Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The apartment next to you has been vacant for weeks. Today, as you come home from work, SHE is hauling boxes up the stairs. Your hot, sweating, thin-tank-top-wearing, hair-falling-out-of-her-ponytail-and-brushing-fetchingly-against-her-neck, GORGEOUS new neighbor. Thank you, Lord Ganesh.
She seems unaware that her shirt is slightly see-through. She smiles at you.
A muscled, cheerful man is helping her move in. (Fuck.)
Let's see what we're working with.
She has: shoulder-length hair, tiiiiight jeans, mascara, keys carabiner-clipped to her belt loop, a probable boyfriend, an leather satchel, one of those stupid headband-elastic things, and baby-blue New Balance sneakers on.
What is she?
Solution: Please. Quit insulting me! This is too easy - use your eyes! Girlfriend is wearing a carabiner!
Carabiners (below) are the exclusive property of dykes.
We love them because they're handy, seem like tools, and we think they make us look like this:
Which they don't. But it doesn't matter, because any girl wearing her keys on a carabiner (so they bang against her leg) might as well be wearing Homo Jingle Bells.
Fa la la la lez!
Posted by effingdykes at 10:01 AM