot. 
Open or closed.  


Femmes wear them when they're butching it up a little. 
[via viceslikevipers]
Butches and bois wear plaid shirts when they're being ironic, working outside, or really just are gay as fuck.
[via nutellabella]
Studs only wear brand-name plaid.
[thanks S.M.]
Sporty dykes wear plaid if it's happening on a Burton snowboard jacket.
We all wear plaid! And - unfortunately for our 2011 resolutions for more sex - plaid is trendy right now.


So how do we tell the difference between hipster girls and girls that might go down on us?
(by ezgi.polat)
Hmms.


Well, straight-girl plaid has: ruffles, lace, weird dangly parts, any kind of back-tie that "nips in the waist", a lot of pink, and/or is usually worn in conjuction with other I-swear-to-god-I-have-ladybits accessories, like long necklaces/hairbows/cute shit. 

Do you know why that is?  Why straight girls accessorize the hell out of plaid when they wear it?



Because deep down in their souls, they know: 
Plaid is strong. 
Plaid is tough.  
Plaid is...a lil' dyke-y.


Gay girl plaid: looks like it came from either your dad's closet or Fleet Farm.  
Period.
[via court]
In conclusion:
I am not saying that any girl wearing a non-frilly plaid shirt is a lesbian.  


Fuckno. The world's population would die off in one generation if that were the case, judging from the windows at Urban Outfitters.


But plaid has always figured heavily into gay women's wardrobes, and if you see a cute-ass woman sauntering down the street in her grandpa's old plaid, it's worth closer inspection.


Don't you think?
[via titsandtattoos]
How did you do on the quiz?

102 comments:

  1. It's starting to freak me out how many of your gaydar quizzes point me to the only honestly straight girl I know...

    ReplyDelete
  2. my wardrobe mainly consists of plaid, flannel, and sensible button downs, so it's no surprise that i passed 100%.

    i even have plaids that i correspond with certain holidays. (christmas plaid, easter plaid...)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wear a pink plaid flannel shirt that gathers at the waist and has ruffles down the front.

    And I am gay as fuck.

    I did pretty good on the quiz, too, except for the trick question!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have femme and butch plaids.
    I have plaid from my old man, my first boyfriend, my girlfriends.
    I have plaid panties, and plaid miniskirts and plaid skinny jeans.
    I have plaid hoodies and jackets and scarves too.

    I wear 'em all together. ;D

    ReplyDelete
  5. I wouldn't wait to ask out the techie. Further research bedamned, I'm takin' my chances.

    I wear no plaid. No one mentioned this in the handbook. sniffle

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am reading this wearing plaid flannel boxers under my sweats and a plaid flannel shirt over my tee...

    ReplyDelete
  7. LOVE IT! My plaid is thrift store plaid. I prefer shades of blue. I am a twenty footer. Pseudo-butch but, a twenty footer all the same. And, yeah, no ruffles... ever.

    I love your work...all of it. Keep doing your thing, darlin'. You do it so well.

    ReplyDelete
  8. oh..and I scored 100%. I hope I can do that on my next exam at school.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hm once again, due to my age, every girl I know wears plaid of some sort. 19 year old lesbians don't do any of these fashion-specific-to-lesbians thingys, we really don't. The only sure fire thing to do is to ask them flat out or if they are wearing men's clothing and sports bras.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm starting to think it really is genetic for some people. My Japanese girlfriend, who has no idea about American lesbian stereotypes and who claims to be ~completely straight~ other than me (despite never having slept with any of her past boyfriends or even kissed them more than a couple times and then trying to get into my pants almost immediately) is constantly wearing plaid when she's not wearing athletic wear (SHE'S A BASKETBALL PLAYER TOO. AND SHE CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHY PEOPLE ARE NEVER SURPRISED ABOUT US).

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have a plaid dress with metal studs that fits me like a gloooove. It's my femme dykey dress! Sadly, I own no plaid otherwise. But I AM gay as fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Gina works at the snotty coffee shop in town, the one that acts like the Baby Jesus hand-roasted each individual fair-trade, shade-grown bean by touching them with His finger before brewing it in holy water at the perfect temperature"

    and

    "When the first lesbian opened her eyes on the first morning of the dawn of the world, she put on a plaid shirt and walked to the first co-op, where the cute cashier promptly hit on her. They were fruitful and multiplied, and that's where baby dykes come from."

