Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Muff-Diving: A New Definition

Hola, gays!

The world is sunny and bright. I'm still on Christmas vacation. I've had enough food. I've had enough sex. I've even had enough sleep, and this is actually the first time I've left my apartment in three days. All for you!
Before we get started,

A WARNING:

THIS POST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LESBIANS.
We can fucking do that tomorrow.

Right now, I've only got one thing on my mind.
Would you look at what Santa left under my tree???!!?!??
What a thinker that Santa is! He knew I wanted a puppy, but he also knew my apartment was too small! What to do?
Santa must have thought and thought and thought.
And then he had it. A bun! A soft lil' beastie! For me!

Her name is Midge.
It's short for Midgeon P. Bundlesworth the Third.
Imogene P. if she's going to tea.
She weighs two pounds and she's four months old.
She's a dwarf bun - she's never gonna get bigger.

And OMG she's an orrrrrrphaaaan!!! Abandoned!! Left on the Humane Society's front steps inna basket!! And she has liddle grey paaaaaws!
Christ in a nightie.
Midgie is a very snuggly bun. Look at her cuddling with my favorite lil' piece. Awwwww. Fuck.
She smells like sweet hay and rainbows and baby jesus.

There has never been an obsession like this.

What does she want? Is she cold? Does she need a new toy? Can bunnies sneeze? Would she like to chew on one of CJ's shoes? Which one? Would she like me to hand-feed her individual dandelion leaves? Migeon? Midgie? Midgemeister? The Midge? What would my baybeh like to do today?

She hops softly around our apartment, following me like a puppy.
And...she fits into Chihuahua clothing sizes.

CALL THE ASPCA!!

We'll talk dykes soon, so just chillll, motherfuckers.
I must leave the coffeeshop now, as we are running out of organic, locally-grown baby carrots.
Midge needs me.

13 comments:

  1. I love Midge already. Can she come for a visit with Auntie Kelly in Seattle?

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  2. What a little cutie! And a perfect pet for you. Have fun with the Midge.

    Left on the steps...for cripes sake. Well, she's got a good home now.

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  3. OMG TEH CUTE IS KILLING ME. I WANTS.

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  4. Daaaaw, lookit the baby. It's okay, she is obviously a dyke bunny.

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  5. Man, she's CUTE! I'm thinking your dyke bunny might need a friend so she doesn't get too lonely when you go to work. I want one!

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  6. ARRGGHSKDFJKJDJG

    SO CUTE.
    Bunnies are wonderful.
    Congrats!
    (All I got was a stupid coat for christmas.. I want a bunny now..)

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  7. Be careful, as a Chihuahua owner whose animal looks FIERCE in a turtleneck/trench coat/holiday myth du jour those outfits will suck a bank account DRY. Have FUN!

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  8. Lucky Midge! Happy you! She's adorable. Shower her with everything you've got. Happy New Year!

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  9. Okay, okay. I'm REALLY tired of checking this site every day (multiple times a day, I might add) and seeing that the most recent post is (still!) about the bunny.

    I GET IT SHE'S CUTE BUT I WANNA READ MORE ABOUT LESBIANS.

    GO.

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  10. I don't know this was the gayest post yet. Love it

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  11. she is cute as fuck and has the snout of a dane (almost). good work santa.

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. The rabbit is lovely, but the animal clothes?... bitch, pleeeease.

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