Monday, October 18, 2010

Swelling the Ranks

Hi oyster-divers!

Madison was fantastic.  There were lesbians everywhere.
[via hellogirls]
And it was basically free!

Remember when I had that job where I was in a different city every day?  Remember that?
Well, one of the perks of it was that I got to keep all my rental car points, hotel points, and frequent flier miles.  

After two years on the road, I officially have more hotel points than God.  

Now, because my lady is a special lady, I treated her ass to an elegant free night at the Holiday Inn Express in Madison for our 5-year anniversary.

You know.  Timeless sophistication.  Class.  Style. 
That's just how I roll.  

*Totallynottobragbut*  I am a Platinum Priority Club member at the Holiday Inn.  

This means that, for two consecutive years running, I've stayed over 50 nights a year at different Holiday Inns around the country.
I used to be strangely proud of my high status.  I'd fling my Platinum Card down on the marble check-in desk with practiced casualness. 

I was world-weary.  
I stayed in hotels every night.  
I wanted my free goodie bag.
[via lesfemmes]
But then, one snowy night last February, I checked into a Holiday Inn in Cincinnati.  My flight had been delayed, so it was very late at night - around 2 in the morning.  
I had just made Platinum.

Impressed with my newly-minted status, I made a show of yawning while drawing out my Holiday Inn Platinum Card.  (It's silver and kinda glittery.)

Teenage Male Clerk Behind the Holiday Inn Desk:  Welcome.  Oh, hey, that's a platinum card.  

Me:  (trying to sound bored while being incredibly excited at this recognition of my high status)  Oh, um, yep.  Travel a lot. You know.  Stay here a lot.

Teenage Male Clerk:  Wow.  (pause)  Your life sucks.

[via darlingdays]
You guys.  The pimpled, teenage night-shift clerk wearing a polyester clip-on tie at a Holiday Inn in Cincinnati thought my life sucked.  

And he was so right!  My life did suck!  That platinum card I was so proud of meant I had spent a major portion of my young adult life in a Holiday Inn!
[via lesfemmes]

So anyway! I used some of my ten bazillion hotel points for our stay in Madison.  

CJ and I had a good, trashy weekend.
[via diaphragm]
We sat at a cafe and made fun of some dykes wearing upside-down visors.  

We visited a gay bar called The Shamrock - affectionately known among locals as The Shame Cock.  

We bought $7.99 pink champagne and got extra classy in the hotel hot tub.

Oh yes.

But while walking about the city, hand in hand and feeling smug, we saw something I haven't ever actually seen in real life:  A gay-hater with signs.   

In Madison!  One of the gayest cities in the Midwest!  And no one even seemed to care!  

I couldn't believe it. 
[via girlsbravo] 
A woman, in her mid-50s, was standing on the corner. 

She was wearing a pale pink sweatsuit and scuffed white sneakers.  
She had a hand-lettered sign that said "Gays and Lesbians Want Your Children- They Recruit."  
The other side of the sign had that tired old Bible verse from Leviticus 18:22: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."

We walked by her, holding hands.  

I guess we could have confronted her, but we were having a lovely day, and can you really ever talk someone out of their worldview in 3 minutes on the street?

All I could think was:  Fuck yeah we recruit.
[via rememberwhenwewerekids]
But, at least for me, it has more of a "missionary" vibe to it.

Dump your boyfriend!  Come be a lesbian!  It's super over here!  Come bring your boobs this way!  We'd love to have you!
[via lezbhonest]
But I only do that kind of direct marketing when I see a really hot straight girl with her boyfriend and it spontaneously bursts out of me.

In reality, we gays don't need to recruit.

People are lining up to be gay. 
[via hellogirls]
It helps that it's fucking trendy and that Ellen DeGeneres is the face of Oil of Olay.  

It helps that every celebrity on god's green earth is suddenly "admitting" to being bisexual.

C'mon!  People are either queer or they ain't. 

You can't recruit! 

Even if I was actively trying to convince every woman I met for the rest of my life to participate in "the homosexual lifestyle", they'd all eventually have to make the plunge on their own.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Or, as CJ put it so tastefully:  "You can grind your cootchie in a girl's face all you want, but she's the one who has to stick her tongue out."

