Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Ground-and-Vagina-Breaking News

Some people are real reporters.

While I'm sitting on my ass, wearing "business causal" outfits and pretending to work, some people are out on the streets, getting the dirt, sniffing out facts.

Chinda is one of these true journalists.

Yesterday, Chinda texted me an urgent message:
"Have you ever heard of a Feeldoe? It's some kind of lesbian sex toy. Deena(Chinda'sbestfriendwhohappenstobeinprisonrightnow) says all the girls in lockup are talking about it."

First of all: UmNo. I've never heard of a Feeldoe.

And secondly: I'm so jealous of Chinda's friend in Lady Prison. Right? Lucky bitch. All of my daydreams eventually involve getting locked up in the workhouse with hundreds of women who use their aggression to do pushups all day.

A Feeldoe?

Here's what I came up with. Look at this mofo!
You know what you do with this shit? One girl sticks the bulby-thing in, and the other girl rides the long end! Go here for the gory details -

This could be the end of the strap-on! Simple in theory, revolutionary in design.
Don't panic, homos. Read on!
Direct from the Feeldoe website:
Q:"Will it really stay on without straps?"

A:"Ma'am, there really isn't a polite way to ask this: Have you ever had a tampon just fall out? Women are naturally retentive. Hold the saddle with your thighs for more support while your muscle groups get used to it, and enjoy some missionary style practice before trying the more athletic positions."

Hmmm. I don't know about you all, but my "naturally retentive" vadge walls may not take kindly to getting yanked the fuck out while some bitch is having her fun.

I still had questions. I needed answers. And just as my head actually started exploding, Chinda called to tell me she's done a little research of her own!

She talked with a stud in Washington, D.C. We'll call her Dee. Dee actually owns the Feeldoe. Trendsetter!

Below are accurate snippets of their magnificent conversation.

Dee says:
"You have to have major pussy control. It's not like it stays in with no work on your end - you're more like clenching your legs together while the other girl rides it. It ain't easy, and it's more of a thigh rub for you."

The website says that practice makes perfect, but Dee snorted in derision.

She continued:

"The Feeldoe gives you more coochie grinding than anything else. It was a good thought, but too pricey. I've played with it a bit, but the most action the Feeldoe has seen is my closet."
Thanks, Dee. Thanks, Chinda. It's good that someone out there is watching out for my interests. I had my finger poised over the "Order Now" button on the Feeldoe website, but now I'm gonna wait 'till I sleep with someone who has one and then softly tuck it into my bag when she goes pee.


  1. A friend of mine says it feels like the bass kick on a drum. I always think of that and it sort of took the fun out of it for me. Plus they make cute glittery harnesses now too that can hold 2 dildos, so it's a win-win.


  2. i own it and i like it :)

  3. I bought my first one a few years ago, and it's awesome once you get the hang of it.

  4. i got one 5 years ago with my first girlfriend and when we broke up, we fought to NOT have it. that shit was a waste of money. fell out, not sturdy, weird angle. i lost and it is in my closet where it's been for legit 4 years.

  5. hey, one of my fuck mates owns one, i was scared of it at first, but god that toy is FUUUUN

    try it if you haven't

    Drey from Mtl city.

  6. I fucking love mine. It doesn't really replace the strap-on, but it is way fun. Then again, I don't pay for sex toys -- I work at a sex shop. :)

  7. i have one! i actually still use it with my red Aslan leather harness, or push it though the hole in my American Apparel boi shorts. Its awesome! i can totally get off while fucking my partner in the missionary position, from the inside and outside.
    i think its totally worth the price. i wouldn't go back to no-feeling strap ons.

  8. I have one and I love love love love it. Did I mention I love it?

    But does it fall out? Hell yeah. So I hold it in with a strap-on harness with a little rubber ring instead of the triangular leather bit.

    Oh Jesus fuck I love that thing!

  9. I have an identical one by a different company (Happy Valley), and my girlfriend and I don`t really like it. It will NOT stay in. Honestly, it`s heavy enough that I can`t imagine how anyone would be able to handle it with skill.

  10. I have to weigh in... I had one with my ex. It was the first time I'd tried penetrative sex. Turns out both ends made me feel like I needed to pee. Falling out wasn't an issue until I tried to get more leverage -moves knee to strange position and falls over-

  11. You must, must do kegels to use this toy. We liked it though, after a lot of practice. But who doesn't like practice?

  12. Love it! Only used it once without a harness. It gets strapped in ever since. I've had orgasms from the little end of this little number while I'm doing it with my honey. It's so awesome having penetrative sex that both people are feeling real good about. And I love it when she fucks me with it.
    Exceeeept that it's really hard so only certain positions work well and the material is kinda sticky so using a condom is key. I heard that Feeldoe is making a more bendy, softer, kinder one which has me very excited. I've literally spent a bunch of time wishing it had a little squishy spot where the clit lands. Maybe it's coming??

  13. And this why ya'll need to invest in Share. Share is far superior to the Feeldoe, and it only falls out after some serious fucking. Think about it.

  14. I bought a Share recently, after craving one for years. It is so beautiful! Looks awesome in the mirror. Sadly I have not had someone to help me take it for a test drive.

    Now taking volunteers! :D

    It is definitely something that most people would need a harness for though, and was sold to me as such. It is a strap-on that plugs in, rather than a harness-free dildo.

  15. FTM here -- I bought one feeldoe couple years ago and it's become less a toy and more like an extension of me for sexytimes. It doesn't work well for topping because once things start getting slippery no amount of kegels in the world will hold it in place, but for solo fun and mutual masturbation it is TOPS. The first afternoon I got it, I jerked off like three times in a row. It was a revelation, like, "AHA, so THIS is why guys are obsessed with their dicks, because they are SO MUCH FUN!" :D

  16. I own a Funfactory Share Dildo,. Way better than a FeelDoe. I LOVE it. I use straps to keep it in place better (especiallyl since I have a penis-envy fetish), but basically it's great if you like the power of a strapon but would also like to have something inside you at the same time. Perfect for any position when you use straps.