    LOL'ed at these. You are hilarious.

    It's unfortunate that you get hated on from both camps when writing about stuff like anal sex. Ppl should chill. At least somebody is writing about it and we can talk about it, right?

    ReplyDelete
  13. It's so funny you made this a back-to-school edition...
    Today (and yesterday) were the first days of school at my University, which means... Check out the dykes in your new classes day! And since I'm taking mostly Queer Theory/LGBTQ classes, I expect to see a lot of dykes. I totally wore my new Christmas plaid, just to look extra gay, and I think every other dyke wore plaid today just to let everyone know who's gay and who's just in the class for a sorority requirement. It was like an obvious, on-purpose signifier. And the awesome thing is that girls who I didn't assume were gay at first were ALSO wearing plaid, almost like a coming-out.

    another necessary article of clothing for dykes: The Thermal Shirt.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I totally agree on the no-femmy-shit on my plaid shirts. I know that little metal decorations, cute buttons, and effing ruffles send out the wrong message, and those shirts (I'm lookin at YOU, Urban Outfitters!) are not worthy of a classic dyke look.
    I'm also going to complain that men's shirts are warmer, more durable, and overall better quality than most women's shirts. dykes have known all along how to be practical in winter: thermals and your dad's plaid shirt. straight girls, sorry, you're being duped.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I bought plaid Doc Martens and they are my fave things.

    ReplyDelete
  16. this test was WAY TOO EASY! except for the trick question.

    ReplyDelete
  17. *strokes new blue plaid flannel shirt lovingly*

    Oh hey. The only reason I didn't do well on the test is because I missed the part about the ruffles on #2. How I hate it when I'm at the store and I catch sight of a promising plaid shirt, and then I take it off the rack, and...there are ruffles on the front. Sigh. And then I traipse over to the young men's section and everything is okay again. :D

    ReplyDelete
  18. Plaid is so dykey that it doubles back, gets ironic, and makes me feel like a bad queer for wearing it for looking like such a stereotype. But fuck it, it's warm and goes with everything.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hey, that's me in the overalls with my cat.

    I was not sexually awakened in high school, but I would always wear plaid every day to school. That was before plaid was trendy and it was really hard to find plaid flannel shirts, but I would scour the earth for some. I especially liked the western yolk shirt.

    When I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, I thought, "Oh my god, everyone knew before me because of all that plaid I always wore."

    Now that it is trendy, I am stocking up on all the plaid I can find. I want to have enough in case it goes out of style soon, or the rapture comes. Which ever happens first.

    I feel so legit now that my picture showed up on Effing Dykes. I even woke my girlfriend up to tell her.

    ReplyDelete
  20. bah! so true. before i came out to the world (or even myself, after all I just fell in love with 1 woman, I wasn't gay yet) i went through a phase of just wanting to wear my dad's red and black plaid work flannel, even thou it was 2 x too big. i remember the look on my straight friend's face when we were suiting up to go out on the town one night and i tried to get away with wearing the flannel by femming it up with black hooker boots!

    ReplyDelete
  21. *Looks down at the oversize blue and green flannel plaid I'm currently wearing*

    Yep. Check. I wear plaid almost every day. On the days I don't wear plaid, I wish I was wearing it.

    Stereotype? Maybe. Still looks good? Yep.

    ReplyDelete
  22. It's strange finding my picture on this blog. I never guessed tumblr would spread my engagement pictures so far on the web! Obviously, plaid was a must for such a momentous photo set. The boats were an accident.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear quilted plaid Quality Farm and Fleet flannel you were so warm, tailored, we used to go buy almond milk together. I got hit on by women all the time with you.
    Did I mention your WARMTH!!!!!!!!

    Why oh why did I think that I couldn't 1. wear quilted flannel in New York City and 2. be a respectable grad student in such a thing.

    Thank you for the homage to plaid.

    NYC would benefit by having more quilted flannel and fewer UGGs, these women have no idea how to keep warm!

    ReplyDelete
  24. PS,
    beautiful engagement photo!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Did pretty good on the gaydar test but opted out of asking Ada out because of crazy nurse hours.