I dunno.  The idea that gays recruit seems funny to me, but conservative Christians take it seriously.  

That's the reason they're against gays in school, gays in the military, gays anywhere...they somehow think that our gay glitter will rub off on them.  
Or their children.  

They should be so lucky.  

*Attention conservative Christians:  We don't want you.  Even if we were recruiting people, and that actually worked, we don't take people who wear pleated khakis.

Seriously!  I feel like conservative Christians spend more time thinking about gay sex than I do.

And that's a lot of time.

We homos don't need to recruit.  

If we had a recruitment office, we'd have our feet up on the desk while we ordered pizza and lazily sifted through the 20-ft-tall stack of applicants.

I know it's fun to jokingly try to get your straight friends to switch teams when you go out for drinks, but...

Do you think it's possible to recruit?
(by `Lðuie Banks)
What do y'allfags think about this?


  1. my experience is that turning/recruiting never really works out. People come around to their gayness (or lack thereof) when they're ready and not before.

  2. Those kristrians they got real hate you can belive in. Don't want em in my world...

  3. a big number of my girlfriends were first time lesbians. I'm unsure as to what that says about me, but in my experience recruiting is a no-win situation! mostly these first timers are just like OH SHIT women have fabulous bodies, why didnt i ever fuck a lady before? But its not like they were straight, they just didnt realize they were super queer. which means they were queer all recruiting. sorry if i ramble, its my bed time :)

  4. My understanding of those sign holders' fears is that some caring person will tell their children that it is ok to be different and as a result some kids might think it is ok to be queer. That sounds wonderful to me! If a person knows they are attracted to the same gender as soon as their hormones start going crazy in puberty then we aren't recruiting, but supporting! A lot of us don't have this simple of an experience, but it gets the point across. I don't think we can recruit. I do think we can be welcoming so those who are already LGBTQI... feel safe enough to be themselves openly; and that supportiveness terrifies the fundys!

  5. If it was possible to recruit someone into having a sexual preference or sexuality we would all be straight, since we’re bombarded with the idea of heterosexuality most of the time… We live in a heteronormative world after all… But while I don’t believe you can ‘recruit’ people into becoming LGBTQ I do believe that we can make the option available, giving people, who otherwise didn’t have it, a choice. This is where visibility of queer identities makes a huge difference, and perhaps it is this that the Christians refer to when they say we recruit? If so, then I guess we do, and should continue to actively do so...

  6. Of course you can't recruit. You can tell people that it's ok to stop beating their queer side down, and let them figure themselves out.

  7. Those in power of the kazillion dollar business (better known as the christian church) have figured out that promoting hate and fear of the LGBT community helps them attract and hold on to their own mindless followers, who are also guilt tripped into finanically supporting this damaging agenda. Let's not be naive about who is doing the recruiting here.

  8. Naw, it ain't possible to recruit, but it is possible to be _visibly_ be having more fun than anyone else, ever, and that gets girls to experiment with you.

    Then they either stick around, or they don't, but it's not like you can give someone the homo. It's something they give themselves, like self-esteem.

  9. All Platinum card holders are like that.. I love it. I used to work at a Holiday Inn Express (actually about to start back there) Then again if I was getting a free goodie back and the perks I'd flash my shiny Platinum card as well! :D

    Really? The Duggars? You had to call out my state like that? ;)

  10. I think people who hold up hateful signs are due for some karma...

    *shrug* and you know what? it's their life that sucks! how much non-suckage could a person have in their life if they're spending their free time holding a stupid effing sign?

  11. Recruit works like a prepaid Itunes card. When the credit vanishes, so does the girl. If they are not really IN it (I mean, at the point where leaving a blank check in Itunes' door is not only ok but you are eager to do so) they are just not being honest and such...
    Sorry but the Itunes analogy just came perfect. Ha.
    So, no, you can´t recruit and even in my recruiting fantasies that does not work.

  12. you could recruit if you offer platinum Holiday Inn cards. :P

    hey, your life before was totally like that guy's in Up in the Air!

  13. Men either are or they aren't. You can't change them. Women are turned on by everything. They're inherently bi. A study conducted showed that while men only showed arousal when showed pornography of the sexual orientation they identified themselves as being, women showed arousal when exposed to every kind of porn including images of animals having sex. It's crazy.

