Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Gold Star Lesbians



"Krista, what the hell is a Gold Star Lesbian?"

My mouth fell open. Here I was with my straight friend of ten years, and she didn't know what a Gold Star Lesbian was? After all this time spent eating delicious fried food with me?

Come on!

A Gold Star Lesbian is a lesbian who has never slept with a man. She's been gay since birth. Soooo gay that she never even thought to check out the other side. Sooooo gay that she might never have even seen a penis in real life. A Gold Star Lesbian is the gold standard - the gayest of gay.

I wish I was one.


Just kidding! If I hadn't tried boys, how would I know how infinitely superior girls are??
I've slept with boys.
It was, um, educational.
I guess.

Anyway! the point is - Gold Star Lesbians are finger-bangin' great. They don't have diseases. (Unless they sleep with lots of bisexuals.) They'll sleep with you when you have your period and say things like, "I think it's beautiful. It's part of being a woman" while you die laughing. They know their way around a girl.
And lots of lezzies want to be one. Gold Star Posers! There are plenty of girls trying to hide that onnnnnnne little dick-slip they had in high-school. But there's no covering it up.

Because being a Gold Star Lesbian is kind of like being an Eagle Scout. You can't always put your finger on it, but there's something good about it.

67 comments:

  1. i'm learning so much! thanks bung!

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  2. My star is a tarnished one, that was done long ago. However, my sweet lil wife is a gold star! YAY!

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  3. A gold star sounds a lot like a merit badge. Kudos on a blog well, er, blogged.

    Cordially,
    Eagle Scout Dan ;-)

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  4. I've never so much as kissed a guy. Doesn't mean I know anything about girls xP
    Then again, I'm only a high school senior, so I guess I've got time to figure it out.
    And yes, I'm sure I'm les, inexperienced and all, there is no question.

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  5. thank you for making a 13 year old who's only been kissed by girls special.

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  6. Hey, please don't portray bisexuals as slutty/dirty. We can't help our sexual orientation any more than you can.

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    Replies
    1. This blog is full of bigotry and misinformation.

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    2. Yeah what the fuck was that?

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  7. Dude. Love the blog, but I have to comment. STIs do indeed get passed from female to female, even if everyone is "gold star." Especially bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, herpes, and HPV. Annd in theory, all other STIs, but the public health dollars are not exactly flowing into ladyfag-sexytime epidemiology research at the moment.
    Also, I have to call you out, like Anonymous above, on the "bisexual=diseased" myth--it's exactly the myth that homo/biphobic straight folks propogated about bi dudes (just as the AIDS crisis was hitting hetero communities) It's the same tired myth, just inverted for chicks. It's a cultural pollution fear-thing that actually has nothing to do with medicine.
    Thirdly, never mess with biqueer folks. ;) We have done our research, are often getting a hard time, and so we are ready for a juicy debate throwdown--anytime, anywhere. We are a fierce, intensely loyal part of the queer community. And we frikken love your blog, so get yer facts right.

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    1. THANK YOU! Bigirls rock.
      The whole "bis are dirty sluts" thing is a seriously damaging stereotype. And somehow especially hurtful when it comes from the queer community!

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    2. THIS. OMG. I can't believe such a degree of health-related ignorance and repulsive biphobia on a lesbian blog.

      --Signed, a bisexual woman, in a monogamous relationship with another woman for 11 years, who has practiced safe sex with every. single. partner, regardless of gender or orientation.

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  8. Question: is the i-always-knew part necessary to get your gold star. I didn't know until I was 16, but I never slept with a guy.

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  9. This is an offensive claim to supremacy which divides and weakens our community.

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  10. As others have said, "gold star lesbians" can absolutely have STIs, e ven if they've never slept with men or bisexuals. And, I tend to agree that this post makes it sound like bisexuals are dirty or "less" than lesbians :(

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  11. Women are proner to STDs than men. It's a fact. Men, and not rarely, carry STDs of which they're unaware and sometimes unaffected from (like some types of HPV) and infect women. Bisexuals and "tarnished" stars have slept or still sleep with men. Hence, it's more possible that they may have got sth because of the male factor.

    Gold star lesbians with gold star lesbians partners shouldn't be completely at ease as far as STDs are concerned, but they can be surely more at ease than bi women due to the lack of the male factor.

