Ohhhhhh you filthy fuzz-bumpers.
Remind me to elope.
I mean it.
My darling, only sister Shelley is getting married today, which means I will soon have my very first brother, ever.
His name is Wes.
When Shelley first started dating, I put in my request for The Perfect Brother-In-Law:
1) He must be named Ben. (So manly!)
2) He must be able to pick up a large dog and sling it around his neck like an muscle-y guy in an Abercrombie ad.
3) He must ruffle my hair.
4) He must be good at grilling slabs of meat.
When Shelley moved to Australia to get her master's degree, I figured I had this Perfect-Brother-In-Law thing in the bag.
I mean, c'mon! How could you not come back from Australia with a muscled man named Ben who likes throwin' meat on the barbie and enjoys wearing Labradors as mufflers??
Shelley arrived back in Minneapolis two years later, newly-degreed...with no Ben in tow.
I was despondent.
But then Wes came on the scene.
Apart from having a name that is tragically not-at-all-"Ben"...he is everything on my request form for The Perfect Brother-In-Law.
He pokes me in the side and gives me noogies.
He throws my 70-pound Lab/Shepherd mix, Charlie, around his neck and walks around the yard with him.
Excellent work, Shelley.
Anyway! I've spent the last week doing wedding stuff, and haven't had time to write about dykes.
HOWEVER! Since it's Saturday night, and I know y'all are going out...I made you a little game.
And when I say I made it, I mean I got the idea here, found all the pictures, and then hopped energetically around behind Tawnya going, "Make it rainbow-colored!" while she made the graph and did all the hard computer stuff.
Thanks Tawnya. You're really really smart.
This oughta keep you sluts occupied:
Here's how you play Lesbo Bingo:
1) Click on the game card and then print it out. One for each player!
2) Go out to a place with lots of homogirls. Like a dyke bar. The natural foods co-op. The dog park. A dance club. Anywhere with lezzies!
3) Start playing! It's not like regular Bingo - in this game, in order to cross off a square, you hafta see the sign-of-a-dyke first.
Then you need to call it. (Example: "Ooh! Cabbie hat!") Someone at your table needs to confirm the sighting. Then you get to cross off the square!
4) First player to cross off a row, column, or diagonal-column first shouts "DILDO!!!" really loud.
Because it's fun to yell "Dildo!"
Winner gets a prize.
A drink, a candybar, 7 minutes alone in a closet with their crush...wait, that's a different game.
Have fun! Think of me in an inappropriately-tight dress, helping to keep the "unity candle" from blowing out!