    Women don't need to be recruited, just shown the light.

  14. Interesting study, literaryvice432. Care to cite properly, cause it sounds a little fishy to us nerdy dykes? Not to mention other studies that claim different things like

    P.S. I love your blog, Krista! Keep up the awesome queerness and congrats on 5 years with CJ!

  15. Great comments here. I don't know that you can recruit, but I have sent out invitations. It's nice to know that there are supportive people in the community if you ever decide to come out. It helped me when I was a shy and nervous baby dyke.

  16. Literaryvice,
    I've heard the oppposite, actually. As a psychology and queer studies student who has done extensive research around sexual orientation, I think I know what study you're trying to relate, and in the actual study, it was not at all true. Men were very turned on by gay porn. as much.
    I think when you use that study, though, it's important to consider the methods that were used to gain the information. If you go back and re-read the study, it uses only physical indicators of arousal. I mean, hell, who says desire is purely physical? No matter what the results of the study, the methodologies are important, and noticing the difference between physical arousal and emotional arousal is critical.

    I'd love to see that study if you could find it?

  17. "In reality we gays don't need to recruit. People are lining up to be gay" That is my favorite line ever!!
    Yeah, I don't know why they are so obsessed with us stealing their kids....believe me people, they will figure it out on their own!!

  18. My girlfriend jokes that she recruited me...but she just pulled me out. :-)

  19. Just as I was saying to myself
    "I am NOT doing this shit!"
    (I had a 2 year old and a 6 month old and had just left a priesthood lording Mormonfuck husband who was pressuring me to get pregnant again)
    My best friend who had walked on the girlside of Bi said "If you are a lesbian you worry less about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases"
    I thought about that long and hard. It was true;
    and if we stopped the story right there, we could consider that a successful recruitment because I have been out of the closet now for 18 years.

    The other part of the story was that before all that, right in the middle of marriage counseling, at the end of it all, I wondered out loud to an obviously dykey marriage therapist if I was "actually a lesbian since all of my needs were being filled by my girlfriends instead of by my husband"...ooops... no more counseling for us!
    I was also remembering less and less guiltily all the time that when I was a girl...14...I was feeling it for another girl she was 12.
    No, you can't recruit. But you can show the upside of something that is already in motion.
    If it's some point, it doesn't take much.

  20. So psychology is not my field of study, but I will say that years ago in my intro class one of the things they told us was that just because you get turned on by certain types of porn does not mean you actually want to do the things being depicted. (So, if watching two ladies gets you hot you aren't necessarily lesbian.)

    Well, I wish I had NEVER BEEN TOLD THAT. Because I went my entire life being turned on by everything lesbian, but just figured I couldn't be gay...could I? I wish somebody had straight up told me that yeah, I probably was...or should at least consider it or something.

    Plus I had people telling me that even if you're straight you probably can't have an orgasm during "intercourse" anyway, and that is totally "normal". WTF?

    So I had to wait until I totally fell in lurve with a girl in person to figure it out...when all along I had been crushing on girls at least as often as guys. It was so stupid!

    Even among gay people I hear them say (of younger kids) that it's normal to have crushes on both sexes and doesn't necessarily mean anything. Well, maybe it does! IMO we should "recruit" more, if only to get the word out to people in small backwards-ass towns. Yes, it's a possibly! Yes, it's okay! Yes, if watching sexy times between ladies gets you hot, you probably have some gayness going on! Give it a try!

  21. Love you, small town anonymous. That was awesome. "you probably have some gayness going on! give it a try! best thing I have heard all day.

  22. Whenever I see folks with signs like that, I kind of want to go up to them all sympathetic-like and say, "Gee, you've been out here all day? You look tired. Have you had lunch? Can I buy you a BLT or a cheeseburger?" and then, when they say yes, hit them with a rock for violating Leviticus.

  23. My conservative friend, though accepting, is trying to turn me straight. It's like what, I WANT to be able to relate to the description of crooks from of mice and men that the teacher gives, an outcast because of something I can't change? If I could, I'd be straight. Fucking hot girls keep dragging me back in. Hot, androgynous, Tegan and Sara loving girls. btw, The first picture is hanging off my wall now. I want to sew it onto a pillow.

