Monday, April 19, 2010

Dyke Style Update! (aka 'The Balls In Her Mouth')

Tramps!

Does this ever happen to you?

"I always hit on the wrong girls."

"My gaydar sucks.  I had no idea she was the queer one at the table."

"I wish there was something chicks wore that automatically meant they were lesbians."
by fraanzi via deviantart

Fuuuuuuuuck. 

Dykes, this may be your past, but it does not need to be your future. 

There is something girls wear that means they're homos.

And I can't believe we've never talked about it.

Queerettes are advertising themselves all over the damn place - right under your nose! 
via alternatexrealities
And all without obvious rainbow tattoos or gayass t-shirts.

So here it is. 
Simple. 
An alarmingly easy way to tell if the girl you're looking at likes boobies as much as you do. 

I give you...

The ball-ring piercing.

Boom!
You're welcome.


Gay girls are 115.6% more likely than straight girls to have this kind of jewelry in their faces.  S'truth.
 
Here's why the ball-ring piercing is for homos only:

1) Lesbians love love love piercings.  Lip rings, eyebrow-piercings (so 90s!), monroes, nose rings, labrets, septums.  You name it, dykes love it.
via Deanna Templeton

2) More lesbians have obvious piercings than straight girls.  (Maybe because we're used to pain? *tear*) We're already not getting married to boys...fuckit, let's pierce our faces. 
Gramma's already pissed.
                                                                     via hipsterdykes
3) Lesbians like metal-ly shit.  Metal-ly shit that looks like it belongs in a toolbox.  You know, hardware. 
We've talked about this:
http://effingdykes.blogspot.com/2009/03/dyke-style-update.html

4) The ball-ring piercing looks obvious, tough, and a little bit like a tool.  
It says "androgynous."
It says "I'm no stranger to pain - this was nothing."
It says "Fuck you and your sparkly butterfly belly-button piercing."

Sometimes gaydar is just too easy. 


If you see a woman with a piercing like this:


She is likely a homosexual. 
(At least you've got a fighting chance.)


Little metal ball = gay.

Straight girls, take that shit out immediately! 
You are confusing us.


Ball-ring piercings are G-A-Y.
Gay!

28 comments:

  1. LOL.
    Love it!

    And I have a monroe, so, you caught me. Damn!

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  2. Did somebody get a new piercing recently, hmmm??? LOL

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  3. I wish. I WISH. Apparently all the straight girls around these parts have decided they like looking like dykes. Srsly. Goddamned androgynohipsters. :}

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  4. Damn. You're right! I just went through the mental rolodex of all the queers I know. Every. Last. One of 'em, including me. And not one of the straight girls I know.

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  5. I wish that was the case 100%. I know I only have one piercing, want more, and yes of course is a ball piercing, but I do know many straight girls who have multiple ball piercings. It makes me sad.... :(

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  6. My nose ring and nipple rings were CBRs. And contrary to the post, I like boys. Sorry for the confusion. But it's cool. I like being mistaken for a lesbian. I feel flattered. :-)

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  7. Do you keep a running list of greetings for your posts? Are you ever afraid to use the same one twice? I would be. I imagine "bonjour fags" would happen with high frequency if I were in charge here.

    That aside, just got back from montreal, so many lip rings

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  8. i'm going to have to disagree here.. maybe you've never lived in a city with a large number of young urbanites, because i can think of dozens of girls off the top of my head (all straight) with these piercings.

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  10. I made a promise to myself to get every piercing under the face of earth by the time I turned 30... and I did kind of did it! I got 9!
    So so gay of me, I know... It's like DOH! now...

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  11. You're mentioned in Autostraddle! Awesome. Love your blog!
    http://www.autostraddle.com/ten-queer-blogs-you-should-be-reading-41806/

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  12. damn emo kids... throwin off the gaydar and shit. sighhhhh

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  13. Wait a minute, I'm a muff diver and I have no visible piercings. In fact, the only one I have besides my ears is a sparkly belly button piercing (it's a rainbow one... points?) But, no balls, not anywhere.

    You say take them out, stright girls. What about us dykes that are too pussy to pierce? (They get crusty, leave scars, I'm a femme, I don't like that shit).

    DO NOT get me wrong. I am 10-90% more likely to fuck you if you have a piercing, I think they're hot as hell and I like to bite them.

    I just happen to be one of the few with no facial piercings and no tattoos. I leave that to the girlfriend. Is this wrong? Am I being voted off the island?!

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  14. What if I don't like piercings on a girl?

    Pretty sure i'm fucked

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  15. Melissa, I can sort of relate: some piercings, I don't like. Those ones around the middle of your nose irritate me. Anyone I've seen before and after photos of, that person was exceptionally more attractive to me before the piercing (no offense, ladies that look like captive bulls). Of course, it's the one my girlfriend really wants to get next. Do I let her express herself, or impose my opinion and stop the body modification she so craves for whatever vain and bass ackwards reason? Hmm.

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  16. I do not like the body piercing practices that have become prevalent in the Hetero as well as Homo communities. Hell I don't even like pierced ears.

    I like soft smooth skin with out those damn distracting bits of metal that keep getting stuck in my teeth.

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  17. Think it's more a generational thing than a gay thing. Oldsters like me rarely have piercings (unless they're BDSMish types), and personally, they turn me off. Guess I'll have to stick to the mature dykes. ;)

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  18. i've so much of that shit it's ridiculous

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  19. My therapist has the nose ring and some on the ear. I can only imagine what other rings there are. She is in her 40's. She is beautiful, sexy, SMART, EDUCATED and grounded. A lass, she told me at the beginning of our sessions that she was a member of the GLBT community and asked if that was O.K., I said yes it's O.K. She didn't specify either lesbian or bi, I would like to know I'm a guy, but perhaps it's a too personal question. After 2 years of sessions she's still my therapist and I love her to death.

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  20. I clicked onto your blog as I was searching through Google images for piercings. Clicked away, but felt the need to come back and toss my two cents in. For some background, I'm a straight female and have always lived in large city areas with people of every interest, orientation, creed, religion, political affiliation, etc. I've often had far more straight female friends with visible facial piercings than lesbian friends with them. I always took it as feminine as it's still jewelry. CBRs are convenient and heal piercings well. Piercings in general also require quite a bit of upkeep in healing. Many lesbian women I know seem to have shorter hair cuts and comfortable clothes. Nothing that requires much upkeep. Granted, I'd want anyone who has interest in a piercing to get it. But it does not seem to be a good indicator. One thing that I've seen a lot of that is a dead giveaway? Any sort of LGBT tattoo. Usually in an easily visible place. Never seen anyone with one who's merely a supporter!

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  21. Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I've truly enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts. In any case I'll be subscribing for your feed and I hope you write again soon!
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  22. (I realize this thread is really old and I might not get a response)
    So, I'm a straight guy and I honestly love this style on women. I really find that it's true that most women with awesome short hair and an array of tattoos and piercings turn out (to my dismay) to be lesbian. While I can come off as confident in your typical conversation, untill I know someone enough to be comfortable around them I'm really not too confident in reaching out to meet new people weather it be in the interest of a friendship or a more intimate relationship. My question is, isn't there any other way of being able to tell if a woman is lesbian without finding out though conversation? Like I said I greatly admire women with this type of look, especially the mind set that seems to go along with it. I'd feel a lot better going up to a girl and starting a conversation if I knew that at the least her orientation wasn't going to wreck the possibility of becoming anything more than friends.

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  23. Damn, I must be an exception. Men love the feel of my piercings ;)

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