Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Rabidly Political Dykes

Soooooo, sometimes you care about a political cause. Like Obama. Or gay rights. Or saving the manatees. Foreign languages in schools. The over-use of fur in fashion magazines. Or, um, sharing the road with bicycles. Preservative-free food for babies. Breastfeeding and pandas. Whatever. Everybody cares about something. Rabidly political dykes, however, care about everything.

These girls can be found in their natural habitat – the protest rally. Or the meeting to organize a protest rally. Easily identifiable by their beater cars (or bikes) with more than 5 unrelated bumper stickers, rabidly political dykes hate and love to be oppressed.



This category can cross over onto any of the already-mentioned lesbian categories. If you’re unsure whether your crush is a rabidly political dyke, there are ways to be certain.

1) It's 8 a.m. You say, “Good morning.” She says, “Did you read that piece of trash from Ann Coulter in the NY Times today???!! What a righteous cunt!”

2) Around the water cooler, you say, “Wasn't The Office sooo funny last night?” She says, “I don’t have a TV," in smug-bitch voice.

3) You're going to have sex! You say, “Do you like Barry White?” She says, “Did you know All Things Considered is on?”
4) Your dream date: Ellen. Funny and cute. Ok-or-Angelina Jolie-but-only-in-Tomb-Raider-and-only-if-she-wears-the-outfit.Her dream date: Rachel Maddow. A smart democrat and she's not ugly.

5) Your best impression: Scooby Doo.
Her best impression: Sarah Palin denying knowledge of the Axis of Evil.

Good things about rabidly political dykes:

They always take your side if you’re sleeping with them. They’re easy to shop for, since they’re secretly attracted to expensive yuppie things. They have rich parents. They travel to fun places to protest, like Washington D.C. They can always score weed. They always know which speaking events will have an open bar. They have lots of cool friends in lots of places, and you can stay with them for free. They have the best smartass t-shirts. They are really fucking sexy when debating, and they sometimes wear hot glasses. They’re in great shape from all that marching. They win every argument.

Bad things about rabidly political dykes:
VEGANS. They feel they don’t have to shave anything, and that includes bush. They say irritating things like, “Is this biodegradable?” and “Don’t eat that. It has like 30 chemicals in it.” You can’t bring one home to your parents because she and your dad will start World War III. They’re poor. They have toilet paper in their house that costs 6 bucks a roll and disintegrates in your hand. They can’t appreciate strippers. They have more than one cat. They get pissed if you use the word "retarded". They won’t go see the new Beyonce movie. They have weird, nagging ‘inspirational’ wall hangings that say things like, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” There are Tibetan prayer flags somewhere in the house. They win every argument.


13 comments:

  1. hmm.. did you have to knock the Tibetan prayer flag buddy?

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  2. remember when our neighbors thought we were a lesbian sorority because of a certain someone's prayer flags? :)

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  3. Huh. I must be a Rabidly Political Dyke. You know the weird thing? I'm not a rabidly political dyke. ;)
    And i like all the stuff in the 'bad things' category. I like people with conscientious toilet paper and who don't like strippers (all the better for me, right?) I don't like it when people say retarded, and i think people are retarded who see Beyonce movies. Does that mean i'm the perfect match for myself? Hm...

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  4. I'm slightly devastated to realize I'm an annoying, rabidly political dyke but I will never apologize for thinking Rachel Maddow is hot.

    (By the way I found your blog via the Bloggies and it's so awesome.)

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  5. Its 3am, and ive been reading old posts of this newly discovered blog. And I almost just pissed myself. Sitting here, in my WWF tshirt in bed underneath my double strand of prayer flags, and 2 rachel maddow magazine cutouts. (plus fake Rachel love letter sent to me by AWESOME friend on Valentines) There may also be msnbc on....and old copies of the nytimes, the Nation, and Mother Jones on the floor...umm... shiiit.

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  6. Mabey using a term that is disrespectful of people with mental disabilityies is somthing people shouldn't do anyways because it's just plain mean spirited. It's just a matter of respect!

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  7. I was about to go to a protest (against the collective bargaining bill)wearing a.. Free Bradley shirt... and a keffiyah... with an equality sticker on my means of transportation... then I realized what I was doing!

    I can always score weed

    I will smugbitchly say that I dont have a TV

    I do win every argument


    except
    I'm not a vegan (why boycott amish and farmers who do it right?)

    I'm not into Rachel Maddow,

    I will never be awake that early

    My parents aren't rich :(

    I like being hairless

    I say both "retarded" and "gay"


    WHAT DOES THIS MAKE ME?

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  8. "You can’t bring one home to your parents because she and your dad will start World War III."

    Oh dear god yes.

    It's 8 a.m. You say, “Good morning.” She says, “Did you read that piece of trash from Ann Coulter in the NY Times today???!! What a righteous cunt!”

    CAN I JUST--

    Haha, I'm about to be a freshman in college and I already see myself in many of these. I feel like I'm reading about my future. Also, I effing love manatees.

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  9. i like to stay in touch of the world, i dont like it when people hurt animals, i WILL not march to death, i dont know... im sure i dont fit with this one either... though i do think that after a good debate sex is hella good heheh

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  10. I currently mate with the menfolk, but aside from that triviality, you've described my demographic perfectly. Feel free to come crash on my weed-infested recycled couch anytime.

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  11. My good friend (n erstwhile partner) came across my picture on this entry while surfing the archives late last night unable to sleep from a bout of migraine n 'OMG!' her msg read as she shared her eureka moment - me on her most fav blog!

    Although this was one of the rare marches I participated in n have been outside (by choice) of the 'community' circles n causes for long now.. it was funny to see few traces of me under the good n bad things - best being the tibetan flags (got on one of my travels to the mountains) lying around in my house for months now waiting to be unfurled on my terrace... :)

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  12. Um *pushes glasses up bridge of nose* I think you'll find that RPD would not use the word "cunt" in a pejorative sense. It means vagina, after all...
    ;)

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