  24. i believe that recruitment is a myth. If pointing out the red flags of homo-ness and obvious faggery in their past is recruiting, then i'm guilty. however, that being said, i certainly didn't plant those flags there... it's not my fault you can tell what kind of car that is just by the headlights in the rearview, or that you liked the sound of music cause maria had short hair, was kinda foxy and you secretly looked for liesl's nipples after her frolic in the rain with rolfe. and just because i'm willing to fuck you so you know what you're missing, doesn't mean that i made you gay. to quote my own psychology and human sexuality teacher, "correlation does not equal causation."

  25. Here's my take: they have this obsession about recruiting because evangelical Christians are by definition all about recruiting. It's a lot of projection.

    But this brings up an interesting thing I've noticed, and maybe this is just me and I give off an air of "tired of penis," but lately I've met a lot of lesbians who've told me they are exclusively into straight women and trying to get a straight woman to go gay for them. Which is flattering as a straight woman when they launch a full on attack but then quickly creepy. But then every group has it's share of creepsters I suppose.

    Wow was this the least helpful comment ever? perhaps.

  26. "...just because i'm willing to fuck you so you know what you're missing, doesn't mean that i made you gay." LMAO. Best comeback ever, Elise.

  27. Queers recruit queers.

    I really dislike that whole "fluid sexuality" meme. I mean, if studies showed that 60%, 70% hell 90% of women were sexually fluid, I'd be fine with that. A bisexual majority? Great! Just don't tell me it's all women, because that would mean I'm either not a woman or something is wrong with me for not being attracted to guys...which is pretty much the same message I get from conservatives.

    I dated a couple guys in high school. They were very nice, and they were cute. One even wrote me poems. I just ended up feeling like an ass, or possibly sexually dysfunctional for not feeling anything more than friendship. The last guy I dated took it so hard when I dumped him (I mean, nervous breakdown) I swore I'd never date a guy I wasn't attracted to again. And so ended my "experimenting with heterosexuality" phase.

    If I couldn't be recruited to straight land in this society, there have to be straight women who can't be recruited gay land. It's either in you, or it isn't. At most someone could cause someone to question, but the answer comes from within.

  28. maybe, just for fun, we should set up a recruiting station. we can put dan savage in there to tell potential recruits how much better it gets, as a homogay. openly republican senators are not be allowed to enlist, unless they don't tell - we won't ask. seems fair.

  29. Although that Christian family in that photo... I mean, well... STATISTICALLY speaking...

  30. Lupe-- that's a very good point. Christians "recruit" children way more than gay people do-- just look at religious schools, summer Bible camps, and even the Boy Scouts, who don't allow atheists or agnostics. Compared to "If you don't believe what we believe you'll be tortured for eternity after you die," "It's okay to be gay, and also straight, and also anything else" doesn't sound much like recruiting, does it?

  31. You SO owe that teenage male desk clerk a huge kiss :)

    Straight society "recruits" just by being the majority and the norm. Anything contrary to that norm still looks so dangerous to those vested in that power, sad to say. Just saying "no thanks" to that norm and living your life honestly is called leading by example, not recruiting.

    And the direct method of recruiting might work for a drunken weekend, but not for a lifetime, so no, I would say it isn't truly possible.

  32. Recently I learned about this book, The Gay Manifesto which was written some time ago. It was written to be more of a "what if?" than to be taken literally. Although congress got their hands on it and deemed it what all us "gays" fancy doing to society. This book lent a lot to "the homosexual agenda".

    Again, it was not written in all seriousness. But I think this is where the conservatives get a lot of their "recruiting" bullshit.

    In my opinion, it's impossible to recruit. I was raised by fundamentalist Christians, to be a warrior for Christ blah blah...and I turned out to be a huge dyke. :)

  33. I got recruited.
    I was all for penis and chest hair and beards when I met my baby.
    And she was like "Yo, I have boobs, and if we press 'em together it'd be the most wonderful thing in the world."

    And I dove nose first (pun intended) into the business of eating kitties.
    d really REALLY been into Cock would I have considered taking this new found homoerotica for a test-drive? Probably not.

    Cj's right. She could have rubbed her cootchie in my face all she wanted, but I was the one who stuck out my tongue.


