Monday, March 8, 2010

Breaking Lesbian News!!!

OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD

Five fucking minutes ago, I WAS IN LINE WITH THE U.S. OLYMPIC WOMEN'S HOCKEY TEAM at the Boston Airport.

HOLY, HOLY SHIT.

Here's what happened:

I was bored, shifting my weight from foot to foot in the "Expert Traveller" line for the x-ray.  
Waiting for all the assholes who think they're 'experts' at being ready for security because they go to Vegas twice a year. 

Assholes.
Annoyed.

Idly running my eyes over a delicious girl's ass.  

This girl was kinda dykey.  She was standing in front of me, wearing jeans, and I gotta tell you - even through jeans, you could tell her legs were muscled like a stallion. 

I was having filthy thoughts about pulling her shiny brown ponytail and shouting 'giddyup!', when I noticed she had a 'Team USA 2010' puffy parka on. 

THEN I NOTICED SHE HAD FRIENDS. 

And they also had 'Team USA' jackets.  And asses you could bounce quarters off.

There were four of them. 
They were laughing, they were shoving each other; they all had ponytails, lip gloss, and colored elastic headbands (the definitive markers of young Sporty Dykes.) 

And they all had 'Team USA' duffel bags.

It couldn't be. 

It. could. not. be.

I was right behind them!! A women's team from the Olympics!  I could have touched them! 
Thoughts were racing through my head. 
I should say something.  I should ask them what sport they play.  I should drop something in front of the whole team and see if they wrestle each other to get it.  I should should talk to them.  I should say something.  I should ask for a picture.  I should yell, "USA!  USA!" and then ask them all, collectively, out on a date to the nearest airport bar.  Holyshitholyshitholyshit.

It is in these key moments in my life that I choke up.

In awe, I quietly went through security and started to collect my stuff.  I would never know.

AND THEN!!!   The TSA Security Butch saved me!  She did!

She was patting one of them down, right in front of me, and she said casually, "Hey, so what, were you in the Olympics or something?"

YES!!!

The girls broke into hoots and hollers and one yelled, "HOCKEY, BABY!"  and pulled out....

THE SILVER FUCKING MEDAL.
No lie! I saw it and it was huuuge. 

Then my eyes rolled back in my head and I fainted from delight and then I came to and sent about 3,000 text messages about this amazingness. 

And then I tried telling the lady next to me on the plane, but she sucked at being happy for me. 

She obviously hates America.

You guys, I saw the Olympic Women's hockey team.
Aren't you so excited???

holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit

23 comments:

  1. this would have made me ecstatic... ps you're a total pussy for not saying anything and should have taken pictures!

    pps - you're one of my favie gayelle blogs and i tweet about your posts on the reg!

    http://twitter.com/bestlesbianweek

    ppss - are you on twitter?

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  2. haha, i am excited for you!

    but...
    i cant imagine you being to nervous to say anything to anyone.

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  3. ahh, you should have said something. but its still really cool.

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  4. only more excited if was the Australian women's hockey team ;)

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  5. That's amazing! And now you will think for the rest of your life how you coulda gone on a date with like four hockey players at once. And kick yourself for missing the chance! But hey, at least you got a step closer than the rest of us did!

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  6. whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! you totally shoulda said something, I bet they would've been excited to be recognized!!!!! and maybe you could've even had a fivesome!!!!!!!

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  7. I am very possibly quite jealous.

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  8. I do that too... honest to god this beautiful girl was staring at me in the bookstore and I could not utter a sentence. I feel the pain... I do. If you need to talk, I'm here. haha!

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  9. i probably would've had an orgasm just standing there. or blurb out hiiiiii hi hi against my will. probably both.

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  10. YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN PICTURES!!!!

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  11. OHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!! I would not have sucked at being happy for you, if I sat next to you on the plane. Lordy! After a life spent hating all sports, I happened to catch Dorothy Surrenders' photos of the Canadian women's hockey team (not USA but ya know, hockey, and ya know, women) and I have decided the next half of my life is to be spent adoring hockey players. So yeah. You are my new hero. Gah!

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  12. Oh hell. I just commented but clearly I'm so excited that I hit the wrong button and it's gone. Anyway, WOW and YIPPEE and HOORAY and other similar sentiments. Women's hockey has become one of my reasons for living. What?!

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  13. Oh. And there is my first comment. And now number three. OK, so, next time take me with you. I clearly have no problem with the SPEAKING. Yow.

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  14. I'm not sure which is more amusing, the post, or that the blog entry on hockey drew more comments than any other entry in the past year.

    But you are one lucky dyke!

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  15. because dykes and hockey are everything right and lovely in the world.

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  16. Super duper cool crazy exciting! Would've given my left ankle.

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  18. That would be pretty cool.
    But I'm Canadian, and all I can think is, seeing a Canadian pull out her gold medal would be so awesome.

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  19. Haha - it's funny that you should say that, because my girlfriend's roommate is now dating one of the women on the US Women's Hockey team. Your gaydar is spectacular!

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  20. OHMYGOD! I would've shit myself, fainted, and/or hurled out of nervousness/excitement... in no particular order. Hockey is AMAZING. Girl's playing hockey? FUCKING SEXY!

    --Rachel.

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  21. Just saw some at their most recent training camp. Have always been a huge fan of the team since I was a little kid and now seeing them as a 22 year old was insane. Had to track down some hotties and chat it up. But I was going crazy inside haha

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