    As for me, another gold one here! And thank you so much for this article! It doesn't make sense to me why bi women feel insulted when the "gold star issue" is brought up. You can take pride in loving dicks (also), but we can still be proud that we don't!

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  12. There is a war of bisexual women and Gold star title going on here, but seriously, stop complaining, your insecurity is making you feel like less, not because there is a title like this out there. Stop lying, yes there are snarky users of the Golden L word but their are good and bad examples everywhere. Gold star lesbians should be able to express their pride the way bisexual women wish to as well.

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    Replies
    1. i love bisexual girls...they are not dirty but are really a lot of fun...not all "uppity" about being pure lesbians....this blog is bi-phobic

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  13. As a survivor of sexual assault, the idea of goldstar has always kind of bothered me. My first "sexual experience" was with a guy, but it was coerced sex. When people try to find out if i've slept with a man, what do i say? "Yeah I was raped"? I don't disclose that to people unless I trust them. I think trying to hierarchise lesbians based on their sexual experience with men is pretty gross. And also yeah, biphobic post :/

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  14. I feel like no one kind of lesbian is "better" than another...

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  15. I agree, I don't think it's about being better or higher, it's just being proud of the way you are. I think this gets misconstrued as hating against bisexual girls. Look there are enough problems to deal with outside of the community, we do not need anymore here.

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  16. Although I did find slutty bisexual girls to be deliberately hateful. Mind the hate, we need unity.

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  17. THe bisexual female in 2012- fools around with women to elicit a response from their male counterparts? sound familiar?

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  18. I'm a Gold start and proud of it!!!

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  19. Gold Star and PROUD!

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  20. Gold Star and Proud as well! ;)

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  21. Rape shouldn't count as sex, so no gold star tarnish there!

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  22. This post, and every post I've ever seen like it anywhere, sickens me. "Yes, come out of the closet everyone! It does get better! You are one of us! Unity! Diversity!... Ah shit! You've fucked a dude while in the closet? Eeeeewww, I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole!... What, you're bi? Fucking pancake." Yeah, this whole mentality helps KEEP people in the closet. It did me! This mentality was a HUUUUUUGE reason I stayed in the closet for so fucking long! I made many, many forays into the LG"B"T community from the time I was a teen, but was ran off by all the fucking purists out there. I rapidly got sick of being degraded for being "tainted." Even attempted suicide after trying to come out about 12 years ago. Joined a college gay straight alliance group, went to a local lesbian bar several times. NOT ONCE did I make it through a fucking hour without any lesbians calling me names for having been with a man, once they discovered I had been (and they do ask, when they learn you're recently out). NOT FUCKING ONCE. This is still the case, but I came out anyway, but this time with no illusions that I would be treated with even a modicum of decency by the fucking sneetches. Funny thing, my STRAIGHT friends and family have been unfaltering in their support. Not so much the lesbians though... It does NOT get better if you've been with the opposite sex... it gets WORSE. You come out as a lesbian, after having worked up the impressive amount of courage it takes to do so, and you expect the reaction from heterosexual society. You expect to loose friends, family, and to put yourself in the firing line as far as hetero society goes (more or less, depending on your community and how open it is). What you don't expect is to be attacked by a bunch of holier than thou "untainted" lesbians, walking around like a bunch of fucking star bellied sneetches. What you don't expect is to find yourself being attacked from both sides. Lets be honest here, you don't mean "it does get better," you really mean "it does get better if while closeted you never fucked a male, otherwise you're screwed, and we'll treat you like a second class citizen... if you're lucky." Yeah, you could say I'm bitter. You'd be right. I'm bitter as all hell to have bought the bullshit line that coming out, while hard and frequently painful, makes things better in the end, that I'd be accepted... and I am, right up until they find out I've been married, and was closeted until almost 34. BY THE WAY I DID know I was a lesbian the whole time. Just because someone took a long time to come out DOES NOT mean they weren't born gay. It DOES NOT mean they woke up one day and said "hmmmm, ya know what? I think I'm gay!" Fucking hypocrites. It's oh so horrible for heterosexuals to hate or look down on homosexuals, but perfectly alright for "untainted" homosexuals to hate or look down on EVERYONE who does not fit their standard of purity? Bigots are bigots, regardless of orientation.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment so thoroughly; this was very enlightening.

