Saturday, April 4, 2009

But Mr. Hall, I Was Surfing the Crimson Wave!

Shit.

For a long time, I thought I was carrying the Christ child in my uterus.

I haven't had my period in two years.

Well, today I got it. Fuuuuuuuck. For a split second,I wondered if I was hemorrhaging.

I literally had no idea what was happening.

To make a long story short, my period was all effed because I donated my eggs six times in a row to pay for college.

Quick answers to your Egg Donation Questions:

1) No it didn't hurt.

2) Yes I'm okay with having children in the world with my genes.

3) $5000 each time. Six cycles x $5000 = College Education.



It turned out that the real payback for donating eggs was that my period just...kinda...vanished. The Crotch Doc said it was fine, and that it would come back in its own due time. Or maybe never at all. Since I don't want kids, um, EVERINAMILLIONFUCKINGYEARS, think how wonderful my life was! No period, even at all! No cramps, no expensive fucking tampons, no PMS, no bleeding through my favorite Seduction Underpants. It was like being a dude with tits! Sex whenever!

The Downside: I developed a totally unlesbionic, politically-incorrect aversion to doing it with anybody on HER period. Not good. I know it's all part of the beauty and mystery of females, how we're all connected to the moon and all that bullshit, but my life was better without monthly bleeding. I started getting spoiled, annoyed with my favorite little piece when she was on her period (again!!!) thinking, "Why can't she be all clean and neat like me?"


I had forgotten what it meant to be a woman. One that sleeps with other women.


I was turning into a guy. I would hit it if it was bleeding, but it kinda grossed me out.
Don't get me wrong - if there is sex to be had, I'm there. I can soldier through a little extra red lube if it means getting laid. But I can't...um, put my face down there. Even at all. And lots of girls can. Lots of girls. But eating a girl out when she's on her period always puts this picture into my head during sex:
Mmmm. Tawnya says that her Slavic grandma told her to put menstrual blood in the food she cooks for her lovers to keep them faithful. It's supposed to be an aphrodisiac. (She's done this. I am not even fucking kidding.) So if you eat out a girl on her period, will you have true love forever? I think yes!

Unless you get a big clot between your teeth.

I don't think I'm gonna risk it.

9 comments:

  1. Good choice. I wouldn't risk it either.

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  2. i absolutely love your writing!!!!!!!!!!!! keep it up!
    and, where did you go through for the egg donation? i'm interested in doing that too.

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  3. so honest... very nice krista

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  4. i love blood fuckin. i used to have a lover who was very into my enthusiasm for going down on her during her period. she'd call it "happy clown" time, because i'd always end up looking like a sex-crazed, demonic (yet HAPPY) clown. yum.

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  5. this is the best blog i've ever stumbled upon. hats off to you, lady!

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  6. i fucked a girl once who told me her period was over. it wasn't until after i came up for air that i realized she wasn't...quite...done.

    i couldn't figure out if i were a true hero or completely grossed out.

    i remember thinking she tasted a little bit sweeter than usual, but i figured it was my taste buds being weird.

    after that, i thought for sure she'd worship me forever, but now she's fucking somebody else.

    oh well. your blog is hilarious. thank you for writing it.

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  7. My girlfriend's got this thing where she too doesn't get her period (like you Krista w/the exception of $$) so I don't really have a problem concerning it. But, I think as long as the girl's clean and just put a new tampon in, I would be cool with it. I wouldn't want my girl to do it to me, though. Kinda weird when the table's flipped, lol.

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  8. yeah man people can just wear tampons and put down a clean towel. you lose several lesbian points for this one, lol.

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  9. Just wondering how old do u need to be to donate eggs ?? , and can u tell them ur a lesbian or should u hide it drone the agency ur donating to , I just wanna know if I can be upfront with them ,

    Ps : I live very close to Chicago IL. So this info would be accurat since I'll most likely be going to the same agency ,

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