    Isn't it okay for dykes to wear plaid in straight-ish ways? I'm more on the femme side and like waist belts and necklaces with my plaid...

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hmm. I was in the ballpark w/ this gaydar quiz. My skills are improving! Anywho, I question if these "plaid differences" apply to femmebot lesbians like myself. I adore plaid, but being as girly as I am, I turn to the frills and dangly bits.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Femmes, despair not. Your gay card does not get cut up if you wear frilly plaid.

    This is just a quick, totally-stereotypical-general-n-easy overview of the plaid phenomenon to help us all get laid faster.

    I mean, I'm a femme, and RIGHT THIS SECOND, I'm a wearing a plaid dress.

    Rules are made to be broken.

    Plaid is just a signal for girls to check you out more thoroughly. How you throw off the gay is alllll up to you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I work in health care AND wear scrubs and partake in the ICU Dansko fashion show. I fingerfuck..... oh GOD! I'm pretty sure I am a certified woman lover but I don't own one piece of plaid! 'swrong with me??

    ReplyDelete
  29. The first girl in that quiz corresponds perfectly to my girlfriend down to the hat, occupation, etc. and I will gladly attest to the fact that she's pretty damn gay. :)

    I on the other hand haven't worn a stitch of plaid since I first came out and even then I'm pretty sure it was nipped in at the waist and was paired with high heeled boots. To be fair though, I am known among my amongst my queer friends as quite the undercover femme.

    PS Don't get discouraged by the mixed reactions to your previous post, I quite enjoyed the animated discussion and debate that it provoked.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Huhhhh interesting. I feel like I live in a verrrrry heteronormative world sometimes... might not be a gay woman, but it would make me feel better to know there were some around.

    ...I resolve to check my one gender studies class for plaid next week. Alas, I missed the chance to do so on the first day :P

    ReplyDelete
  31. I wore plaid once...and looked very gay...then I decided I already look gay enough and don't need plaid to emphasize that. True story!

    http://i.imgur.com/nyHrn.jpg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. holycrap u look just like my little bro. I'm not kidding. but hey hes really cute and good looking :P :)

      Delete
  32. I'm pretty femmy and one of my favorite shirts is a red/black button-up plaid with a very small ruffle along the collar. It is also tailored and a cotton/silk blend (heretical I know). Alas, the ladies seem to like it so I think you may be a bit off on this one. It isn't just the straights who wear pretty plaids.

    I also enjoyed the assfucking post and think the more we talk about it, the less vitriolic it will become. La la la.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I dont always ok well there is that plaid baseball cap and the multible plaid shirts. But I mena its not like i have plaid undiware. - Looks at plaid undiware- Ok so i do and apparintly have been screamming gay for some time now according to my sister. The more i read your gaydare quiezes the more i realize hole crap i have always been gay how did i not figure it out sooner.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I aced the quiz!!! A+!

    But I don't own any plaid. It just seems so butch and I don't dress butchy. But i do agree about butches wearing plaid, esp. button-downs.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Oh plaid. Seriously, I don't care what gender you are. If you are wearing plaid, I would like to do you please and thank you.

    Although it's pretty inconvenient where I live...about 90% of the population are hipsters, and they're allll about the giant flannels and work boots and generally dressing crazy dyke-y whilst being completely straight.

    Whatever. good eye candy.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hipsters make everything hard. The other week I accidentally ended up at the Old Blue Last (for anyone who doesn't know, it's the pub in London owned by Vice, which tells you everything basically). Was trying to explain to my straight male friend why it was so frustrating being surrounded by cute girls with alternative lifestyle haircuts and plaid shirts...but not knowing if they're lesbians or just hipsters. He didn't understand.

    ReplyDelete
  37. But... But I don't like plaid!