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    2. This blog post and comments, especially this well-considered one, have introduced a subject to me that I did not know about before. The cleavages within groups fighting for rights can indeed work against the wider cause for acceptance and equality. Luckily, most people outside of the LGBT community don't know about these hierarchies which are indeed off-putting. Pride is fine so long as it doesn't impact inclusiveness, and clearly here there is a line crossed when people like the commenter above have to deal with this kind of stigmatization.

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    3. JJ I´m what they call a gold star and I´m not like the ones you describe, I don´t care if the woman I love is bisexual, bicurious, was married, slept with a man in the past or any of that. The only I care about is if she loves me back or not. Don´t give up. there are lesbians like me who are not like the ones you´ve met. :)

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  23. BTW, yes, calling yourselves "Gold Star Lesbians" IS IN ITSELF SUPREMACIST, so don't give me your "we're just proud of who we are" apologetics. It's as offensive as a white supremicist claiming they're not racist because they don't hate other races, they just believe in the "purity of the white race." Yeah, you Gold Stars, in calling yourselves that, are setting yourselves above and apart. Bigots.

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    Replies
    1. Gold Star and Proud!

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    2. Shut up, you fucking WHINER.

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  25. Maybe tidy up the comments on here?

    Heaven forbid anyone might ever live in New York and come out as a Christian - if you think the reception you get from the hetero crowd is bad, you can totally guarantee that you'll lose friends, probably family, and definitely get a heap of abuse for it. I'm not trying to start a religion vs. sexuality thing, but to illustrate that it takes courage to do something different, something people surrounding you with dislike, disagree with, and "have a moral problem" with, whatever it is.

    As someone who's happy with his sexuality, I'm offended by "Gold Star Lesbians" and "Gold Star Queers" alike. It's not a descriptive word - if it was it'd equate with "Purest" or "Best" or "Finest" or "Unsullied". All pejorative of others - all comparative. We're all of us human - that's the argument of the gay community when pushing for rights - sadly that's forgotten when one group or individual tries to claim bragging rights over another. I know in some quarters around here, there are people who'll only sleep with Gold Star Lesbians, and 'breaking' a GSL is a 'badge of honour' for some of the guys at a Uni, who'll ply GSLs with drink to see if they can get them into a state for their wiles to work.

    Holding 'gold stars' in higher regard is worrying at best - at worst, equivalent with mental eugenics. No gas chamber, sure - but still preferred genetic material. Biphobic, too. While I got raped as a teen, I'd still say it counted as sex - just coerced, painful, horrible sex. That'd make me bisexual. But I've only ever preferred women - does that mean I'm not a Gold Star Het?

    Don't think the dyke members of my family would be any happier with this post, either :/

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    1. how is it "biphobic" if the term is gold star LESBIAN? it's not gold star bisexual, you fucking idiot. it's a term for GAYS AND LESBIANS, not bisexuals! typical bisexuals making everything about themselves as usual.

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  27. Although I respect your experience, no lesbian has to sleep with guys to know how awesome being a lesbian is. Would a straight guy ever say: "If I hadn't had experience with men, how would I know how infinitely superior women are?" Or even better, would a gay man ever say, "If I hadn't been with women, how would I know how infinitely superior men are?" No, they say "Ewww, tuna!" I don't need experience with men to define being a lesbian - that's the whole point. By the way, both me and my partner of five years are gold stars!

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  28. I've never so much as held a guy's hand, but I also didn't realize I was a lesbian until less than a year ago. Does that make me gold star? Or just a virgin?

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  29. You lard butts, it was meant to be funny, obviously if she was really bi shaming and all that jazz, she woul've went on and on about it. Gold star is just like saying you're a virgin and proud, which I'm sure would tick someone off, but legit, chill, go live your sex life, and let others live theirs.