    Mymymy, Krista, you're getting popular. Still want them dirty photos?
    All my lesbian love,

  34. If we gays really could recruit, then we'd also have the power to vote bad, wayward and lesser gays off our island. Because you know how much we heart reality TV.

  35. @GrrrlRomeo: I am unclear on why you "dislike" the concept of fluid sexuality. I don't understand why being in a minority would mean there is something wrong with you. If the majority of women (say 90% from your example) are bisexual, why would that mean there is something wrong with being in the 10% who isn't? Why would that make you "not a woman"?

    IMO, a lot more people are bisexual than realize it. I don't mean to devalue anybody's identity or suggest that they don't understand themselves, just to point out that there is a lot of pressure out there to "pick a side." As a bisexual, for me, that would be taking the easy way out. And that pressure comes from the straight community and lesbians who "dislike that whole fluid sexuality meme." (As you put it.)

    There is a lot of bi-hate out there and it seems really close-minded. Like you said, the answer comes from within, which means nobody else can give us the answer for what will be true for us (individually). You can also only answer for yourself as to whether your sexual identity will change/is or isn't "fluid."

  36. You can't recruit.

    You CAN set up an environment where gay young people feel safe expressing their true identity.

    That's what the evangelical Christians don't want.

    They call it recruiting. But it's really just allowing honesty.

    Also - I want that job where I eat pizza and sift through stacks of applications. Can I take time off to rehearse for my one-woman show? I promise to include Lily Tomlin as the opener...

  37. I should tell the third part of the recruitment story. I had a huge legal and social fight to be able to raise my own daughters because my ex fucking husband, parents and ex in laws bought into the whole idea of recruitment. AND tried to recruit my kids to think I was a bad person.
    I DID get to raise my girls into adulthood WITH my lesbian partner; and who did they turn out to be?
    A couple of really cool artsy, eclectic music loving, vintage clothes wearing open minded, straight very feminine young women.
    and who do they have a great relationship with? The haters? Noooo,
    With us.

  38. @Anonymous Seriously? Please read my post again without the "everyone is biphobic" goggles on.

    Like I said, in my post, so very very clearly without any ambiguity...I'd be fine with a bisexual majority. Just don't tell me ALL women are bisexual. I assure you, the pressure from both bisexual women and straight men to try men and "explore your sexuality" and "keep your options open" is as annoying as "pick a side."

    I didn't pick a side. I am just homosexual.

  39. Leviticus was written by an inbred moron. Seriously.

  40. I am married to a man. I had some fun bi time years and years ago. As "cool" as the thought was for me, the sex wasn't. I wasn't disgusted or freaked out. It just wasn't for me. Same as the threesome I had with my hubby. I now realize that 3 ppl in one bed is not what I want. You are who you are. No recruitment needed. You should have seen my MIL's face when I told her I didn't care if my son ended up gay or straight, as long as his partner didn't hit him, cheat on him, give him a disease or use him I didn't give a rat's ass WHO he married, as long as he was loved. You would have thought I told her we planned on sacrificing him to the devil! hahaha....such a moron.

  41. "You can grind your cootchie in a girl's face all you want, but she's the one who has to stick her tongue out."

    CJ is a genius.

  42. As I understand it ... recruit (in French) means to grow.

    1635–45; < French, s. of recruter, deriv. of recrue new growth, n. use of fem. ptp. of recroître ( re- re- + croître < L crēscere to grow; cf. crescent)

    Maybe Bi/Queer/Homo is just the next step up on the evolutionary ladder?

    But you know how far that argument will get you with the "religious wrong" ... they don't believe in evolution.

    Anyway that being said ... No I don't believe you can change a person's orientation.

    You B's what you B's and nobody can change you except you. And as we all know even that is a bitch to do!

  43. According to this about 1 in 3 straight women have had sex with another woman, and of those who haven't about 1 in 4 want to.

  44. Having spent a significant part of my teenage years around Christian Coalition/American Family Association types, I can say with at least some level of certainty that the fear of recruitment seems to stem from the belief that it's a choice. If it's a choice, the idea goes, then the right set of experiences can induce someone to make that choice, and it's possible for their "innocent" child to be seduced.

    I think their biggest fear was that one of their kids would catch teh ghey somehow.