    ReplyDelete
  38. I have a pink plaid tunic from Victoria's Secret with tiny rhinestones on the bottom. It's flannel for reals. I'm the femmest lez with the plaid. Anyways, I wore my tunic out one night and within 5 minutes I had a gay boy approach me and ask me to dance because we were "obviously the only fashionable queers in sight" and we had to "stick together." BEST NIGHT EVER. The tunic never fails me. Somehow, pink and rhinestones still scream LESBIAN to everyone I see. I will cry the day that tunic falls apart.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I live in Portland Oregon. It, as they say, is where the dreams of the 90s came true. We have proudly worn plaid forevs. I am currently wearing plaid and Burton long johns. The lesbian status symbol here is a Pendelton. Pendelton is a town in central oregon that grow more sheep than people so they make a lot of wool that they make into everything plaid. These days a Pendelton goes for like 60 bucks new. I have all my grandpa's, they still smell like him, whiskey, oldspice and Marlboros. I used to think I was now too old for plaid, since I lived through the 90s in the pacific northwest the first time. But, since it will out live me I thought I need to school all the youngins on how to wear it. NOT tied around your waist, Not, as you said, with a belt, ect.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Love the ass-fucking.
    Hate the plaid.

    ReplyDelete
  41. First time back from college I showed up at home with a Canyon River Blues black and white plaid men's flannel button-down. My mom told me I looked like her high school boyfriend. Gotta love a garment that does your coming out for you. Plaid forever.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I always ACE the gay test, fuckyeahi'mjustthatgood.

    p.s., do you actually KNOW the girls you test our gaydar on, or do they just send in their pictures saying "HEY, DO PEOPLE THINK I'M GAY?"

    --because--

    some of them iwannaknow. hmmm.

    ReplyDelete
  43. plaid shirt. mmmm so gay.
    next post: THERMAL SHIRTS

    ReplyDelete
  44. Oh, Lordy, Krista, get that plaid away from me. I am wearing a cocktail dress and five inch heels. (Don't even let me mention what I'm wearing underneath.) I dress like this every day. I am probably girlier than any straight girl on the planet.

    I also don't really find myself getting attracted to butch girls. Nope. They're all these beautiful femme types, and I go chasing after them like a bitch in heat.

    And none of them wear plaid either. Thank GOD.

    So what kind of lesbian am I? I always like to pay at restaurants, I open the door for girls, I am pretty dominant in bed - unless the mood takes me, I do not own a pair of jeans, and at work I am the only woman working at management level with a bunch of men. I own a lot of burlesque underwear.

    Maybe I'm just a straight drag queen trapped in a lesbian's body.

    I sure as hell would be considered straight on any of your gaydar quizzes. (However, I'm a gold star.) Weird eh?

    ReplyDelete
  45. everytime you do one of these i end up wanting the article of clothing you describe. like the studded belt. i want a plaid shirt now.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I failed. FAILED. As a second generation gay whose gay mother wore and still wears TONS of plaid button-ups (sometimes denim, too!), I am embarrassed for myself.

    However. Upon thinking critically about areas upon which I can improve, in the context of this quiz, I have realized my mistake and wish to express myself:

    The "cute" ears-hat, man. The rest of her outfit and the solo beer were pinging-- GAYGAYGAY-- but the hat really threw me. That's where I second-guessed myself and blew it.

    Gina, however, I failed on account of wishful thinking. Snotty barista girls are def one of my weaknesses.

    Thanks for the food for thought.

    PS. Anal sends this queer boi over the edge. Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Ha, I know your style now - totally got full marks on the quiz. Well, okay, two and a half, I woulda just taken the chance on Salima, nom nom nom.

    And all of MY plaid certainly comes from my dad's closet. or my boyfriend's closet (well, floor :P). That still counts for the bi girls, right?

    ReplyDelete
  48. PS Hipsters Of Ambiguous Sexuality (or HOAS as I like to call them... er, us :/) are the bane of my existence, because I am one of them (so lesbians are hesitant about me) and to add insult to injury I'm surrounded by them constantly, and half of them make out with ladies at parties but don't let on whether they'll go any further. Three of them complimented my suspenders last week. I AM SO CONFUSED ;_;

    ReplyDelete
  49. 3/3! I even got the ambiguous one.

    Unfortunately, I am from Colorado. Everyone wears plaid here. The women, the men, the lesbians, the straights. Everyone. My roommate is straight (really, really straight) and she wears mens plaid from the thrift shop. As do half of the women who go to my college. That being said, I'm wearing plaid flannel right now.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Today wearing: a plaid flannel shirt, a white ribbed tank top.

    You would fuck it up in this gaydar quiz: I'm still straight.

    (Anyway I'm aware that I might LOOK a bit gay.)

