Wednesday, March 25, 2009

In Search of Kindred Spirits

What if I pass out? What if I actually pass the fuck out from laughing too hard?

Are you ready for the best lesbian personals ad I've ever seen?

I'm not sure if you are.
You couldn't even make this shit up.

Here you go, homos!

"In Search of Kindred Spirits"

"Hi! *HUG* Let's meet for lunch & maybe go to a park where we can take a walk afterward. Other ideas are once we get to know each other we could hold hands & watch Tori Amos DVD's & Bjork videos, eat Kettle Corn, & cuddle. If you know how to cook maybe we could make some meals together... I'd also love to work out together. It has been years since I've been with a woman; I miss it SO much! I'm STD-free. It is important to me to stay that way. I'd like to play music, dance with you, kiss, laugh, & explore spirituality together. If you'd like to assist me in de-cluttering my apartment (I'm a packrat) I can give you a massage in exchange (I used to be a massage therapist)! Non-smoker a must. Believer in faeries a plus. "
Jesus. H. Christ on a bike.
This woman is the reason straight people make fun of lesbians! Hell, she's the reason I make fun of lesbians.

She's the answer to every question!
Go on, try it.

"Should we have sex?"
-"We could eat Kettle Corn, & cuddle."

"What am I going to do on Tuesday night?"
-"Assist me in de-cluttering my apartment (I'm a packrat)!"

"What are the important things in life?"
-"Non-smoker a must. Believer in faeries a plus."

"What do you want to do for your birthday?"
-"We could kiss, laugh, & explore spirituality together."

"Gimme the remote. What do you want to watch?"
-"Tori Amos DVD's & Bjork videos."

I desperately want to meet this woman.
Faerie-believing packrat-lady, where are you?? Please contact me immediately!

You'll know me when we meet -I'm the embodiment of every dyke stereotype you've ever heard. I have 11 cats(aren't kitties magical?), love snuggling with sweatpants on, never go out, worship crystals, and want to talk about our relationship until one of us pukes. I want to marry you! I, too, love Tori Amos! I, too, love Kettle Corn!

We're made for one another. *HUG*


  1. omfg. i used to work with this chic at Michaels. she would hijack the loudspeaker music with Sarah McLachlan and wire crytstal jewelry in the breakroom. get in touch. you two can recreate that scene from Ghost.


  2. you can BET this chick wears platform sneakers.

  3. Well, I don't know, but that faerie is really boring. A Tori Amos DVD? No way! If I had a faerie, I'd like her to see Pantera's DVD! Some heavy rock!