  45. I sometimes wonder how many of the Duggar kids will turn out gay. Out of 20 kids at LEAST one!

  46. In a word, no.

    This sort of shit is ridiculous. People like this make me embarrassed to be straight...

  47. Gather around, young ones, as i recount a chant i heard in the early 1990's at a gay pride parade by a group of The Lesbian Avengers: "Ten percent is not enough! Recruit! Recruit! Recruit!" -- shouted ironically (kind of). Ha ha.

  48. recruiting doesn't work. if you are "hetero" for a good portion of your life and suddenly "go gay," it's likely that you were just queer all along and in denial. i think somebody mentioned this above, also. i can speak firsthand that this was my experience.

  49. Um, it's been over a week since you updated. Come on. I have needs.


  50. i don't believe that the duggars....all 19 of them....i just don't believe that they are all straight. statistically speaking, there's got to be at least one or two queers in that bunch.

  51. My girlfriend is Christian and wants to become a pastor, weird, no?

    Also, I love that you're using Ariane Moffatt's picture, she's a great artist from Québec and she's also super queer!

    Congrats on those five years!

  52. Awesome post!!! :) I just found your site, and I love it!!

  53. This crap makes me embarrassed for Christianity.

    Grow up guys, regardless of what you believe about it. Get the planks out of your eyes. God told us not to judge.

    Being gay and Christian seems so impossible.

  54. I like you, Kendall.

    I do not like those Christians who are so anti-gay: I bet they don't even like the opposite sex. They probably get off on hating.


    I am Christian. And at least bi. Do I think homosexual acts are immoral? Yup. And It's my personal opinion that I won't try to force on any of you. Also, what with the fact that I'm probably gay, I can understand that you don't exactly CHOOSE to be gay. So, yeah. I like to just let be, generally speaking.

    Ugh. Stupid haters.

  55. wtf? am i understanding this right? you're 'at least bi' but you think being gay is immoral?
    you are seriously messed up

  56. I'd just like to say that I'm so happy you came to Madison!! although I guess I live in the wrong part, because I don't see lesbians "everywhere."

  57. i don't know so much about converting from super straight to super gay, but my ex was masterful in her level of recruitment. i don't think she ever dates girls who are out...maybe she likes the challenge? i was one of those sadbians who was "straight" and her fervor made my coming out the easiest thing in the world. maybe we should recruit more!

  58. I never said I wasn't "seriously messed up". I rather agree. It's not much fun.

  59. you could recruit me :D yesyesyes? hih

  60. I don't think you can recruit. You can offer a safe environment for someone to come out. I honestly thought for a long time that I might be gay because I love women so much, I find them infinitely more attractive than men in every single way. I know I could spend the rest of my life with my best friend. I just don't want to have sex with women. Did it. Not into it, moving on. I can adore the living daylights out of women and have sex with men, if I want to, but I'm just not gay. I sometimes wish I were, but I just can't change myself. And I would have told off the lady with the sign. That kind of thing is fun for me.

  61. Ehhh? HomoHaters here? In good ol' WI? Must be in the cheese or something'. Don't worry, we've got plenty of happy gays here. I only have the displeasure of knowing a few haters (Most of which are my cousins. Fuuuuuuu..... I need to come out to them somefreakingtime.) seriously gay people love Madison, just not Scott Walker. If you ever need any help with them haters, you should post, we can counter rally fast if needed, though, some haters just roam around, looking for attention, don't feed 'em while they're trolling. We just help when they get scary. Sorry for them bothering you though, must of slipped through our rainbow cow security fences.

  62. you cant turn a straight person into a gay person, but you can the good person who helps someone identifying as straight realize that they are actually gay. that wouldnt be making them gay, though, they would have already been gay, you just proved it to them haha

  63. i believe we recruit
    i personally when i first came out to my female best friend we started talking about gay stuffs and few days later she told me that she has been thinking about her sexuality lately :P
    i guess we have an effect on straight people and making them exploring new things :D

  64. Super conservative born-again christians just think gay people actively try to turn others gay because they actively try to turn others into super conservative born-again christians. As close to recruiting I think the LGBT community gets is trying to get people to being open minded... that might mean more people who may have same-sex attractions come out, but the goal is about acceptance.

  65. I realized I was dykey after my first boyfriend. So, does this mean that I was recruited by a dude??