    ReplyDelete
  51. I bought my nine-month-old daughter a plaid shirt ... with ruffles!

    P.S. I was 3/3 on the quiz!

    1. Yes
    2. No
    3. I don't know

    ReplyDelete
  52. I did AWESOME on the pop quiz!!

    I've been getting A LOT better. I feel like my gaydar has been improving quite a lot over the course of all these quizzes.

    Thank you Kista!!

    ReplyDelete
  53. LoL. I own two pair blue plaid generic\knock off AirWalk style skater shoes.
    plaid + shoe = WIN

    ReplyDelete
  54. Ohhhh I passed LIKEAMOTHERFUCKER! I actually guessed bi-or-asexual-until-further-notice on Salima. I spent a short time in the theatre department in college, and I guess I'm glad I learned at least that much. Gina's ruffles were a dead giveaway, too. Something that should have died with the 80's: ruffled plaid. BARF! But! I have to know: what about the plaid cowboy shirt? You know the one, with pearly buttons and pointy pockets, and maybe the insta-roll sleeves ripped right out of the Men's winter style catalogue? Ah, how I love quiz time. Thanx for making my day...AGAIN!

    ReplyDelete
  55. Aaaand where does Villanelle reside? ;p

    ReplyDelete
  56. I aced the quiz.

    The more quizzes I take, I think I must be gay and not know it. I do everything (well, almost everything) you describe as gay.

    Hmmm...

    Your straight follower who finds your blog funny as hell.

    -HW

    ReplyDelete
  57. i fail so hard on these gaydar quizzes. i wonder what someone like you would think of when you saw me in my short dresses and pigtails? off the top of my head i remember you talking about studded belts, fedora hats, and now plaid, being very gay, but none of these things are in my wardrobe.... perhaps do a femme gaydar popquiz?

    ReplyDelete
  58. I totally passed, btw. I know me some plaid, bitches.

    Also, I must agree with whoever mentioned the thermal shirt. OMG thermal shirt, you are the slightly more attractive version of the plaid shirt. Thank you for existing.

    Not that I don't loooove me some butches in flannel and carhartts, but it's nice to be able to see what they are shaped like, know what I mean?

    ReplyDelete
  59. Ah, I've got a hot straight friend who once bought a nice plaid shirt... I had to be careful not to stare (and drool). Stay away from the plaid, straight girls... it's too hot :D

    ReplyDelete
  60. Totally aced the quiz (although you made it easy) I feel reaffirmed in my gayness, thank you :))

    ReplyDelete
  61. My sister told me to stop wearing plaid shirts without makeup cause I looked too "you know..." I told her that was the point.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I've always said that my favorite color was plaid. I even have TWO pair of plaid pants. Not to mention I have sewn my own plaid, corduroy vests.
    p.s. I work as a cashier at a co-op, and it's kind of like speed dating. LOVE IT. I use the plaid test often. Have yet to be wrong :)

    ReplyDelete
  63. lol i only have one plaid shirt and my straight sister gave it to me. i do wear a lot of man tank tops though

    ReplyDelete
  64. I was reading this and eating my Sunday morning eggs and bacon. In my purple plaid flannel shirt from the men's department at Target. Super gay.

    Incidentally when I was trying it on over my t shirt a stranger (older woman with kids) was like "CUTE SHIRT" so my friend forced me to buy it. I wear it when I go out sometimes so people KNOW FOR SURE.

    ReplyDelete
  65. My girlfriend and I read your post together, and at the time, she was wearing plaid boxers beneath her plaid pajama pants.

    I have a ruffled plaid dress, acquired from a thrift store, that I call my "Lumberjack Dress." I didn't realize it made me look gay until gf's gay male fashionista roommate told me it was "super dykey." And then I glowed with pride that I rocked the frilly Lumberjack Dress.

    I have been thinking recently that I need more plaid. More manly plaid. Mainly, I've been thinking it's time for me to stop being so femme now that I'm comfortable not conforming to such a strictly feminine image.

    I don't really know where to start, but luckily I can borrow lots of gf's clothes.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I love plaid but I don't really bother with it anymore now that the hipsters are in on it. Fucking hipsters. Ruining everything. :/

    However, dykes in healthcare? How many are we talking because I've never heard that one before. My career plans could be swayed yet! :P

    ReplyDelete
  67. @Most recent anonymous: Ack! Don't borrow your GF's clothes. That just brings you one step closer to "identidyke" status.