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  30. that was... interesting. valid points from both sides. maybe some people take this gold star thing more serious than others? to some its a Nazi regime to others its just an off the cuff statement of fact no different to saying their favorite color is blue.

    if someone is willing to be prejudiced against someone for being "tainted" then the victim of that prejudice should instead see that as a clear warning of someone that actually isn't a very nice person.

    try not to look at their prejudice as just a bad thing but actually a big beacon saying "i'm a complete cunt!". At the same time if they are proud gold star lesbians but have no issue or prejudice towards you as a bi or (forgive me for using their phrase) "tainted" lesbian then good for them... and good for you, you just found someone worth asking to dinner. :)

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  31. Wow! Just wow. way to discriminate amongst the gay community. I have never heard any of my friends use the term "Gold Star" because I don't think they're elitist enough to think one is better than the next. They all agree with me in that it doesn't matter who your partner is so long as he/she is right for you. What sort of ego centric idiot would consider a making such a title let alone use it shows some clearly obvious self confidence issues and screams they are insecure with themselves let alone would be a good partner to have.

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  32. Gold Star and Proud!

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  33. Seriously offensive to someone who was in the closet half her life, had two beautiful kids, but was in a very abusive relationship with a man as part of deep seated self hate. Now I'm out (in every sense) but this stuff really hurts when I need acceptance from other lesbians.

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    1. so, you're a LAM (Lesbian After Marriage), don´t worry, the fact that some of us are gold star lesbians that don´t discriminate. If they look down on you, they don´t deserve u ;)

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  34. You guys, this isn't saying being bi is dirty. Your are just simply more likely to have an STD if you are bi. That is simply because it is more likely to get an STD from a man. Your all being a little bit butt hurt here. and we live in a society run by labels, our labels make us feel special and different. Some of us lesbians like our label and take pride in the "type" of lesbian we are, be it a dyke, lipstick, Gold star. Whatever. It separates us from the pack a little bit. Nobody wants to be the exact same as someone else.

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  35. Gold star here and proud.

    I am unsure of whether the bi girls have more STDs or not but if you are looking for a stable emotional connection bi girls are not they way to go.

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    1. Herpes is actually more common in gay women than in bisexual women... And I'm a bi woman in an 11-year-long, monogamous, happy relationship with my wife, and we have a "stable emotional connection" and no STDs, thankyouverymuch.

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  36. No mention of the cissexism and transmisogyny in giggling about how ~vaginas untouched by penis~ are so awesome, but then this whole blog completely ignores trans women, so it's not surprising...

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    1. The amount of transphobia and biphobia in the elitist lesbian community disgusts me.

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  37. How bout I've never slept with guys but I've been in a relationship with a guy before? does that even count?

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  38. Its no wonder women stay married and closeted when they expect the lesbian community to welcome them but receive a whole lot of stick when they eventually find the courage to come out !
    We do exist so just get over it some people make mistakes its part of being human ,do you think its fun living a lie !?
    Rejected by straight people and the lesbian community (rock hard place) .

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  39. It is very obvious why many of us Straight Guys have trouble meeting a good woman these days. and we can't blame ourselves since many women like to Curse at us when we will try to start a conversation with them. so many women hating men out there today, Very Sad.

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    1. I don't understand this comment, lesbians don't hate men. I´m a gold star and I love my guy friends, I just won´t have sex with them.

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  40. What about girls who got raped as teens. Gold star Kudos is insensitive. Something like that NEVER wears off and Gold star conversations bring it up.

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  41. Gols Star and proud in Europe!

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  42. Gold star and proud of it - can I have the t-shirt now?

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  43. i am here to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted traditional spell hospital for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he traditional spell hospital casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you traditional spell hospital for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact traditionalspellhospital@gmail.com. and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay

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  44. how typical of bisexuals to make everything about themselves, even when the term ONLY applies to homosexuals. such biphobia! my ass!!

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  45. Why are they everywhere nowadays?

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  46. Newsflash: discrimination is everywhere! Racial discrimination is in the gay community as in any other community. Welcome to the world of humans... Want unconditional love? Try your local animal shelter...
    Concensual sex is not rape. Rape is not consensual sex. Therefore, you can be raped and still be a gold star lesbian. Why? Because you didn't chose to sleep with a man.
    No shame if you did. But if you must feel indignated because some of us take pride in our sexual preferences, then don't fucking tag the entire gold star community as elitists or as discriminatory holier than thou better than thee... That sounds like your own insecurity on your part speaking. Maybe if you took more pride in your decisions you wouldn't be putting others down as biggots for begging to differ. Oh well. Get over your butthurt and bitterness and judge people individually, not the entire group.

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