"Dear Effing Dykes,
Did you know your blog is exactly one year old today? I've been following it since it was only a week old. You should probably name me its godmother or something.
Whoa! Effing Dykes is ONE WHOLE YEAR OLD?
Oh, I can't believe how time flies. *tear*
If Effing Dykes was a baby, it would be all drooling and waving its fat arms around and stuff. Thanks, Kari M.!
She's right! This mess got started on this date, exactly one year ago. I remember it well....
This time last year, I had gone out to dinner the night before.
My straight, married friend, "Emily" was asking me insanely boring questions, again, about being a lesbian. (P.S. Emily, you're so interested because you're a big secret dyke. Everybody already knows. You're welcome, sweetiepie.)
She didn't let up with the questions.
I was sneaking fries off her plate and trying to picture Emily kissing her husband.
She kept talking.
Question after question.
How do you know if a girl is a lesbian? How do you ask a girl out? What's it like to kiss a woman? How do you know what to do in bed? Can you still be a lesbian if you don't wanna, y'know, go down there?
And then I couldn't take it anymore. I put my hand up, like a crossing guard, and said, "Emily, you know what? I'm going to write a fucking book about lesbians. Just for you."
I would write a book to give homogirls clues on how to spot their own kind. So they could get laid.
I would write a book to save the whole world!!!
Or, um, a blog.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EFFING DYKES!
It's been fucking fun.
And fun fucking.