    Speaking of, the "merge" is something else I would love to see a post on. Definitely an intriguing phenomenon. Even het couples start to look like each other eventually. How do we avoid it? Are ppl okay with it?

    I think that is the one thing that terrifies me...ending up looking just like my gf. More than any other stereotype!

    ReplyDelete
  68. Aced the quiz. Never worn plaid, didn't need to...skinny jeans, tees, hoodies and button down shirts with converse on toes; and I've never slept with a girl who didn't like what I did to her ass. Life is good! Love your writing... you rock!

    ReplyDelete
  69. I read this thinking that I don't fit into the plaid thing.... Then I looked down and realized I threw on my girlfriend's plaid shirt before I came down to grab coffee.... Got me.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Proud to say...2 out of 3 on my very first quiz! LOVE your blog - thanks so much for the time you take! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  71. Seconding Celeste, let's talk about thermal vests and layering. For the life of me I will never figure out how straight girls in London in winter keep warm without layering.

    ReplyDelete
  72. So I got 2/3 for good reason. Ada is my Straight as a fucking arrow neighbour: Tyne. Tyne is a nurse with shoulder length blonde hair, usually thrown up into a lazy pony. After work she goes to the bar and orders a pitcher of pale ale. She wears a snowboarding jacket, mens jeans, mens tanks/tees and a motherfucking shitload of plaid. Mens plaid, womens plaid, Plaid flannel, plaid with frills. PLAID. And she's fucking straight(believe me I tried).

    ReplyDelete
  73. Unrelated to plaid (which I happen to love but only own in jammie pant form): bunnies!
    http://dailybunny.org/

    ReplyDelete
  74. Krista, you're doing it! My gaydar DOES suck, and you ARE helping me! I actually passed a pop quiz, for the first time ever! All this studying at Effing Dykes is paying off. WOO HOO!

    (Sorry you're getting bashed right and left for things. I appreciate you talking about it, and give you extra kisses for being brave enough to get bashed so we can talk about it.)

    (Those extra kisses are redeemable via CJ.)

    J

    ReplyDelete
  75. I've got a huge plaid/flannel shirt collection - and me and my other gay lady friends do as well; we switch and borrow each other's plaid shirts all the time! Haha, plaid is definitely a gay thing. Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  76. i rocked that quiz! ...and then realized the only plaid i currently own has frills and a waist tie. OH NOES!

    ReplyDelete
  77. omg krista I love you. Today featured me + plaid + fence repair. yeeeehaw :)

    ReplyDelete
  78. I'm in college and finally admitted to myself I was gay after spending my entire adolescence wearing plaid, Doc Martens, studded belts, etc. I own every item/do everything you've ever featured in your gaydar quizzes, Krista, minus the Carhartt jacket.

    I used to deny my gayness to everyone. Then I realized through this blog that THE WORLD HAS BEEN TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING. Now I have amazing gaydar and a wonderful girlfriend.

    ReplyDelete
  79. You know, I never would've guessed this was a blogger blog. It looks so clean, and sophisticated.

    What a wonderful look.

    I really have enjoyed reading your posts here. Your sense of humor is funny enough that it can reach across types and ages. I sent you a longer email, to explain, how much I have enjoyed your post here tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  80. I wore a lot of plaid in high school, desperately hanging on to the last vestiges of grunge.

    But it was only to lend heterolegitamacy to not wanting to "dress like a girl".

    Therefore, it was still completely dykey.

    ReplyDelete
  81. I think I need to buy some plaid. I should have jumped on that plaid flannel sale I saw the other day. T_T Damn.

