Monday, May 18, 2009

Talk to Your Doctor

(Sad, quiet piano music)

(Different voices echoing)

"You just haven't been...yourself lately."

"You're abandoning activities you used to love."
"It's like you're not even here."
(Soothing female voiceover):

We've all been there.

But when does a habit turn addiction?

At what point have you lost control? Maybe you feel confused, overwhelmed, or anxious, and you don't know where to turn.

When is it time...for help?
Lesbian Cell Phone Drama, or LCPD, is a real disease, with real symptoms, and it affects millions of lesbians across the country. You are not alone.

Night after night, you go out to socialize, but instead find yourself in the quietest corner of the bar, trying to soothe your hysterically jealous girlfriend.

Or maybe you're playing the field. You try to keep your love life under wraps, but the damn tricks keep calling you. They're obsessed. They want to be your girlfriend. You know you shouldn't answer an unknown number, but you just...can' it. Your friends have given up. You're always on the phone. Always having a dramatic whispered conversation. Actually drawing more attention to yourself by trying to chat privately in a public place.

Maybe you're even displaying symptoms of LCPTDD, or Lesbian Cell Phone Texting-Drama Disorder.
Your life is so dramatic. And it's not your fault.

Talk to your doctor about LCPD.
There's hope for you. You can stop this disease.
Treatments are available, ranging from downgrading your cell phone plan to refusing to speak to psycho dykes on a regular basis.
LCPD. It's time to end the drama.


  1. I'm a straight girl addicted to my cell phone. Is there a disease for that?

  2. i think i have a crush on you...

    can you do me a favor...i am a bi sexual girl...not bi curious...and definitely not bi because it is trendy or will get me a few drinks/attention...

    but no one likes a bi sexual girl...guys say i am just greedy...and lesbians think i am not committed to the pussy...

    just because you are bi, does not mean you sleep with everything that moves...and just because you are bi, does not mean you aren't committed to the pussy...

    so dr.strangelove of the lesbian world, can you answer my question...

  3. I'm madly in love with you...yep. Ha, you're so funny; I love this post! I am a little sad that I only recently discovered Effin' Dykes.