    ReplyDelete
  82. As I was reading this in my girlfriend's laptop this morning while lying together in bed, I realized that I was wearing mens' black and gray fleece plaid. Whatevs, I am obviously the butchy one in the relationship. Looked over at my girly girl, and what was she wearing? This: http://www.victoriassecret.com/ss/Satellite?ProductID=1265385022968&c=Page&cid=1292979629469&pagename=vsdWrapper

    DAMN, it's good to be a lesbian! :D

    ReplyDelete
  83. Effing Dykes doesn't have to be about girl gaydar. This is such an important queer blog. Wherever you go with it is where i wanna go with it. Please know how important you are and don't stop writing WHATEVER becomes relevant. You bring up critical discussions that we need to be having with each other and in such a fabulously delicious way. You are like the PJ Harvey of queer blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  84. I'm not so into plaid. But I do love Pj Harvey. Do you have a post about PJ and gaydar? I would love to read that! What about lesbians in happy hetero marriages? Write a post about that. Please! http://lesbianhetromarriage.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  85. I'm a straight chick, and I was confident about 1 and 2, but 3 was confusing. Then, I looked at the answers. And 3 was supposed to be a trick question! Fuck yeah!

    ReplyDelete
  86. Well first of all ha this is ridiculous. Plaid is not a lesbian thing. Ha. It's a cowgirl/hick/redneck thing. I have never seen a lesbian wear plaid. I wear plaid all the time and I am completely straight and have a boyfriend. So sorry, plaid is not a lesbian thing, it's a country girl thing(:

    ReplyDelete
  87. ^ ohh honey. no, just no.

    ReplyDelete
  88. It's a lesbian thing if you aren't a cowgirl/redneck. Seriously. Go to the cities. If they're in plaid and aren't hipsters, they are of the homosexual persuasion. Take me, for example. When i was seven, i was already trying on my dads flannel shirts. Supercalafragalisticexpealadykey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://effingdykes.blogspot.com/2009/03/you-know-youre-trashy-hooker-when-youre.html

      Effingdykes discusses this debate too in her post: Is she a lesbian or is she equestrian?

      Delete
  89. lmao. I have one plaid shirt. It has no ruffles but does have your so called buckle dealie in the back to sinch the waist. And maybe some dangly shit on the pockets. xD Gosh I'm more like a guy when it comes to clothes anyway.. my mom used to bring me clothes and just Leave them in my room. Or my girlfriends would force me to go shopping for formal/prom dresses or for clothes and it was borderline torture sometimes if not for the hanging out with friends part. Maybe next time I go shopping I'll pick up some plaid ha!

    ReplyDelete
  90. Me LOVE plaid!! My brother buys me plaid for xmas and bday all the time mens size... my older sister buys me 'straight girl' plaid... my aunt tries to buy me plaid but it fails on size too XD (she works at target)...my twin cousins buy me plaid that is too pretty and fancy! I BUY plaid and the world is right again hehehe

    ReplyDelete
  91. My sister bought me red plaid panties.

    What does that mean for me?

    When I first saw them, I called them naughty farmgirl panties. In light of this article, perhaps I should rephrase.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Hey I think I'm getting better at these gaydar quizzes! Goodness knows I need the practice... Also I am a definite advocate of plaid. :)

    ReplyDelete
  93. re: girly flannel vs. boyish flannel... if I could wear guys flannel shirts, I would, I really would. The problem is that I have CURVES. I have boobs and hips (but no ass). Even with a sports bra/binder, my curves cannot be controlled. Guys' flannel shirts just do not look flattering on me. They just look boxy, the bottom button always hits in exactly the wrong place on my hips...they just look weird on me. Not as cute and dykey as I always imagined they would look.

    So I am a fan of girly plaid shirts. Not those weird tunic things, no belts or buckles or decorative shit, but I do like a little bit of structure.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Oh sweet Jesus, effing dykes...

    You've done it this time. You dredged up one of my earliest sexual experiences (with the first and only man I've ever been with) and as a consequence...

    I just realised I lost my virginity wearing nothing but a FUCKING PLAID SHIRT ><

    Even at the tender age of 15, buried deep inside the closet, some part of me somewhere thought "Hmm.. Tonight is probably gonna be the night I sex it up....." and another part thought... "THIS CALLS FOR PLAID!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  95. Late on this, but chanced across it and OMYWORD 100% WHUT DOES THIS MEAN. For the past four years my gaydar's (or les-dar, rather) has been atrocious. But lol at #2, I actually scoffed and said 'so straight', once I read about the slapping co-workers on their behinds thing xD

    ReplyDelete
  96. Thanks for all of your work on this web page. I am looking forward to reading more of your posts in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  97. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete